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Old 08-27-2012, 03:45 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Cutting of ties with a bad group of friends?




I am new to the forum, and came across this forum when googling my question. I am 20 years old and I am not an alcoholic but a binge drinker. I will drink on Friday or Saturday. Sometimes Friday and Saturday and consume large amounts of alcohol with my group of friends.
I am currently out of work and have been for six months. I am finding it hard to gather a routine and have found myself becoming very bored and boring. I will normally go round a friends house at the weekend and drink a lot just due to the fact there is nothing to do and drinking provides some form of entertainment.
I want to turn my life around and stop binge drinking and only drink very little on special occasions. I want to also start eating healthy and to have a good job and hobbies and for my life not to revolve around getting drunk on the weekend. I have found my hangovers have been becoming unbearable and I will vomit the next day causing friction with my family as they have had to pick me up from friends houses when I have been ill the next day after drinking.
I am finding it hard to do this due to the group of friends I drink with which consist of my good friend, her boyfriend, her boyfriend's brother and his friend. They drink a lot and would most likely be considered alcoholics. They drink daily and will wake up and drink. They also smoke cannabis daily and on drinking sessions will have quite a bit of cocaine which I will sometimes participate in when I am drunk. Whenever I tell them I am not going to get drunk or do any drugs with them they seem to laugh and doubt me and then talk me into doing it. I then regret my actions and cringe the next day to the point where I am so paranoid about what I have said and done. In the past when I have been drinking I have acted fairly promisicious and really regreted it as it is just not who I am. My friends boyfriend is abusive verbally to my friend and it is quite uncomfortable to be around them at times, and I think I drink quite fast due to trying to put up with it. I don't do anything with them that doesn't involved drinking, so I think my best option is to cut them off. But I have no idea how, where to start and if I will be able to. My will power is not strong and I always seem to start something without seeing it through.
I would really like to have a go at giving up drinking as I am tired of drink changing the person I am, making me act promisicous and ruining my jobs. I just don't know where to start and how to cut ties with my group of friends. Any help would be really appreciated.

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Old 08-27-2012, 04:55 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Just don't go to see them and don't let them goad you into drinking with them. It sounds like you know what the right thing to do is. Maybe think about doing some volunteer work or something to fill your time and improve your job prospects. Plus you'll make new friends too

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Old 08-27-2012, 05:12 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Welcome Cateyt

I was in a similar situation for many years - eventually I realised if I wanted change in my life I needed to make changes

You will find other things to do with your weekend time, and you will make new friends..like Hypo suggested I found volunteer work very rewarding...it felt good to have accomplished something on my weekend rather than just get blathered again.

If volunteerings not for you you can always get into hobbies or any interests you might have - that's a great way to meet new people too

I would consider very strongly leaving your current group behind tho - they don't sound like they're adding anything positive much to your life Cate.

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Old 08-27-2012, 05:23 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Thank you for the responses! I am looking to maybe start applying for an internship and do some volunteering work so hopefully that will fill my time and be a good distraction.
I think I am going to take it a step at a time leaving them. By stopping going out with them, its just going to be difficult to explain why!
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Old 08-27-2012, 05:32 PM   #5 (permalink)
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I could have written this post, I understand exactly where you are coming from.

In my own journey I have learned that this is only about ME, not my friends or family etc... I have to decide that I want to have a better life and stick to it, with firm resolve, no matter what other people say or do. Part of that involves not putting myself in situations where I feel tempted to drink/do drugs or frustrated that everyone else is and I "can't." I am trying to build a new life for myself, full of positive friends that lift me up rather than drag me down, and full of new interests and pursuits that don't revolve around alcohol/partying.

If I were you I would just tell your friends "I need some me-time and a break from drinking and partying. I will not be attending any events or get-togethers that focus on alcohol or drugs. If you would like to get together for coffee, to go to the spa, to go to movie, etc. [fill in the blank with some things you like to do or would like to do that don't involve drinking], I would be happy to do that. Otherwise I will not be able to make it." (You could even tell them not to invite you, so you won't have that temptation).

I know it is hard to feel "left out" but you have to do what you have to do to move forward with the life you want. Best wishes with your goals.
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Old 08-27-2012, 05:37 PM   #6 (permalink)
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You don't owe them an explanation. Besides you could just tell them you're too busy to hang out because of your new internship

I had to stop hanging out with practically all of my friends to give myself the time and space to recover from my drinking problem. I just became a bit evasive and eventually they stopped pestering me. Now I see people on my terms. If I don't want to go to a club I suggest coffee instead. You don't have to do anything you don't want to do x
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Old 08-27-2012, 05:52 PM   #7 (permalink)
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I agree that it sounds like it's time to step away from those friends and work on your recovery. Focus on stopping drinking and make yourself a priority.
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Old 08-27-2012, 05:52 PM   #8 (permalink)
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I think I will just say to them that I won't be drinking or doing drugs, so I won't be out for a while. Luckily my best friend has recently decided that she doesn't want to drink anymore as she used to have quite bad drinking problems so I will have someone to do things with that don't involve alcohol.
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Old 08-27-2012, 06:09 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cateyt View Post
I think I will just say to them that I won't be drinking or doing drugs, so I won't be out for a while. Luckily my best friend has recently decided that she doesn't want to drink anymore as she used to have quite bad drinking problems so I will have someone to do things with that don't involve alcohol.
This is a great idea and a great way to handle it. I'm glad you have a best friend who is supporting you -- but remember to do this for you and no one else, no matter what the best friend, these other friends or anyone else says or does. Best wishes.
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Old 08-27-2012, 06:58 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Welcome to SR!

At 20, it's time to build a real life for yourself! find some hobbies and get busy living!
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Old 08-27-2012, 11:31 PM   #11 (permalink)
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"No" is a complete sentence.
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Old 08-28-2012, 04:06 AM   #12 (permalink)
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This is a great idea and a great way to handle it. I'm glad you have a best friend who is supporting you -- but remember to do this for you and no one else, no matter what the best friend, these other friends or anyone else says or does. Best wishes.
Thank you for your advice it is much appreciated! I am definately doing it for me. Drink doesn't do anything for me anymore it's just making me ill the next day and sitting there worrying about what I have said or done the next before. I hope that when I am bored I can find the will power to say no to going out and just to stay in. Fingers crossed!
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