Stress drinking and "normal" drinkers
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Happy Valley, OR
Posts: 28
This type of thinking scares me and gets me into trouble every single time!!!! I watch all my friends on fb talk about how they are getting drinks after work because it was such a stressful day and I just want to cringe?!?!?!
For me, if I was going out or going to a party, you know what I would do? Drink before I got to the destination AND if it was a party at someone's house, bring wine to "share" so I would make sure we wouldn't run out!!! LMAO!!!! I think I knew I had a problem awhile ago and I just didn't want to accept it. Step 1 and I go round and round all of the time. I never think my life is unmanageable because I have never really lost anything BUT the pain I put my parents and my boyfriend through is very hard and really hurts me because I know they love me and what me to be happy. I have finally learned that alcohol is NOT the solution.
Anyway, sorry, I didn't mean to hijack this thread about ME!!! But, back to your point. I think "normal" drinkers just know when to say enough is enough and alcoholics just keep drinking. I mean, when people leave wine or beer in their glasses I am like, Um?!?! Alcohol Abuse?!?! LOL!!!! That is how I look at it though.
Great topic
For me, if I was going out or going to a party, you know what I would do? Drink before I got to the destination AND if it was a party at someone's house, bring wine to "share" so I would make sure we wouldn't run out!!! LMAO!!!! I think I knew I had a problem awhile ago and I just didn't want to accept it. Step 1 and I go round and round all of the time. I never think my life is unmanageable because I have never really lost anything BUT the pain I put my parents and my boyfriend through is very hard and really hurts me because I know they love me and what me to be happy. I have finally learned that alcohol is NOT the solution.
Anyway, sorry, I didn't mean to hijack this thread about ME!!! But, back to your point. I think "normal" drinkers just know when to say enough is enough and alcoholics just keep drinking. I mean, when people leave wine or beer in their glasses I am like, Um?!?! Alcohol Abuse?!?! LOL!!!! That is how I look at it though.
Great topic
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
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Pigtails, I think there are a lot of things that come together to create an alcoholic. And, I think that once that combination occurs, it's over, and there's no going back. As the amazing Betty Ford said, the line is invisible, and we never know when we cross it, but there is no going back.
I wonder too, if you're looking for a loophole. I know how hard it is to accept that you're an alcoholic. I fought it for a long time, but once I accepted it, peace entered my life.
I wonder too, if you're looking for a loophole. I know how hard it is to accept that you're an alcoholic. I fought it for a long time, but once I accepted it, peace entered my life.
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Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 221
Originally Posted by Pigtails 
I often hear my friends and family members say "I NEED A DRINK" when they've had a hard day. They say things along the lines of "this was so stressful, I need a beer," or "I really needed this margarita after such an emotional event."
I've read that drinking to cope with stress or emotions can be a sign of a problem. But it seems to me that everyone (who drinks) does it. Does it mean everyone has a problem???
I'm not sure why this question is important to me-- I'm realizing it feels better to deal with my stress and emotions in more constructive ways than drinking (taking a bubble bath, reading a good book, watching a funny or engaging movie, exercising etc.). I guess I just can't wrap my head around the concept of "normal" drinkers. Maybe I don't know any (everyone I know who drinks has a problem??) or maybe it is "normal" to have a drink or two for stress and then stop, but it becomes a problem when someone drinks too much or too often to deal with stress?
I just look around and start to realize that my concept of "normal drinking" may be off because maybe everyone I know who drinks drinks problematically. So sometimes (not at this moment -- right now I am fine but it sneaks up on me) it is hard for me to realize/remember what my issues are with drinking when they seem "normal" to me.
I've read that drinking to cope with stress or emotions can be a sign of a problem. But it seems to me that everyone (who drinks) does it. Does it mean everyone has a problem???
I'm not sure why this question is important to me-- I'm realizing it feels better to deal with my stress and emotions in more constructive ways than drinking (taking a bubble bath, reading a good book, watching a funny or engaging movie, exercising etc.). I guess I just can't wrap my head around the concept of "normal" drinkers. Maybe I don't know any (everyone I know who drinks has a problem??) or maybe it is "normal" to have a drink or two for stress and then stop, but it becomes a problem when someone drinks too much or too often to deal with stress?
I just look around and start to realize that my concept of "normal drinking" may be off because maybe everyone I know who drinks drinks problematically. So sometimes (not at this moment -- right now I am fine but it sneaks up on me) it is hard for me to realize/remember what my issues are with drinking when they seem "normal" to me.
