big breath - and a cry for help
 

Hey all, This is my first posting. I have been stalking the site for about a month and reading your posts. They have all been inspirational and extremely helpful. After waking up this morning with another hangover, I have decided to try and commit to quitting drinking (unfortunatley I say this every morning). I think/know I am in real trouble and am not sure how to move forward with this. Joining this site and saying I am quiting outloud - or at least in writing - is a huge step for me. I have tried to stop drinking in the past and have never made it past 3 days - usually it is just one.

I drink everyday and consume more calories in alcohol than in actual food. The newest development is that I am no longer a functional alcoholic. i have conversations at night with my kids and husband that I don't remember and I think my mind is going. The toll of alcohol has affected every aspect of my life and I need to stop. I am embarrassed, sad and tired. I fear that I am setting my kids up for the same path that I have taken - a well paved road to alcohol addiction. I am really worried that I can not stop. I say the same thing everymorning - I will not drink today, but by 4 pm - that is all I can think about. I lie to myself and say that I will just have one or two drinks and it ends up being 7. I try to titrate the effects by switching from vodka to wine to beer throughout the evening. I need help but am worried about how people would view me if they really knew how much I drink. How did I let this happen to myself. I am 46 years old and have been drinking consistently and hard since college. i am the definition of insanity.
Here is to hoping that I can finally clear the mental/willpower hurtle and stop.
Panacea

Hello Panacea:

Willpower never worked for me, I had to surrender to Alcoholics Anonymous. I was 45 yrs old.

All the best.

Bob R

Morning Panacea...Welcome to SR. Lots of folks here, me included going through the same thing. Scary and frustrating isn't it. To repeatly wake up in the morning, with your rational mind in tact saying 'I will not drink today' only to begin the debate again around 4 p.m., (when the other voice takes over) then take the first drink, keep going, and wake up the next morning sad and disappointed in yourself.

Just like Bill Murray in the movie 'Groundhog Day', except it is not funny.

Equally as frustrating and scary is the idea of never drinking again.

So, you are at the beginning of the jouney. Welcome. Posting here was a great first step.Only you can make this work. Lots of support and advice here. Sound like from your post you have many, many reasons to kick alcohol out of your life.

Wishing you the best. Please keep posting.

Jim

Welcome to SR Panacea.

Welcome, Panacea,

I can understand how emotional it is to be at the point you are. I also knew I was making a mess of my life by drinking but didn't know what to do to stop. We do understand.

My suggestion is to get rid of all the alcohol in your home and don't buy anymore. If 4pm is a tough time for you, plan to be doing something else that will, temporarily, take your mind off drinking. Each day you get through will get a big easier.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html

glad yer here and welcome!!
i crossed the line into full blown alcoholism somewhere atound 1996. that was when i no longer needed an excuse and it didnt matter how hard i tried, i just could not not drink.
it wasnt until 05 that i got to the point of desperation. the pain of getting drunk exceeded the pain of reality. i was a worthless, useless, hopeless, helpless alcoholic one drink away from suicide.
it was then that i went to AA. i was amazed that the Big Book of alcoholics anonymous( you can google"big book online and read it) had me and my thinking already layed out!! a book published 28 years before i was born!!
the road to recovery through AA has been a blessing. i am no longer suicidal and have become an active, productive member of society.

thank you for the quick responses
 

And the warm welcome. AA scares me - I know that sounds stupid, but I am not sure I am strong enough to go "public". I will call and see where they meet. Evenings are hard with the kids, activitis..my husband and I both work full time and long hours. All excuses, I know.

If your schedule and shyness are impediments, there are a variety of online meetings as well, including AA but several other methods as well. You have options. Please know that.

We're glad you're here! Please keep reading and posting! It's the last day of the month, why not come over to the Class of August 2012 thread and join us? It's a great group!

I just want you to know that I could have written your post in February 2010.

there are lots of women here who have conquered very similar issues. Booze will rob you of family and friendships.

Take a deep breath at 4PM and get out of your head, do something completely out of way of the first drink. that being said, it's a holiday weekend....most doctor's offices will be out the door by 3PM here in my area anyway. make an appointment today if you can for first thing Tuesday. be honest with the doc. about how much you drink, they aren't there to judge you, but to help you detox. it will take some time (depending on how much you consume) for the alcohol to get out of your system.

keep posting and reading, we're here a24/7. it's not anyone's intention to force a structured program down your throat, but you can learn from their experiences.

