I am worried about my drinking...
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 1,180
Originally Posted by Vall 
Can I please ask what you all consider to be "drinking heavily"?
and if you are dependant on alcohol, does this mean that you would drink absolutely anything?
I (at the moment) only like wine and an occasional WitBier (Hoegaarden) when it is hot.
and if you are dependant on alcohol, does this mean that you would drink absolutely anything?
I (at the moment) only like wine and an occasional WitBier (Hoegaarden) when it is hot.
I was strictly wine too-don't think the drink matters.Maybe my husband would think I had a problem is I drank anything-wine at home-not a problem-according to him
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 91
Hi Vall,
My post is long, but I hope it helps. I've bolded the parts that represent the cliff notes.
I know that for me, until my life started to become significantly less manageable than I was comfortable with, I could successfully convince myself that my escalated drinking was a temporary situation. I was (and still am) on my way to finishing a doctorate in biomedical research from a prestigious American university. I was engaged to a woman who was beautiful and also successful. My accommodations were comfortable, and dressed in nice clothes. I could discuss the aspects of fine beer, wine and what vintages and regions were nearing their prime, and the characteristics of fine and diverse scotches.
If I could successfully return to that type of relationship with alcohol, I would. That life lasted for about a year and before I knew it, the disease had its hooks in. It sounds like your drinking might be somewhere along the lines of where mine was during that period in my drinking career. Some people can maintain that relationship with alcohol without developing full blown alcoholism. I'd point out that the association of confirmed alcoholism in your family suggests your own genetic predisposition toward the disease.
For me, about a year and a half ago, I lost control of my drinking. I didn't lose my material possessions, relationship, or professional standing. I'd estimate that I was about 6 months away from that point though.
I drank daily, stopped caring about what it was that I was drinking, switched almost exclusively to vodka because it lessened the hangovers, went to significant lengths to obtain alcohol, and would drink when I'd committed not to or drink more than I'd initially intended. I was physically dependent.
I sought out help, received it, and now prioritize my recovery from alcoholism. I can tell you that my life without alcohol is much different and better than I could have ever imagined. I have had relapses and they were not enjoyable. I have eliminated friendships that weren't earnest and have made close relationships with others in recovery. Those relationships are built on firmer footing than any I've had outside of recovery.
I cannot tell you if you are alcoholic. Your posting suggests that your drinking concerns you and I think that alone speaks volumes. Your question of whether you're an alcoholic doesn't typically arise in individuals who aren't. . . I know that because I once asked the same question of myself. When my relationship with alcohol resembled where yours seems to be, I was not convinced of my alcoholism. It took more drinking for that to come. If I had realized it earlier, I may have spared myself a lot of suffering.
Most practicing alcoholics solicit help when they've reached a bottom sufficient to motivate recovery. You can choose where your bottom is because all you have to do is to stop digging.
If you're not sure if you're an alcoholic, I suggest researching the matter by attempting some controlled drinking. Your success or failure at that should inform you of whether you're like us.
However things turn out for you, I wish you the best.
My post is long, but I hope it helps. I've bolded the parts that represent the cliff notes.
I know that for me, until my life started to become significantly less manageable than I was comfortable with, I could successfully convince myself that my escalated drinking was a temporary situation. I was (and still am) on my way to finishing a doctorate in biomedical research from a prestigious American university. I was engaged to a woman who was beautiful and also successful. My accommodations were comfortable, and dressed in nice clothes. I could discuss the aspects of fine beer, wine and what vintages and regions were nearing their prime, and the characteristics of fine and diverse scotches.
If I could successfully return to that type of relationship with alcohol, I would. That life lasted for about a year and before I knew it, the disease had its hooks in. It sounds like your drinking might be somewhere along the lines of where mine was during that period in my drinking career. Some people can maintain that relationship with alcohol without developing full blown alcoholism. I'd point out that the association of confirmed alcoholism in your family suggests your own genetic predisposition toward the disease.
