forabetterlife

Here I am on another day one. I'm not hungover. In fact, I only had a few beers last night and stopped by 6 so I had my usual fitful yet restful first sober night's sleep. But clearly my body is still feeling the effects of almost two months of daily drinking, since my last string of abstinence. My head is throbbing, my body and mind are totally exhausted, and I am so irritable with my kids and just about everything in general.

Now, I'm just wishing time away. I want tonight over with, I want to get to that day, maybe tomorrow or the next day, where I really start to feel good. I know the routine, I've been doing this on and off for year now. Yet, scared of feeling good, because I know that's when I start to forget how bad I felt and convince myself I can and should drink again. I compare it to the start of a diet, but ten times worse. When you are doing the right thing, fighting your natural habits, yet still feel awful.

I want to be sober, every day. I know there is no other way for me to live anymore. Alcohol and I do not get along anymore. The consequences to that relaxing glass (bottle, actually) of wine at the end of the day are just too much to bear anymore.

I just need to be strong and patient, and wait for the good stuff. I did this to myself, and it's not going to be easy.

Thanks for reading, I just need to share and get some of this out or I swear it just tears me apart inside.

sunnysocal

i know the feeling,you wish you can just fast forward to the easy part where you are sober. I wish i had a life remote sometimes. Its day one for me again and i have been getting high for 20 yrs. Stay strong,stay sober and live free.

Sapling

I have to ask you...What have you been doing?...Do you have any kind of recovery plan?....This takes some effort....I had to pick a program that looked good to me and committ myself to it....Are there things you are trying that aren't working?....Are there things you haven't tried yet?

Anna

It's not easy, but you can do it.

And, when you make the decision that drinking is no longer an option, you will figure out healthy ways to deal with life.

Take a look around and you will see that we do understand.

WantToHeal

I wish for you that in a (hopefully short) while, you will come to realize that time is a very precious thing, and we shouldn't wish it away. But I know how you feel.

forabetterlife

I have tried AA years ago, and for many reasons, I know that is not the right program for me right now. I know that many will say that is why I'm not succeeding. I have read tons of recovery books and articles, but I know that does not take place of actually "doing it". So, I guess to answer your question..no I do not have a plan or a program besides reading, writing, journaling, exercising, eating right, and hydrating myself with healthy drinks I enjoy. And SR, of course.

Sapling

Have you looked into AVRT?

Anna

It sounds like you're doing the right things to help yourself recover.

And, you're right, reading recovery books doesn't make you recover. However, I learned how to begin to like/love myself and how to live an authentic life from some of the books I read. This was uncharted territory to me, but it was exciting and fulfilling to begin to change my thought patterns and to feel peace coming into my life.

MetalChick

forabetterlife,

Although you are not particularly hungover, like you said, you are still suffering the effects of all that drinking over a few months.
Sounds like my days of the hangover from hell, or the anxiety of doing something really lame while drunk. I just wanted time to pass, so I would feel better. Unfortunately I started to drink to cure the hangovers and numb the fear. Remembering the first couple of weeks sober sure helps to keep me that way. I never want to go through that again; Whew! Hang in there

WantToHeal,

"I wish for you that in a (hopefully short) while, you will come to realize that time is a very precious thing, and we shouldn't wish it away. But I know how you feel."

That's awesome! You are so right. I need to remember that.

sunnysocal,

Congrats on day one

MsJax

Hi forabetterlife It sounds kind of like you are waiting for the good stuff of life to happen, and putting a lot of hope into it all being better once you are sober. And of course, life is much better sober. Sometimes though, for me, it is ok to let the bad feelings just be. It took me forever to realize its ok, just sink in. Feel your feelings sober, it's not all good like we are sometimes told to believe.

Your program sounds good, it sounds a lot like mine, and I have been sober over 17 months after being a black-out daily drinker. I see you said " I did this to myself", please don't subconsciously berate or blame yourself too much.

Someguy23

That's fine, I'll take a wild guess that everyone here has felt that way at one point or another.

Six beers is still kind of a lot so don't discount the possibility that this is a mild hangover. I also used to think that beer came in 6-packs because you're supposed to drink six at a time, but for most people six beers isn't light drinking... it's getting drunk.

Hang in there because time often flies faster than we think.

forabetterlife

Thank you all so much, just what I needed. I have read up on AVRT and I like and have tried some of the techniques. I should clarify though (not that it really matters) but I had 3 beers last night and stopped at 6:00..not 6 beers, so I'm not technically hungover but boy do I feel my body start to adjust and heal. Or maybe I 'm just actually 'feeling' again period. Even though I work hard all day and don't drink til 5pm, it's amazing what we can do to our bodies in just 4 or 5 hours. I really don't want to wish time away. I am grateful for my experiences with sobriety over this past year, it really has opened my eyes. And I'm even more grateful for all the support and generosity here on SR. For people like me who choose not to go to AA and don't share struggles with drinking with anyone (because practically no one in my life knows that it is the issue that it has become- I hide it well) it's nice to have found a place like this.

I am just ready for it to be permanent. And I'm just going to take it day by day and try to slow my mind down.

Sapling

I think whatever you are going to use...You have to committ to it....If it's a matter of studying a certain amount of time and practicing AVRT...Then that's what you have to do....I think anything is going to take work. Yeah this site is great for online support...I use this along with my meetings and it keeps me grounded....I wish you the best....There is a life out there that is a lot better without alcohol. I hope you find it.

artsoul

If you've never tried "mindfulness," it helped me immensely. (Just something you might want to read about at some point - I know it's really early in the process right now).

Be really, really good to yourself, too.