7Thats right parties! I don't know why when I think of party I think of drinking in excess amounts! I don't know were I got that notion. My friends can drink a good amount and stop, I can drink a good amount then forget to stop. If I am out socially drinking its fine, but when I think of going to parties I am already thinking, "im gona get fadedddd!!".
I did enjoy those stressed out beers, etc. for the reason that it doesn't take any effort but going to the fridge, or bar and ordering some. Whereas exercise requires me to work, as well reading a book (I do enjoy reading).
Also, doing those things takes time away from what I need to do like, study! So simply opening a beer and studying was better than taking time away and doing things that detracted me from my educational goals.
I do believe that not everyone that drinks has a problem, I know quite a few of those. But I also know some that do have problems, and I feel at the moment I am one of them. Since I am a fresh quitter, I am still able to answer this question as I would have if I was still a drinker.
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Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 221
Originally Posted by Needsassistance
To me there is normal drinking, or as I would say knowing when to stop, when to not drink, etc. then there is me, not normal. Drinking alone, drinking to blackout, progressively getting worse and worse but I kept going.
I tried to fool myself for a while that I Was normal. I didn't drink every day(I'm a binge drunk), I could cut back, could keep limits, etc. thirty eight or sp days ago my mind changed. I finally gave up fighting it, I'm not a normal drinker.
I can't drink , period.
I tried to fool myself for a while that I Was normal. I didn't drink every day(I'm a binge drunk), I could cut back, could keep limits, etc. thirty eight or sp days ago my mind changed. I finally gave up fighting it, I'm not a normal drinker.
I can't drink , period.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 1,193
Originally Posted by Anna
Pigtails, I think there are a lot of things that come together to create an alcoholic. And, I think that once that combination occurs, it's over, and there's no going back. As the amazing Betty Ford said, the line is invisible, and we never know when we cross it, but there is no going back.
I wonder too, if you're looking for a loophole. I know how hard it is to accept that you're an alcoholic. I fought it for a long time, but once I accepted it, peace entered my life.
I wonder too, if you're looking for a loophole. I know how hard it is to accept that you're an alcoholic. I fought it for a long time, but once I accepted it, peace entered my life.
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Southeast US
Posts: 332
Originally Posted by Pigtails
I have to remember to stay focused on myself and not other people. I am very observant and over-analytical so that is so hard for me to do, but I'm trying. 
I've had variants on this topic on a couple threads, about how hyper-aware we become of others' drinking patterns when we cease our own use. I know for a fact that a couple of people I know are alcoholics in denial, and that a number of people I know cross barriers when drinking and engage in other compromising behaviors. Such knowledge only strengthens my resolve to stay sober (and clear of people who will make trouble for me!)
Sober since Jan 1, 2012
Join Date: Mar 2009
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Originally Posted by Pigtails
I am very observant and over-analytical so that is so hard for me to do, but I'm trying.
I just think that you are looking for the loophole out, a way to rationalize and talk yourself out of what you already know. I know I've done it, a zillion times.
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Join Date: Mar 2009
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Originally Posted by Anna
I fought it for a long time, but once I accepted it, peace entered my life.
Sober since Jan 1, 2012
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Colorado
Posts: 1,583
Originally Posted by Pigtails
I guess this is an anger phase where I get mad at how prevalent alcohol is. And maybe part of me wants a way out although it really is easier in a way to accept it rather than always fight with it.
I don't quite view it as a curse any longer. For a long time, I associated it with other diseases. Like my husband's epilepsy. He has it, nothing he can do about it. It is what it is (like me being an alcoholic). He takes daily medication (I go to AA mtgs, see my sponsor), he cannot join the military or fly planes (I can't drink), but he lives a very fulfilling life regardless (like me) and doesn't sit around being angry or sad about not being able to do those things.
You have to know in your GUT that you are done. You have to honestly know and feel that "never again".
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Home - there's no place like Home
Posts: 974
Need vs Want. I need to vacuum, but don't want to. I need to buy gas, but HATE to! I wanted to drink, never needed to. Want took over my brain and my actions followed to the tune of bottles and bottles of wine. Never a glass. Always a bottle. Better yet, a couple of bottles.
I NEED to stay stopped. I WANT to, too!!