For me, about a year and a half ago, I lost control of my drinking. I didn't lose my material possessions, relationship, or professional standing. I'd estimate that I was about 6 months away from that point though.
I drank daily, stopped caring about what it was that I was drinking, switched almost exclusively to vodka because it lessened the hangovers, went to significant lengths to obtain alcohol, and would drink when I'd committed not to or drink more than I'd initially intended. I was physically dependent.
I sought out help, received it, and now prioritize my recovery from alcoholism. I can tell you that my life without alcohol is much different and better than I could have ever imagined. I have had relapses and they were not enjoyable. I have eliminated friendships that weren't earnest and have made close relationships with others in recovery. Those relationships are built on firmer footing than any I've had outside of recovery.
I cannot tell you if you are alcoholic. Your posting suggests that your drinking concerns you and I think that alone speaks volumes. Your question of whether you're an alcoholic doesn't typically arise in individuals who aren't. . . I know that because I once asked the same question of myself. When my relationship with alcohol resembled where yours seems to be, I was not convinced of my alcoholism. It took more drinking for that to come. If I had realized it earlier, I may have spared myself a lot of suffering.
Most practicing alcoholics solicit help when they've reached a bottom sufficient to motivate recovery. You can choose where your bottom is because all you have to do is to stop digging.
If you're not sure if you're an alcoholic, I suggest researching the matter by attempting some controlled drinking. Your success or failure at that should inform you of whether you're like us.
However things turn out for you, I wish you the best.
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Surrey, UK
Posts: 522
Thank you so very very much all of you.
What a great place to be when you feel that you are sinking.
I am sort of aware that I have to be careful. Very careful. I have responsibilites, people who depend on me and I think in the end that because I am needed I don't want to sink completely. That would be selfish. Very selfish.
Mrlofg: I hate singling people out as everyone has helped me enormously on here but I hope you are back on track and I suggest you go into counselling of some kind as you could help people.
I still think though that if I was dependant I would drink anything in the house? and I don't. I can't bear most spirits etc.
What a great place to be when you feel that you are sinking.
I am sort of aware that I have to be careful. Very careful. I have responsibilites, people who depend on me and I think in the end that because I am needed I don't want to sink completely. That would be selfish. Very selfish.
Mrlofg: I hate singling people out as everyone has helped me enormously on here but I hope you are back on track and I suggest you go into counselling of some kind as you could help people.
I still think though that if I was dependant I would drink anything in the house? and I don't. I can't bear most spirits etc.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Anchorage, AK
Posts: 391
I noticed I was an alcoholic when I started trying to stop and I couldn't. Try going a week or a month with out alcohol. If you can't then maybe you are addicted. And alcoholism varies. You seem to be refer to the tv type alcoholics that have extreme cases where they drink listerine and anything that possibly has alcohol in it. A lot of people here I imagine are functional alcoholics. You can see them in broad day light and never know what is behind the curtain!
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Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: New England
Posts: 604
Just the fact that you're posting here means you think your drinking may be a problem. There are many stages of alcoholism, and catching it at the beginning is way better than waiting until it takes over your entire life. You can't get back those moments it wastes.
I have problems with alcohol and I only drank one thing-I couldn't drink most of the booze that's around, but it didn't stop me from having problems when I had too much of my drink of choice. When they say "Sail away with the Captain" they're not kidding lol If you're thinking because you wouldn't drink if there was no wine around you don't have a problem, that may be true. However, do you make sure there's wine around so you never test the theory?
It doesn't really help to define 'heavy drinking" in my opinion. Each person is affected differently. It's what it does to your health, your habits, your resolve, your soul, your life. If you can't stop or control it, it's a problem. You may not be dependent yet, but you will be if you're like the rest of us.
Glad you're here and posting with us! Welcome aboard
I have problems with alcohol and I only drank one thing-I couldn't drink most of the booze that's around, but it didn't stop me from having problems when I had too much of my drink of choice. When they say "Sail away with the Captain" they're not kidding lol If you're thinking because you wouldn't drink if there was no wine around you don't have a problem, that may be true. However, do you make sure there's wine around so you never test the theory?
