mrb

Thank you. Yes, it's a varied group for sure!

It feels like a beautiful thing. I went to my 3rd meeting tonight and actually went to a starbucks in the next town after for a fellowship, but only 4 people showed up and they quickly left; however, I elected to stay and read The 12 Steps and 12 Traditions.

After sitting and reading for about 30 mins, the arresting officer from my DUI actually pulled up for coffee!

I addressed him as 'Pardon me, officer *Smith?' (name changed out of respect) and he was like, 'you look familiar...' I basically said, 'yes, you got me on a DUI on Tuesday, and I would just like to sincerely apologize, but I would also like to thank you as I am in my 4th day of AA and it was truly a wake up call and a blessing, etc'

Anyway, he was very kind, and was actually like 'you weren't that bad, but you shouldn't have been driving' then he kind of mentioned that I should be able to get it reduced to a 'wet reckless'.

So basically, it was just pure higher power showing itself in the most serendipitous way.

I've already begun my awakening and am doing well on the first step.

I am going to a men's stag meeting tomorrow and am going to pray for the right sponsor for me to be there.

One other major thing - my sobriety has brought a second chance to my relationship; against all odds.

I have been given the chance to speak from my heart about the truth of my disease and tell the woman who has been with me through hell for the last 15 months that I am truly repentant and a lot more, but the bottom line is that she has seen what truly entering recovery offers for someone and this has been a true gift and a miracle.

In the 3 AA meetings I have been to, I have witnessed people share stories about coming back from similar lows and tell of the transformative power of the program.

If phrases like 'the program' turn you off then you can let your ego rule, but even someone like me who only considered himself 'spiritual' before all this (translation ...'yeah, I believe in something...') has been given the chance to begin an awakening that is possibly the only thing that could save my future from the futility of my own illusion of control.

That first night I walked up all alone, and the first thing I experienced was three guys hopping out of a truck as I neared the building. I sheepishly asked 'is this where the meeting is?' and one of them was like 'yeah, are you new?' and to my reply of yes, he said 'yeah, let's go get sober man!'.

And as I walked in the door, I was given a non-weird hug by a kind female greeter and all I had to do was sit and listen.

It was amazing to see people, many truly just like me, and all sharing my pain, telling stories and putting their humanity out there because they wanted a better life and they made a choice to go outside of their comfort zone as I had.

I've been reading the book a lot and the incredible thing is that, AA is a program that really covers so many more aspects of life than simply alcoholism. Because, the truth is - alcoholism affects every aspect of our lives.

I have the benefit of being a voracious reader and a quick study, so I have dived into this, but as everyone keeps telling me 'keep coming back'. 'Come here and things will get better on the outside'.

Trust me, I have done sobriety on my own, even at times for somewhat long periods, but it wasn't like this. And every time, my own denial inevitably led to the evil head of alcoholism rearing itself to turn my strongest times into my weakest.

I've done it, I've tried time and time again to drink like a normal person. I can't. I never will be able to.

And yes, I only have four days. I said that to a fellow alcoholic tonight and his reply was 'Sounds like four miracles to me'.

Thank you all. Cheers (is that bad to say ; ) lol, well, cheers with a nutritious, non-poisonous, non-alcoholic, delicious smoothie or lemonade to the next miracle, which - after I fall asleep begins first thing tomorrow.

mrb

And yes, I sound like a Pollyanna. "Yeah, everything is just amazing", well - that's because facing your fears is amazing. Yes, it f-ing sucks. Yes, I didn't want to be there tonight, yes I came home alone to an empty house and felt weird. Yes, I am starting life a new after hurting so many people and myself and yes, my ego tells me that AA feels like **** on some level. And yes, I am still scared ********. But I'm committed to doing this. As one well known actor said of the program 'It removes many of the insecurities that caused you to drink in the first place' So, screw how hard it is - because that to me is worth it. Nothing is worth going back to that low point.

Remember, rock bottom isn't when you stop falling, but when you stop digging.

This was the final wake up call to stop digging myself deeper and deeper into despair, isolation, pain, suffering, and denial.

I appreciate all your prayers for me and I will pray for you.

For the alcoholic who still suffers without hope, I pray for you. There is hope. You can and will do this.

instant

He will if you let him. I don't go to AA and I don't mean in the christian sense. I was desperate, and when detoxing and feeling raw, I found the senses too much. Light and reflections screamed at me. When I came to I was drawn to all sorts of reflections of light. One thing led to another and via the moon watching over me, I have found my path.

The universe is my guide. Thankfully there are signs everywhere, everyday.

It is spiritual but not of man.

mrb

Another day, another meeting, another miracle. #swag!

Sapling

Our liquor was but a symptom. So we had to get down to causes and conditions.

BB pg 64

Glad to see you are finding your way around...That's pretty cool with the cop showing up when you were having coffee.....Coincidence?

freshstart57

Welcome, mrb, glad to have you here. I found that once the alcohol was gone, everything else gradually fell into place again. Depression, anxiety, guilt, lack of motivation, all disappeared after I reclaimed control over my life by accepting I could never drink again.

You have the power in you to quit, to demand a life without the booze. Accept nothing less.

Sapling

This kind of goes against what AA is about....But I hope it works for you mrb like it did for me.

NoFireWater

MRB sorry it took a dui to get you to this place, but I'm glad you got here! Cool story about the cop in the coffee shop, there are no accidents...

Don't give up on the girl totally. Maybe once you get your act together she will be back in your life again. That happened with me and my boyfriend, thought it was over forever, and we're together now. You never know.

mrb

Another meeting another miracle!

mrb

Alright, time to update this thread. Well, I am 41 days sober today. So, I have kept my sobriety and it has been a journey.

I had my DUI arraignment. Went fairly well.

As part of my DUI sentence, I have to attend 2 AA meetings a week. So, My arraignment was last Tuesday and I went to a meeting on Thursday. I need to go to another tomorrow!

I am really just dealing with the fact that I put myself in such a hole with my drinking.

Basically, I screwed myself financially, and I am having to really make things happen. I also am dealing with my relationship with my girlfriend on the edge of falling apart.

It seems as if all the damage from the past is ruining the present and denying me the respect that I deserve today.

So, I am pretty much trying to get my freelance web development business off the ground so I can pay my bills, which are all late.

And I'm praying my relationship turns another corner.

I have felt and looked progressively better - leading up to this Friday, when I felt amazing, but then I got the flu and have been sick all weekend. The good news is that I am near 72 hours without smoking any cigarettes and I am praying I can keep that up.

You just realize so much being sober. You see everything different and you start to feel everything.

You also think back on all the time spent drinking - all the time wasted, and that keeps you sober.

notsleeping

I had one of those DUIs too. Icant afford another. It was a few years ago. I wish you the best. I wish it would have been my eye opener. It should have been.

trikuza

Many times I've gone through relationship/friendship/family ruining nights mrb. But through sobriety I have gained their trust back and rebuilt relationships. Unfortunately I have broken my sobriety a few times. I recently made an ass out of myself in front of everyone at a wedding. I had to hit the reset button, so im on day 9 of sobriety right now. If your loved ones see you are seriously trying to patch things up, you should be good.