I'm very grateful to be out of that black pit, i practice daily gratitude and my meditation is thinking how great it is to be sober every morning. (i'm not AA or a formal program, except connecting with people here and other sites on a daily basis). i've been sober about 15 months.

welp, ya really woudnt be goin public. it is an anonymous program, meaning we dont shout out to the world we are in AA.there is nothing wrong with having a problem with alcohol and doing something about it. the problem comes what ya know and dont do something about it. you just may be surprised and see people from your community you didnt know were in recovery.

Welcome and congratulations for taking such a monumental, exciting step towards sobriety. 46? You are but a youngster, Panacea :) You will find that this is an amazing place of understanding and support, especially when that addictive beastly voice in your head starts yammering non stop around 4pm. Come see us, lean on us, learn from those who have gotten some sober time under their belts. I promise you won't regret your decision. Easy? Nope. Worth it? More than you know. :c011:

I can relate .... with a new baby in my life I don't get to near as many meetings as I did in the beginning.

I often use my lunch break to go to a noon that close to my office. May be that's an option for you.

And being scared of 'coming out' .... that's normal but unnecessary.

Wow. I could not have said it better myself. Thank you, thank you so much.

And I have to agree with the others, willpower just isn't enough. Wish it was. Maybe it is for some. But for most of us, as much as we hate the alcohol, ourselves when we drink, if we could just will ourselves sober, there'd be no need for Recovery, treatment, AA, SR.

I couldn't have said it better !!

Bob

Panacea, Welcome!

I could have written your post, as a matter of fact, I think I have before! Lol

I am only eleven days sober. Before that, despite my best intentions, as soon as the hang over faded I would buy that next bottle every time. I was baffled at my overwhelming urge to drink in the face of my desire to quit. Something that helped me tremendously was Addicted Voice Recognition Technique (AVRT). It is a way to help you identify your addicted voice and separate yourself from it so you can deal with it rationally. There is a lot written about it in the Secular connections part of this forum. It's not an expensive treatment plan you have to go the doctor for, you can get started just by reading things on the web. Rational Recovery uses it, if you google it you will find plenty of info.

I have started reading The Big Book as well, but going to AA meetings in my town isnt an option for me so I am exploring alternatives.

The fact that you have taken this step to reach out is huge, it was the first step for me to stop the insanity. Please keep posting, especially when you are struggling. There is so much support here, it blows me away. Hugs.

Thank you.
 

I would love to. Was not sure if it was appropriate since it is the last day of the month. Thank you to everyone who responded to me. You are a pretty amazing group of people and have brought tears to my eyes. I am a pretty big mess right now and to know there is support out there is very helpful.

Panacea

Welcome Panacea!
I most certainly can feel your pain. You're not alone. I, too, consume more calories in alcohol than I do food. I feel so much pain, guilt & embarrassment of the things I have said or done in the past while drunk, most of the time being aimed at those I love the most.

The step you just took is a huge one & you should be proud of yourself. I just did it myself a few days ago, it was a hard one, but exciting all at the same time. Because we've admitted to ourselves that we have a problem & need help. No longer am I going to say, "oh, I'll be able to quit one day", only to wake up with a hangover the next. It has to be today. And if I screw up today, I'm going to try again tomorrow.

Stay on here. Keep reading & posting. That's what I'm doing. I don't feel alone when I do. There's a lot of caring people out there who offer some great advice.

We're sharing this journey together.
You have my best wishes.
Hugs~jaz

There's some great advice here Panacea - glad to have you with us :)

D

Glad you joined us Panacea and glad you jumped on our August 2012 wagon. I can relate to what you've said in your post only too well. I'm quite new too, day 13. Stick with it, stay focused and strong, You'll get loads of support here, we're all in it together.

Big hugs

Gxx

I could have written your post about 2 weeks ago. I asked for a prescription for Antabuse -- filled it, took it on the first day, then read about what I'd just consumed. 4pm is a terrible time -- but at 6:00 a.m., I have the Willpower of the Ages.

Not that I think Antabuse is the answer, but for me, I knew that I lacked the ability to follow-through on any promise I'd made to myself unless some very scary aversion therapy was there to back it up.