It doesn't really help to define 'heavy drinking" in my opinion. Each person is affected differently. It's what it does to your health, your habits, your resolve, your soul, your life. If you can't stop or control it, it's a problem. You may not be dependent yet, but you will be if you're like the rest of us.
Glad you're here and posting with us! Welcome aboard
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,384
Hi Welcome Vall
I moved your posts all to one thread
We have quite a contingent of Brits here (and Irish, Aussies, Kiwis, Canadians and South Africans)...you'll fit in fine
I think that rather than getting stuck on the A word its sometimes better to ask yourself things like - is my drinking causing me problems? is it getting worse? Am I unable to stop?
If the answer to any of those questions is yes then I think you have a problem you need to look at - and you're in the right place
Welcome!
D
I moved your posts all to one thread
We have quite a contingent of Brits here (and Irish, Aussies, Kiwis, Canadians and South Africans)...you'll fit in fine
I think that rather than getting stuck on the A word its sometimes better to ask yourself things like - is my drinking causing me problems? is it getting worse? Am I unable to stop?
If the answer to any of those questions is yes then I think you have a problem you need to look at - and you're in the right place
Welcome!
D
Last edited by Dee74; 08-29-2012 at 02:02 PM.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Canada. About as far south as you can get
Posts: 4,768
Hi Vall:
If you just "drink too much" then quit drinking and your problem is solved.
If you are an alcoholic like me and quit drinking, your problem is just beginning.
Try quitting and it will become obvious quite soon which you are.
All the best.
Bob R
If you just "drink too much" then quit drinking and your problem is solved.
If you are an alcoholic like me and quit drinking, your problem is just beginning.
Try quitting and it will become obvious quite soon which you are.
All the best.
Bob R
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 1,145
Hi Vall
Good to have you here! There are quite a few Brits here so don't feel alone on that front.
Lots of people come here wondering if they are an alcoholic or not and I always think that if being sober is what you think is best for you, then it probably is. Why don't you try being sober for 90 days? (That's what is usually recommended when people are unsure - it's a better indication than 30 days - if you find it easy then you probably are OK but the benefits are huge and you'll probably find that sober is better!)
Wishing you all the best. Stick around and post as much as you like.
Good to have you here! There are quite a few Brits here so don't feel alone on that front.
Lots of people come here wondering if they are an alcoholic or not and I always think that if being sober is what you think is best for you, then it probably is. Why don't you try being sober for 90 days? (That's what is usually recommended when people are unsure - it's a better indication than 30 days - if you find it easy then you probably are OK but the benefits are huge and you'll probably find that sober is better!)
Wishing you all the best. Stick around and post as much as you like.
I looked like that holdin beer
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 627
I am so sorry for the loss of your dad 
and thanks for posting. I know you will find a lot of support here.
"My question is to all of you very brave people, is this how dependency on alcohol starts? Are there any clear cut signs?"
In my opinion, a clear cut sign of the first stage of alcoholism is an increased tolerance for alcohol. If you are drinking more and more and it takes more booze to get 'buzzed" then your body is actually psychically changing and alcoholism can be developing as the nasty progressive disease that is is. You are not going to experience many consequences at this point, such as hangovers.
Maybe you could stop drinking for a while and see how you feel and what you discover. That will tell you a lot about what is going on with you and help you to deal with your real emotions in this tough time.
Hugs, MC
and thanks for posting. I know you will find a lot of support here."My question is to all of you very brave people, is this how dependency on alcohol starts? Are there any clear cut signs?"
In my opinion, a clear cut sign of the first stage of alcoholism is an increased tolerance for alcohol. If you are drinking more and more and it takes more booze to get 'buzzed" then your body is actually psychically changing and alcoholism can be developing as the nasty progressive disease that is is. You are not going to experience many consequences at this point, such as hangovers.
