backbeat

I'm 2 days sober and a big challenge for me right now is what to tell my drinking friends. Most of them are people I work with, so I can't simply walk away. But they are always inviting me to the bars and other events heavily involving alcohol.

If I tell them the truth it will be weird. My boss and immediate colleagues are aware something is up because I've been missing work all the time for quite a while. But my drunk friends at work are another story - they are from other departments and I see them less frequently. They aren't all that aware of how often I'm out. When we go out, we drink a lot, then we all go home, and they go to bed, and I drink another six pack and a few glasses of patron/bourbon/vodka/whatever's around. They go to work; I often don't.

They don't know that. My drinking friends don't know that.

I don't want to tell them the truth, at least not right now. For one, I'm pretty sure they'll look at me like I'm nuts and tell me I'm being silly. I brought it up once before and that was the reaction. I don't need to hear that right now. For another, I'm not ready to tell people I work with what is going on. Like I said, those I work with very closely all know something's up and probably suspect... but these people who I go out with are not as aware of what I do at work.

I've thought of just telling them I'm on a medication and can't drink, or that I just want to stop a bit to lose weight and then take it from there. But, it's obviously not as easy as just not drinking and hanging out with them anyway while they slam shots and beers all night. I wouldn't put myself in that position. So they'll wonder why I'm not even coming out at all.

Just wondering what people here think of this.

Thanks for your help (again)

doggonecarl

I don't know you, your co-workers, or your relationship with this people. But I venture to say, if you replace the word "friend" with "buddy" you'd come closer to explaining the true dynamics of your workplace relationships.

Friends care about you.

Buddies don't.

You can tell your friends, true friends, ANYTHING.

Don't tell your buddies anything you don't want spread around the water cooler.

So here's my two cents. Tell them "no thanks" if they ask you out to drink. Use the time you aren't drinking to find non-drinking buddies. Better yet, find real friends.

Good luck.

Anna

Yay, for your 2 days sober. Good work!

You're right, you don't need other people telling you it's no big deal or laughing it off.

I will give you my take on this, and this is just me.

I used to worry endlessly about what other people thought about me, about how I looked, how I dressed, what I said...it was ridiculous. When I began recovery, I knew instinctively that I would not/could not do that anymore. Focus on yourself and what you need right now. You don't owe anyone an explanation. And, personally, I am against lying about why you're not drinking because for me, recovery is about honesty.

neferkamichael

Backbeat, 2 days sober? You are FANTASTIC. From the beginning of my sobriety, I told everybody what I was doing. Sadly my oldest and dearest friends are probably gonna forever and I know most of them are still addicts. I've found it much easier going into new situations and meeting new people where I am when it comes to drinking and drugging. Rootin for ya Backbeat.

Dee74

Hi backbeat

Carl makes a lot of sense I think.

I think people like us have lives so focused around drinking we expect everyone else to be the same and think we need a big involved explanation for other people. Nope.

No thanks is all that's really required

D

2granddaughters

I tell folks that my Doctor recommends that I don't drink. (Dr. Bob Smith)


All the best.

Bob R

Needsassistance

I'm telling those closest to me I'm having issues with booze, getting some help and not drinking. For those I' socialize with but don't consider close friends, I'm just giving h basic no thanks not drinking tonight, sat night, etc. 42 days in, no issues. I'm also avoiding obvious traps, bars, etc...

hypochondriac

I can relate to this post a lot backbeat. I had to stop going out in order to get sober, I just didn't feel up to it, but I actually had to do some social functions as part of my work. It wasn't pleasant playing host and making up reasons why I wasn't drinking (because they always ask why!). If you have the slightest option of just not going out just don't do it and sod what people think. When I first quit I was obsessed with what other people thought of what I was doing and why I wasn't drinking, but as time has passed it has got so much easier, and now I just tell people I gave up drinking in a somewhat chuffed way. It was my feelings which made these situations so traumatic for me early on, other people don't really care that much whether you drink or not, and even if they give you a bit of a hard time they soon give up when they realise you're serious. Do what is right for you and don't feel guilty for not going out drinking just because that's what you usually do. You're perfectly entitled to change your habits and routines without considering other peoples feelings on the matter x

backbeat

Thanks for all the responses. I'm probably making this out to be a bigger deal than it is.

mds1212

I can relate. I was always afraid of what everybody would say so I went with medication excuse. However my sponsor cautioned me that it's a built in reason for relapse. I now just say I don't drink any morE, End of story. Best of luck to you!