hrich1122

I will be so proud of my self for each day that I remain sober. Then.... I mess up. WHY? I LOVE being sober and HATE alcohol and its effects.

Starting the count over again is so discouraging. JUST for that one bad day that I probably couldve made wiser choices to avoid even picking it up.

I finally had things going better with my husband. And now here I am....back at square on with everything!!! I missed my childrens orientation for their preschool last night cause decided having a drink was a much better choice.

Each and every time I decided to "just have one" my body feels worse and worse.

I just want it out of my life! I want my life back! I need to maintain a routine to avoid these slips. Im sick of it!!!!

tomsteve

you may be an alcoholic. any chance you have checked out AA? been a great solution for this ex drunk who couldnt stay away from alcohol.

hrich1122

I went to one meeting a few weeks ago and felt completley out of place. I need to check out another one before I throw in the towel on AA.

MesoFreak

Have you thrown out all your stash of booze? That may help, it seems you get tempted by it being in your home, car, or where ever you put it.

hrich1122

Theres about 5 beers in the pantry. I considered dumping them this morning but I know if I do, my husband will just be convinced that I drank them. So...theyre there.
Now that Im at day one again, I dont want any. But I know after about a week I'll have myself convinced that I can have a drink.

Dee74

I think, if we don't want to keep doing the same things, we really need to do something different, hrich.

If there's beer in your house get rid of it - if your husband thinks you drank it, thats regrettable - but is that really a good enough reason to keep them there?

If you think you need more AA exposure then do go again.

Make some changes - extend yourself a little - you can do this

D

MesoFreak

Throw them out in front of him; he can't say you are lying then. If he is going to stop you, because he wants to drink them, tell him to hide the somewhere you have no idea about.

Sapling

Hey hrich...Take a look at this...Read it a couple times if you have to....This made sense to me and helped me understand why I couldn't have one drink.

The Doctor's Opinion

forabetterlife

You sound exactly like me. I know it is so frustrating to be back at square one. And it's even more frustrating when you KNOW how good you feel not drinking, yet do it anyway, and then face all the regret. This is a tough, tough battle. It sounds like your husband has issues with your drinking, too..I miss my ex every day and in my heart I know a lot of the reason we aren't together is that he didn't want to deal with my drinking (or sneaking it) anymore. That's tough to live with, believe me.

I'm only on my third day this time around, but I have learned that getting through that first week is definately the hardest. Try to replace the drinking with something new, too. Because as much as it is an addiction, I also believe drinking becomes a habit.

Best wishes to you...try not to be so hard on yourself, and just do it. Get through it, whatever it takes.

hrich1122

Thanks Forabetterlife-

Its always nice to have someone that you can relate to give you encouragment.
I praise my husband for putting up with me. For dealing with this for two years. And still trusting in me when I say I'll never do it again....and then do. Its almost like, RIGHT when I build his trust back and things are on the right track with everything...I slip. If I don't stay stopped this time I'm sure he will be done. I'm destroying my family. Im not the mother, wife, friend, sister, neighbor I want to be. I'll get there. Its just tough.

Im going to pop open a cherry pepsi and watch a movie with my kids.

forabetterlife

Good for you, there is nothing like feeling you are doing the right thing not only for yourself, but as a mother.

My ex put up with it for years. I'd stop for a while and then he'd catch me. And I'd swear, if only he'd "let" me drink sometimes, that I wouldnt' sneak it. I told him, I didn't have a problem, I just was rebelling against him telling me what to do. I thought that since I didn't get fall down drunk or cause fights or go out to bars, that it was ok. I failed to see that living with a person who is buzzed or even peacefully drunk is not fun, because I wasn't REALLY there, I wasn't really me when I was like that. It's crazy. He knew I had a problem way before I did. He left four years ago..I'm still in love with him. We stayed in touch and saw each other, and even tried to get back together a few times. It hurts so much that part of the reason I lost him was that I couldn't give up alcohol..for him or for me. And I know he still loves me, he just doesn't want to live with that. Who would?

It is true that with every time a promise is broken, something is lost. Don't let it go any further. I wish I stopped it before it was too late. You can do it.

hrich1122

I WILL DO IT failure is not an option for me anymore. I have far too much to lose over a liquid that does nothing but destroy things for me. I know my husband doesn't believe me this time but I WILL prove him wrong.

I'm thinking I need to do a complete overhaul on my daily routine. My kids start school in a couple of weeks and it gives me a great opportunity to change.

MartyMcFly1

I had been sober for a week, then I went out last night and left my pregnant girlfriend home alone. It seemed like a great Idea at the time go out for a few and come home early no harm no foul. Instead I got home late, completely blacked out. Passed out on the bathroom floor. She hasn't really spoke with me all day. When she does she says she probably going to leave me. All because I wanted to go out for a few with my friends. My main issue is I have no idea when I'm drunk. I go from feeling fine and making good decisions to being blacked out without even knowing it. If she leaves I don't know what I'm going to do with myself. I plan on attending my first AA meeting this Sunday. Lets see if I can stay sober until then. But to go with what you said, "Why do i keep doing this?" I don't know how to stop it is my answer.

MartyMcFly1

I work In a bar and the money is great. i have a kid on the way. I've been trying to exercise instead of drinking. But its just so much easier to have a shot after work to feel better about the stressful night I just went through. It's also hard because when I don't drink people look at me likes theres something wrong with me. Does this mean I need new friends? A complete over hall may be in order for me too.

hrich1122

Sorry you're going through that Marty. Its terrible the disasters that are made just because we chose to drink.
My "slip" was kind of similar to yours. I thought I could have a couple with a friend. and ended up passed out on my living room floor...with bruises from Who knows what. It wasn't even fun and certianly not worth it.
I hope your girlfriend offers you another shot. Especially if she sees that you're trying to get help. I'm not sure where my husband stands right now. Like you...its all short and no talking much at all. I dont know what I would do if he left either. We've been together 10 years and have two beautiful daughters, a beautiful house, a great church. I have no reason to destroy it.
I pray its not too late for the both of us.
You CAN stay sober this weekend. Work on just today and do the same tomorrow.

hrich1122

Marty- I was actually to start working at a bar today and figured its probably best if I passed. I get anxious when I'm around others drinking while I'm not. I didnt feel it was the right thing to do. While I need a job...Im sure something else is going to come up. Something more healthy for me and my sobriety.

I have a couple neighbors that look at me crazy when I turn down a drink. I just started bringing my own pepsi or a bottle of water to try to prevent them from even offering.

August09

I'm not far enough along in my recovery to offer sage advice but I started drinking water with 2 lemon twists when I would otherwise be drinking alcohol. The only time I drink it is when I would usually drink beer/liquor. If you can find a substitute and only drink it when you have an urge it may help you through some of the tougher times. Something decaf would prob work best. This may not help you at all but it seems to help me so I thought I would share. I certainly wish you the best.

hrich1122

Thank you August09! Reguardless of where we each are in our recovery process. I think we all have something to offer =)

I think you're right about the caffine. It seems to make things worse for me

joecards

I think we have to always remind ourselves how miserable drinking is. I haven't thought about drinking for a while. For some reason I was really making some plans to drink tonight. Just one right? Anyway, I decided to come here and I read your post. It helped me snap out of that. So, thanks for sharing.

hrich1122

Glad you decided not to Joecards!