Maybe you could stop drinking for a while and see how you feel and what you discover. That will tell you a lot about what is going on with you and help you to deal with your real emotions in this tough time.
Hugs, MC
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 2,937
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Originally Posted by Vall
I still think though that if I was dependant I would drink anything in the house? and I don't. I can't bear most spirits etc.
I would have said this about me too at one time.
But then I asked myself, 'have I really been in the situation where there is nothing to drink in the house except cooking sherry?'
My answer would be no - I can buy wine all day, everyday if I want.
If I was too drunk to drive, I could have it delivered.
The garage near me sells booze 24 hours a day.
I always made sure that I was never in the situation where I had run out of what I needed to drink.
I also think we have misconceptions about alcohol dependent.
I thought it was someone who drank all day, every day. Frst thing in the morning to last thing at night. Never stopped.
However, if you look at how we metabolise alcohol, our systems may not be completely free of alcohol until say 2pm in the afternoon for example and then we might start entertaining idea's of drinking again.
That clock watching feeling until we think it is safe or 'acceptable' to have another drink. Be it six o'clock or just when it's dark. Or half seven when Coronation street is about to start.
I read some AA literature and identified with many behaviours.
Such as rotating shops where I bought booze so the owner would not think bad of me buying so much booze everyday.
I swapped from wine to spirits to wine to beer to try and 'control' my drinking better.
I woke up every morning say no more, by 3pm I was justifying buying a bottle of vodka on my way home.
I see many similarities with my drinking and other 'problem' drinking.
I never drank all day, every day.
I still work.
I still have responsibilities.
But my drinking concerned me.
In terms of the quantities another way to think of it is like this.....
If after every three drinks you have you end up in a physical fight that hurts you and others, then your drinking is problematic.
If after three pints of lager you black out and hurt yourself every night, your drinking is a problem.
If after two small glasses of sherry, you engagein risky behaviour, that outs your life in danger or others, then your drinking is a problem.
It's not how much. It's not what type. Its what happens and to who.
I have never labelled myself an 'alcoholic'.
I have never committed to life long never drinking again.
I just take it one day at a time.
I had false starts.
I gave up.
Finally I seem to be getting it.
It takes work.
It takes resolve.
But it is worth it.
From reading the wisdom and experience shared here, I don't want things to get worse and I know they can and could do.
Read about the 'yets' that AA talk about.
You don't have to declare your status to anyone, including yourself - be it the staus or title of an alcoholic, binge drinker etc etc.
Just be aware that drink is causing you problems and will most likely cause you lots more.
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 14,916
Welcome!
Can I please ask what you all consider to be "drinking heavily"?
For me, it wasn't so much a problem with quantity. It became a problem of frequency. I was quite successful professionally and having a few drinks in the evening to relax became an everyday thing. For years. And in order to get the feeling I was looking for, after awhile beer gave way to vodka. Things went downhill after that.
Can I please ask what you all consider to be "drinking heavily"?
For me, it wasn't so much a problem with quantity. It became a problem of frequency. I was quite successful professionally and having a few drinks in the evening to relax became an everyday thing. For years. And in order to get the feeling I was looking for, after awhile beer gave way to vodka. Things went downhill after that.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Cheshire, N.W England
Posts: 6,803
Hi VAll and welcome
I'm in the U.K too.
I think that if you are worried about your drinking and worried enough to post on this site, then you do have a problem with alcohol.
May not be a huge problem right now, but it could be a progressive one.
Anyway, you'll get loads of support on here, we're all here to help
Big hugs
Gx
I'm in the U.K too.
I think that if you are worried about your drinking and worried enough to post on this site, then you do have a problem with alcohol.
May not be a huge problem right now, but it could be a progressive one.
Anyway, you'll get loads of support on here, we're all here to help
Big hugs
Gx
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Surrey, UK
Posts: 522
Hello again all and thank you so much for all your thoughts and comments.
This is Day 1 for me with no drinking. I emptied a bottle of wine down the sink this morning.