I NEED to stay stopped. I WANT to, too!!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Kentucky
Posts: 61
This is an awesome thread! I always hear my co-workers saying, "I went here, I went there, I did this or that all weekend...." And I'm always like, "you did all that without a drink?!" Sometimes I just really think it's unfair! Ya know? Why can't I just have a couple drinks with friends and be done. I don't drink all day, I don't black out, I don't vomit, but when I drink, I can't just have one or two. I'm a beer drinker and my nights usually consist of 6-8 beers. I'm a lot better than I was 3 years ago, though. I used to drink almost an 18 pack/day.
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Canada
Posts: 184
The anger might be stemming from a sense of injustice: "it's not fair!" that some people can drink "normally" and others can't. It's not fair. But, if you were allergic to something other than alcohol - something you really, really liked - would that feel equally unfair?
Whatever the cause, I'm with you on the anger: alcohol IS prevalent, and seems even more so when trying to avoid it. However, I'm slowly realizing that there are very few people who actually notice, much less care, what I have in my glass. And I suspect that those who do feel a bit sheepish about how many times they plan to refill their own glass. If anyone pressures me to drink (or do anything, for that matter) that I'm not comfortable with, I don't want to spend time with them. Period.
Whatever the cause, I'm with you on the anger: alcohol IS prevalent, and seems even more so when trying to avoid it. However, I'm slowly realizing that there are very few people who actually notice, much less care, what I have in my glass. And I suspect that those who do feel a bit sheepish about how many times they plan to refill their own glass. If anyone pressures me to drink (or do anything, for that matter) that I'm not comfortable with, I don't want to spend time with them. Period.
Crazy Cat Lady
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 2,661
i think people say "i need a drink" when they want a drink. if something came up and they couldn't have their drink that night, i think a lot of those people would be ok. i wouldn't have. also, i try not to worry about other people. unless it's a friend or family member of mine and i'm seeing that their life is being effected negatively by their drinking, i just stay out of it. i have neither the right nor the desire to judge. i have to concentrate on myself. worrying about other people drinking or comparing my desire to drink to other people's desire gets me nowhere. let the people drink. until it becomes a negative influence on you or a danger to you and/or others let it go. focusing on it takes your focus off your sobriety and your sobriety should be your priority.
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 141
The book I'm currently reading "Under the Influence: The Myths and Realities of Alcoholism" (mentioned on the board previously) actually gives a good comparison between what happens in an alcoholics body vs a non-alcoholic.
Most people say alcohol is a depressant and while that is true to some extent, in small doses, it's considered a stimulant. Alcohol is considered a food and part of calorie intake (energy). Once it reaches a certain level or process in the body is when it switches over to the depressant side.
(I'm paraphrasing here because I don't have the book in front of me)
Also as a side note, sometimes I feel like some alcoholics are looking for an out or loophole to exclude themselves from alcoholism, BUT I also feel there are many alcoholics that like to point to everyone that drinks and say that those people have a drinking problem too or will eventually become alcoholic because it's a progressive disease. I don't believe everyone has a drinking problem. I do believe people are capable of having ONE or TWO drinks to relax and that doesn't make them an alcoholic nor will they ever end up an alcoholic. There are also drinkers that use the excuse of stress to cover a problem as well. I do think there are "NORMAL" drinkers that can process alcohol normally - the problem is at the beginning years of drinking, there is no way to tell for sure if you will end up an alcoholic or not -- that's why it's a progressive disease.
The book is definitely worth the read because I always questioned what differentiates between a normal drinker and an alcoholic and I think it helps understand the process & progression better.
Most people say alcohol is a depressant and while that is true to some extent, in small doses, it's considered a stimulant. Alcohol is considered a food and part of calorie intake (energy). Once it reaches a certain level or process in the body is when it switches over to the depressant side.
(I'm paraphrasing here because I don't have the book in front of me)
Also as a side note, sometimes I feel like some alcoholics are looking for an out or loophole to exclude themselves from alcoholism, BUT I also feel there are many alcoholics that like to point to everyone that drinks and say that those people have a drinking problem too or will eventually become alcoholic because it's a progressive disease. I don't believe everyone has a drinking problem. I do believe people are capable of having ONE or TWO drinks to relax and that doesn't make them an alcoholic nor will they ever end up an alcoholic. There are also drinkers that use the excuse of stress to cover a problem as well. I do think there are "NORMAL" drinkers that can process alcohol normally - the problem is at the beginning years of drinking, there is no way to tell for sure if you will end up an alcoholic or not -- that's why it's a progressive disease.
The book is definitely worth the read because I always questioned what differentiates between a normal drinker and an alcoholic and I think it helps understand the process & progression better.
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