ru12

hrich,

Your alcohol use didn't cause him to hook-up with another woman. That is all him. He is the one committing Adultery, not you. In fact, he may just be using your problems as a convenient excuse to sleep around.

I'm so glad that you are deciding to live a sober life. Marriage issues are hard, but I find that they are impossible to rationally deal with if you are drinking.

There are many recovery options. AA, Rational Recover, SMART Recover, Women for Sobriety, Lifering . . . or just old fashioned refusal to take that first drink. Pick one and work it as if your life depended on it. It does.

Finally, yes I'm sure your drinking added problems to your relationship. But it surely wasn't the only factor. Take your share of the blame, but do NOT take his.

KissMyTiara

Where did she say he committed adultery and was hooking up? That's pushing it. Its not fair to "suppose" that is what happened. Because he had a woman's phone number on his phone and he stayed out until 6AM doesn't mean that. He may have just needed to walk away from the situation and find someone to talk to and a place to cool off.

I had to escape a few times from a bad alcoholic and yes I went to a FRIENDS house that was a man for the night.

hrich1122

I texted her. She says nothing happened. He says nothing happened. Either way its still hurtful and inappropriate. She wasn't a friend...he met her at the bar last night.

Nothing happened yesterday to bring on him needing to cool off. I havnt drank. I made dinner,watched a movie with my kids and put them to bed. Maybe trying to push him t talk to me is doing more harm then good. He can't just not care anymore. I'm not sure that's possible.

Maybe he needs time...without me trying to figure out what's going on...to clear his thoughts. I always just want to make things "better".

Staying sober today is the only thing I can control right now.

john44

Easy solution: have him dump them.

Nuway2fly

There's a lot of self-examination evident in that second sentence. And a world of blessing in that last sentence.

I believe in you, that you can stay sober.

Shelagh

Dont be hard on yourself, just keep trying, I am neary two weeks sober but this time I feel different, I have lost my two 13 year old girls,but now they are round nearly every day, my heart goes out to you, and I know how hard it is, I gave up for 2 years by going to AA meetings, good luck xx

john44

Bingo. And it is critical. You can do it.

forabetterlife

I'm sorry you are going through this hrich...I know how hard it is. IMO, I think that there are some non negotiables in a relationship, and if your drinking is affecting his quality of life or your relationship, there comes a point where all the love in the world won't make him stay. Sometimes peole just have enough. When I hear of other couples who stay together or work out these types of problems, I get so mad that my ex didn't "love me enough" to stick with me through it. But I think it all comes down to the individual and how much they are willing to put up with. And you can't change that in a person. I think the best thing you can do now is to do everything you can to stay away from alcohol and prove to yourself and him that you really mean it. I wish I had done that before it was too late...
Do everything you can and be strong.

hrich1122

Still sober :-)

The rest doesn't matter to me anymore.

GoaStyle

congratulations and good luck.

hrich1122

He stormed off to the bar again once I printed out my own divorce papers. I guess the storming out loses its effect after the first try. Who cares if hes out til 6am again.

Im sober...and thats allllll that matters!!!!!!

hrich1122

Blah. Im tired of being exhausted. Ive been up since 330 am yesterday worried about him. Its 130am now.....
Im going from sadness to anger to sadness. I think whats making it so bad is that I KNOW Its not my drinking. He uses it as an excuse but when we get to talking to the "real reason" he blows my bringing up my drinking as if it has nothing to do with how he feels....Until I fill our divorce papers. THEN its back to my drinking. I just hate feeling beat up.

Im so mentally and physically exhausted. I just want to close my eyes and make it all go away. Him included. Im praying he doesnt stay out til God knows when tonight. I was genuinly scared last night thinking he was hurt or what not. *sigh*

maybe venting was all I needed to do

Spanglefish

I've just joined today. I have been trying to sort my life out for the last 10 years. I used to think I was a "functioning" alcoholic as I managed to get jobs, partners and accomodation. However, the reality is I lost my driving licensely having passed my test just over a year, (luckily I didn't injure anyone), been physically and sexually assaulted, lost jobs, well a career really, been left, naturally, by partners, kicked out of accommodation, the most recent case being told to leave my partner's house where he lives with a friend who have both been unbelievably supportive to me and I just shoved it back in their faces. I've hurt everyone around me, acted unbelievably selfishly, wallowed, lied, manipulated and basically turned into a thoroughly unpleasant person. I've also put my friend's and brother's lives at risk by leaving the gas on over night, leaving the bath tub to overrun, again over night causing flood damage and most recently leaving lit cigarettes on my bed and sofa. I say mine, my parents' as that is where I am back. Again at the age of 36. People always tell me how nice I am but my behaviour, especially in the past 5 years has been anything but. Enough. I'm going into a six week rehab programme here in England tomorrow, hopefully. I of course am being self-pitying by even writing this but I want help and I need support, one thing I have never really admitted. I just carried on "acting".

So, that's me really. I just thought I'd say hello. :-)

Spanglefish

I think I may have posted in the wrong bit? :-/

Sapling

Welcome to SR Spanglefish....I was taken down a road not much different than the one you were by alcohol.....It sounds like you've had enough...Glad you are here....And rehab is a good move!

Nuway2fly

No worries, Spanglefish. Just copy your post and start a new thread with it. You deserve your own thread so people can welcome you and support you.

Welcome to SR, from another newbie.