I also have a doctors appointment this afternoon and I rarely go to the doctors...but I realise I am probably depressed as I have many of the signs (eat badly hardly anything, have stopped eating chocolate, stopped my sporting activities, dislike my work and get lonely although I am on my owna lot at the moment so normal) and I think that all I am doing is masking it by drinking.
It would have been my Dad's birthday tomorrow.
You have all already helped me to at least face my fears and I can't thank you enough for that.
Can I ask are most people on here ex-drinkers or are some people like me trying to stop right now?
This is Day 1 for me with no drinking. I emptied a bottle of wine down the sink this morning.
I also have a doctors appointment this afternoon and I rarely go to the doctors...but I realise I am probably depressed as I have many of the signs (eat badly hardly anything, have stopped eating chocolate, stopped my sporting activities, dislike my work and get lonely although I am on my owna lot at the moment so normal) and I think that all I am doing is masking it by drinking.
It would have been my Dad's birthday tomorrow.
You have all already helped me to at least face my fears and I can't thank you enough for that.
Can I ask are most people on here ex-drinkers or are some people like me trying to stop right now?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
vail, glad yer here.
one thing that cought me is saying you dont want to follow in his( your brothers) footsteps. he must see that alcohol is a major problem in his life and wants help so he is going to AA. are them really bad footsteps to follow in?
one thing that cought me is saying you dont want to follow in his( your brothers) footsteps. he must see that alcohol is a major problem in his life and wants help so he is going to AA. are them really bad footsteps to follow in?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
i am a recovering alcoholic. the dependance on alcohol for me was that i was to the point that it was the only thing important to me. i didnt drink just anything. i didnt live in the gutter or end up in detox or a psych ward. it was that my whole life revolved around alcohol. the amount i drank was determined by how much was necessary to get me drunk, black out, and pass out. by the end, i couldnt do it every day. it hurt too much and i had to give my body a day off here and there. i was in a bad way and the day after my last drunk( which i was still drunk when i passed back in that day) i had finally conceded that alcohol was the problem in my life. i knew if i took another drink i would kill myself. it was then that i went to AA.
alcoholism isnt about how much or what we drink. it is about why we drink and what we do when drinking. absolutely no control over how much we drink once we have had one.
its all about the thinking. i know a man that was a wine drinker. a glass or 2( occasionally more, but not to drunkenness)with dinner and a total of 6 blackouts in his very long drinking career. he leanred about alcoholism through AA and has been sober 20+ years now.
alcoholism isnt about how much or what we drink. it is about why we drink and what we do when drinking. absolutely no control over how much we drink once we have had one.
its all about the thinking. i know a man that was a wine drinker. a glass or 2( occasionally more, but not to drunkenness)with dinner and a total of 6 blackouts in his very long drinking career. he leanred about alcoholism through AA and has been sober 20+ years now.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Florida US
Posts: 296
Vall great advice by Dee. The A word is just a word. It doesn't define who you are. We are so many other things inspite of our drinking difficulties.
Self inquiry about how exactly alcohol affected me, what did it rob me of, was vital and still is in keeping me sober. In my case, the realization that I couldn't keep myself from driving drunk with my child in the car was a huge deterrent. A child that was so wanted and so desperatly desired that i endured torturous fertility treatments and huge debt to bring her into this world, but would not think twice before risking her precious little life. Analyze the things you absolutely hate about your drinking and see if you hate them enough to stay sober.
Best wishes on this challenging but amazing journey.
Natalie
Self inquiry about how exactly alcohol affected me, what did it rob me of, was vital and still is in keeping me sober. In my case, the realization that I couldn't keep myself from driving drunk with my child in the car was a huge deterrent. A child that was so wanted and so desperatly desired that i endured torturous fertility treatments and huge debt to bring her into this world, but would not think twice before risking her precious little life. Analyze the things you absolutely hate about your drinking and see if you hate them enough to stay sober.
Best wishes on this challenging but amazing journey.
Natalie
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