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Tricky nature of this addiction crap

Old 08-30-2012, 02:32 PM
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Tricky nature of this addiction crap

I went to two AA meetings last week and then drank again. Didn't drink last night and went to my first women's only AA meeting tonight. I enjoyed it, was able to relax a little. Then on my way home, a friend texted me asking me to meet him for a drink and saying he knew I'd say no and that he hated himself for asking. I freaked out and texted him back to say I couldn't meet him but then I was so stressed by it all, I bought a bottle of wine and drank it at home by myself. **** this ****, so full of self loathing right now. When will enough be enough?
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Old 08-30-2012, 02:39 PM
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I know that it's not an easy answer, but enough will be enough when you want it to be enough. When you've had enough of the consequences. When you want to re-engage your true family and friends. When you don't want to feel this way anymore. When you decide it's time for a change.

Please stick around and keep reading and posting. There's help and hope out there if you want to grab onto it. Good luck!
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Old 08-30-2012, 02:40 PM
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Hi elihoping

the first days are rough - we spent years where the first reaction to feeling uncomfortable was to drink...and we do nothing but feel uncomfortable when we try and stop drinking.

Did you get any phone numbers from your AA meetings people to call? Are you planning to get a sponsor?

Building up a support network can really help when those panics strike...even posting here instead of going to the store can help

Don't get discouraged - have some other options besides drinking in place...learn to use them...and you'll soon get somewhere

D
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Old 08-30-2012, 02:48 PM
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It's very hard in the beginning. But, use that experience as a learning experience. If you knew this person was calling to ask you out for a drink, it would have been a good idea to ignore the call. It's a time for hard choices. Hang in there!
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Old 08-30-2012, 03:05 PM
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Originally Posted by elihoping View Post
I went to two AA meetings last week and then drank again. Didn't drink last night and went to my first women's only AA meeting tonight. I enjoyed it, was able to relax a little. Then on my way home, a friend texted me asking me to meet him for a drink and saying he knew I'd say no and that he hated himself for asking. I freaked out and texted him back to say I couldn't meet him but then I was so stressed by it all, I bought a bottle of wine and drank it at home by myself. **** this ****, so full of self loathing right now. When will enough be enough?
elihoping, are you committing to AA for your recovery?
I am going to 2 AA meetings today and one tomorrow... Do you have a sponsor?

I wish you the best.

Bob R
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Old 08-30-2012, 05:29 PM
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I'm trying to think of a way to put my thoughts into words...here was my experience in early 12 step recovery...

I didn't know what recovery and sobriety truly were, I only had my ideas about what they were. I thought that not drinking would make things better. Then I thought that going to meetings would fix things. Then I thought that calling people would make me feel less alone...etc etc

But for awhile just not drinking/using and going to meetings wasn't enough, I didn't feel good. I didn't know how to live. I didn't know or like any of the people who's numbers I had...I felt like I was supposed to be "getting" it, but I had no idea what "it" was or how it felt or sounded or smelled let alone how to "get" it.

In my area they referred to this as being a hot mess.

I'd go to two great meetings in one day, then leave one and halfway home feel myself spiraling...what was I going to do? where should I go? outside of a meeting I had no idea how to function, no idea how to deal with this mess of a life I'd created.

Finding a sponsor and working the steps gave me some direction and a track to follow until things settled down. I kept literature everywhere...in the bathroom, car, kitchen, etc...when I started feeling squirrely...I'd start reading.

I had pamplets in all my coat pockets. I'd just start reading, and my mind was reading the words and I was so confused that I had no idea what any of them meant, but it was something definite that I was doing that was related to my recovery.

that seems ages ago. Meaning, we DO recover! But I had to learn what it was, how it felt, etc.

the literature was a huge help, AND, I found one friend in the group and we made a habit out of talking to one another every morning. We had about the same amount of clean time, and we each had our own sponsors, but it really helped TONS to have someone that we checked in with every day, no matter what.
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Old 08-30-2012, 06:40 PM
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It sounds like you are willing, but you need to be ready to quit it once and for all.
I remember those days! I have tried quitting so many times.

What did it for me, was at my first meeting I met my sponsor. I dug right into the steps, and now I have 8 months of sobriety. I couldn't have done it without my sponsor. I needed all the extra support!!
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