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Old 08-30-2012, 01:17 PM
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Help

Right now - my mind is going through the all too familiar scenario of the fact that I want to be a "normal" drinker. I'm sitting at work talking to my co-worker about her going on vacation to San Diego next week. She talks about the rooftop bar at her hotel ... they are going to have a couple drinks and see where the night takes them. OH HOW I WISH I COULD DO THAT!!! My wedding is a little over a month away, and I know everyone will be sipping on cocktails... getting to that pleasurable feeling after a couple, without the fear of going over the edge. I want that SO BAD. Why??? How many times do I have to prove to myself that I can't drink like other people? I go to lengths of even saying well - my fiance will just help me... he'll tell me when we need to go. He already told me that the stipulation would be I can't drink w/o him... then I made the proposal that i don't drink at all. It's been 37 days - the first time I lasted 6 months. It's been harder this time i think.
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Old 08-30-2012, 01:25 PM
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You know where that one or two drinks will lead you.

Remember, you don't have to listen to your Alcoholic Voice, you have a choice. Play the tape all the way through.

Of course it's harder this time, and it will be even more difficult if you drink again.

Best wishes,
Jake
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Old 08-30-2012, 01:26 PM
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It is hard but you can do it. I think, however, that you need to be fully committed to believing alcohol is no longer an option. When you do that, your thinking will begin to shift and it will begin to get easier.

Congratulations on 37 days sober! That's great. This is just my opinion, but I don't think it's a good idea to put your husband in the position of care-taker. The alcoholism is something you need to deal with on your own. Of course, having a husband who is supportive is great, but I think expecting him to tell you when to leave is asking a bit too much. If it was me, I'd be really angry if my husband told me we had to leave when I was busy drinking.
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Old 08-30-2012, 01:30 PM
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dont justify or rationalize your addiction. I will find a way or reason to get high even if its under "social" pretenses. dont do it,stay strong and look to the road ahead!!! you can do it,i hope your wedding is awesome.
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Old 08-30-2012, 01:31 PM
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i like your moniker-katie did it 7-22?
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Old 08-30-2012, 04:23 PM
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Sometimes when people say they're going for a couple of drinks they don't actually mean alcoholic ones. I only say this because I remember quite a few times going out for 'drinks' with people when I would be the only one actually drinking! I remember it irritating the hell out of me then. How about having a few mocktails instead? You can still have a 'couple'. You'll still be normal. Tbh we have a better chance of coming off as 'normal' if we don't drink. Congrats on your upcoming wedding x
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Old 08-30-2012, 09:44 PM
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I really like hypochondriac's suggestion - why not talk to the people doing the reception ahead of time and have them mix up a wonderful non-alcoholic punch for you (and others who may not want to drink)? It's your special day - you'll be so glad you spent it sober and clear-minded!
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Old 08-30-2012, 11:09 PM
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Hi Katie~

My question to you is, it's your wedding, do you have to have alcohol at it? Why have it at all?!?!?

Also, try not to future trip. I know that's hard, but really just focus on one day at a time. Do you have a sponsor? Do you have a higher power? I would pray, pray, pray and talk to my sponsor.

If it was me, I wouldn't have alcohol at the wedding. It's too tempting especially in early sobriety. I know a women who has 38 years and to this day doesn't put herself in those types of situations.

I wish you the best and congratulations on your upcoming wedding
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Old 08-31-2012, 04:17 AM
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Congratulations on your wedding.

If you have determined you are an alcoholic there is always the danger of going over the edge with one or two.

However with a wedding the day go so quickly with all the activity.. I seriously doubt that when the day comes you will miss the alcohol. You will be too busy greeting, thanking everybody and enjoying the day.
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Old 08-31-2012, 04:33 AM
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It really helped me to remember that only alcoholics want SO BADLY to be normal drinkers . Normal drinkers and take or leave alcohol.

Congrats on your upcoming wedding. I'm sure it'll be a beautiful day.
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Old 08-31-2012, 05:03 AM
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From the Big Book:
Chapter 3

MORE ABOUT ALCOHOLISM

MOST OF us have been unwilling to admit we were real alcoholics. No person likes to think he is bodily and mentally different from his fellows. Therefore, it is not surprising that our drinking careers have been characterized by countless vain attempts to prove we could drink like other people. The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death.

We learned that we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholics. This is the first step in recovery. The delusion that we are like other people, or presently may be, has to be smashed.

We alcoholics are men and women who have lost the ability to control our drinking. We know that no real alcoholic ever recovers control. All of us felt at times that we were regaining control, but such intervals-usually brief-were inevitably followed by still less control, which led in time to pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization. We are convinced to a man that alcoholics of our type are in the grip of a progressive illness. Over any considerable period we get worse, never better.
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Old 08-31-2012, 05:26 AM
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KatieDid, I get from your post that you are already perfectly clear on ever drinking again, You know what happens when you drink, and that will never change. For me, the possibility of drinking in any reasonable manner again vanished many years ago, it was never going to happen.

There will always be that voice inside that says, 'You know what's fun? Alcohol!'. Always. I needed to find a way to accept that and realize that the voice no longer comes from me, and that I do not do what it says any longer. The voice has no power over me.

Congratulations on your sobriety, and on your upcoming wedding. It will be beautiful, I'm sure it will, and it will be because you now know that you have the power inside you to make it that way, and you choose to be sober.
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Old 08-31-2012, 06:43 AM
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When I stopped drinking alcohol I found another drink I love, Mountain Dew. At my wedding I made sure I had plenty of my drink around. When it came time for the toast I did it with Mountain Dew. I have been to weddings where there wasn't any alcohol. It's your wedding, you have that choice.

Congrats on the 37 days. Are you in any type of program? Have you just stop drinking? I had to change my way of life to stay sober.
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Old 08-31-2012, 07:07 AM
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Originally Posted by katiedid722 View Post
Right now - my mind is going through the all too familiar scenario of the fact that I want to be a "normal" drinker. I'm sitting at work talking to my co-worker about her going on vacation to San Diego next week. She talks about the rooftop bar at her hotel ... they are going to have a couple drinks and see where the night takes them. OH HOW I WISH I COULD DO THAT!!! My wedding is a little over a month away, and I know everyone will be sipping on cocktails... getting to that pleasurable feeling after a couple, without the fear of going over the edge. I want that SO BAD. Why??? How many times do I have to prove to myself that I can't drink like other people? I go to lengths of even saying well - my fiance will just help me... he'll tell me when we need to go. He already told me that the stipulation would be I can't drink w/o him... then I made the proposal that i don't drink at all. It's been 37 days - the first time I lasted 6 months. It's been harder this time i think.
Katie, are you going to AA meetings regularly?

If you can do this without the meetings... go for it.

If you can't, if you are an alcoholic as described in AA's "The Doctors Opinion" and "How It Works". If you are an alcoholic like me you need the meetings.

All the best.

Bob R
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Old 08-31-2012, 10:38 AM
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Hi Katiedid. I took a look at your first post on this site:


Originally Posted by katiedid722 View Post
My name is Katie, I am new to this site. hi all I guess I came here in hopes of finding some people who may know what I'm dealing with. I'm not completely new to this sober, AA thing. I went through 6 months sobriety when a weekend trip to the lake was all it took to start the ball rolling again. It wasn't until this past Saturday night that I lost control once again. I was doing well with the whole, 1, 2, 3 drinks and I'm done thing ... however the idea of alcohol was once again taking a form of precedence in my thinking. Then Saturday after a nice birthday dinner w/ my fiance (and a few glasses of wine) I decided to ditch him and go out w/ girlfriends, regardless of attempts from him to try and get me to go back home with him. Instead I told him that he had to let me go out w/ the girls, or else this is what makes people want to be single (OMG how in the WORLD can alcohol push me to reason like this??!) So, the night ends with shots I promised I wouldn't take, an end to a night I don't remember, a heartbroken (and sleepy) fiance after having to pick me up at 3:30 in the morning. I'm ashamed, filled with guilt and remorse. The trust I've built in 6 months just gone like that. So - where do I go from here? I'm going to pick up the pieces just like I always do. This was just one more failed attempt at drinking like a "normal" person. Alcohol will never treat me normally. I've got to get out of this endless battle before I really end up hurting myself, or losing those people closest to me.

After reading that, I have to ask myself, and maybe you should ask yourself, why your fiance thinks it's okay for you to drink as long as he's with you?! I mean I guess he hopes he can control you but he doesn't realize that alcoholism means having no control... as demonstrated in your first post, even with the best of intentions AND having him there to help control you, it takes you to a really crazy out-of-control spot. Does he really want to risk that happening again (especially at your wedding?!) And even if he does, you should not allow it to happen... you should make sure it doesn't by not having that first drink, because as we all know (believe me I can relate), it's all downhill and crazy out of control from there.

I think it's great you came here and posted when you have these thoughts about wanting to drink normally. It's great that you are honest with yourself that you cannot drink normally. It is not your fault, it is just how we are. Believe me some days when I hear Pitbull sing about drinking in Miami or whatever I start to think, "I want to do that! No fair!!!" Then I have to remind myself of the horrible consequences that come from my drinking. It is not worth it. And honestly all the people out there drinking in the world aren't consequence-free either. Some of them have their own drinking problems and we shouldn't assume they are able to handle their alcohol. And, as someone on SR once pointed out to me, it makes no sense to be jealous of the people who can drink alcohol "normally" because it doesn't do for them what it does for us... we like and crave alcohol because it gives us this special euphoria and takes us out of our minds in a way that it doesn't do for "normal drinkers." So being jealous of them having a drink or two is like being jealous of someone who has a cup of two or coffee, gets the desired effect from it (alertness, they like the taste, they get a little caffeine rush etc.) , or a cup or two of tea (relaxation, it soothes or calms them), and then they get on with their day without craving more coffee or tea and having it ruin their night/perhaps life. It is only our obsessive attraction to alcohol that makes us jealous of the people who can drink it "normally," when in reality if we were the people drinking it normally, we wouldn't even be phased by it, it would seriously be like enjoying a steak dinner and then getting on with our lives... not the pleasure and high that are associated with alcohol for us.

I don't know if I'm making sense but anyway just keep remembering why you don't drink, for your own sake and your fiancee's, and in my experience a certain freedom comes with that. You don't have to worry about the negative consequences, and you can focus on other positive experiences... your first dance as husband and wife, having your friends and family close to celebrate your special day... you can absorb and enjoy all those great feelings and moments without being under the influence of alcohol or any other substance that isn't the natural you. Congratulations on your upcoming wedding and I so hope you continue to choose sobriety!!!
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Old 08-31-2012, 10:43 AM
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When I tried to control my drinking I couldn't enjoy it, when I tried to enjoy my drinking I couldn't control it.
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