AquaObsession

My boyfriend does not drink. In the past, I asked him why he does not drink and be avoided answering. It's an issue because I want to have him to drink with for fun; I have no alcohol problems. And I knew from stories, pictures and his friends that he drank heavily in college, from which he graduated only one months ago. I couldn't understand why he would not explain his sudden distaste. Finally, he told me the other night that he has not had much to drink since his sophomore year, when he was forced to stop because his life fell apart and his family stopped talking to him, all because for the first year and a half of college he drank heavily almost every day, stole thousands of dollars from his parents to go drinking in downtown Miami over and over, lied to his parents and sisters with whom he lived daily about everything to hide the drinking, skipped almost all his classes because of hangovers, and ended up with a 1.1 GPA. Finally his family looked at his school records and bank statements, and the truth came out. They yelled, cursed, and then refused to speak with him for months. So he decided not to drink again, and since then has had a max of like three in one sitting. Any time he drinks now, he said, he's full of feelings of shame and guilt and so he stops. But now he wants to start drinking again. He says it's not healthy to have that association of a terrible time in his life with drinking. But it worries me. I'm afraid if he starts drinking again and gets rid of those feelings it could turn out that alcohol turns him into that person, and he lucked out since everything went bad so fast for him before. Do you all think he could be an alcoholic who lucked out since he quit so quickly? Or is he a regular guy in regard to alcohol who lost it, grew up and now it would be fine for him to drink? I don't want to tell him not to try drinking again. I dont want to tell him what to do. But I don't want him to do something that could really hurt him, either.

Kza

For the love of God there is no such thing as a lucky alcoholic. Sounds like he should never drink again.

candi7

Only he knows if he's an alcoholic, he obviously wants to stay away from it. But Alcoholism is a progressive disease, if he starts with one drink-it sets up the same craving-he will pick up drinking like he did the last time-and in drinking that large of a volume after being dry for so long could result in alcohol poisoning and death! Do you really want that for him-and If he reacted to you like that-WHY would you want him to drink in the first place.. not trying to be mean-but sounds a little selfish on your part...

AquaObsession

Oh no, I'm not being selfish. Nothing is more important than him being healthy and happy. I don't want him to drink anymore, after hearing that. I didn't know this story when I asked him to drink with me. I thought he enjoyed drinking, just not with me, and could not understand it. When he finally told this story to me, he in the same breath said he wanted to start drinking again, because of my request in the past. I immediately told him that from my perspective that's a terrible idea in light of his past, but he insists it's not like that. I'm here to see if it probably is like that, actually. Thank you for your reply. I think you mean it is like that--that he should stay away from it because of how it affected him before.

Anna

I have to agree, Why would you want him to him to start drinking again, when drinking clearly caused a lot of problems in his life? It's up to him to decide if he's an alcoholic or not, and if he is, there is no safe amount for him to drink.

AllArise

If I understand your post correctly, it's that you initially wanted him to drink with you for fun, but after the truth came out, you want him to do whatever is best for him. That's respectable of you, but if you can truly see how much alcohol destroyed his life in the past, I think it's no secret that he shouldn't drink again. I understand you not wanting to tell him what to do, but he is your boyfriend and you're obviously thinking of him first. It doesn't have to be a lecture, just tell him you're worried because of what he has told you, and you personally don't think he should start drinking again. As you said, he has feelings of guilt and shame even now when he drinks. The reason a person would continue drinking after having these feelings is because of alcoholism. Most people on this website (myself included) would understand that!
I hope everything works out for you.

DayTrader

Kza...... I'm a lucky alcoholic! Lucky to be one...... (but that's another discussion).

Aqua - sounds to me like you're tempting fate. I can't possibly say or know if he's an alcoholic or not but it sounds like he's doing pretty well now so why encourage him to mess with the fire, yanno?

If he were my friend, I'd probably encourage him to keep on doing what he's doing and that the way to deal with those old feelings of guild and shame that center around drinking is to deal with the guilt and shame in a sober state.......not to try to power through them by drinking through them.

candi7

Well good! Alcohol is nothing to play around with-at least for those of us that are alcoholic.

doggonecarl

You have no control over what your boyfriend does in regards to drinking, or not drinking for that matter.

If he wants to drink, he will. It sounds to me like he wants to. Almost everyone on this forum with an addiction to alcohol or drugs was convinced at one point or another that they could control their consumption.

This makes your boyfriend no different than any other alcoholic here. He has to learn his lesson the hard way.

You can only control what you do. So, what are you going to do if you bf takes that plunge and starts drinking and it gets out of hand?

2granddaughters

If he starts again... leave.

All the best.

Bob R

AquaObsession

So it sounds like te bottom line is ... Tell him my fears and that he could potentially be endangering himself, but other than that I've got to wait and see and hope? And then worry about my own actions if something bad does happen?

While I wish I had more control, I appreciate y'all answering a stranger like me. I thank you all very much.

Here's hoping I don't have to ask y'all anything else about him in the future.

Dee74

Hi and welcome AquaObsession

I think all you can do is express your fears and reassure your partner that you actually don't want him to drink now you know the full story.

I hope you're worrying over nothing too

D

hypochondriac

Has your boyfriend ever gotten any help with his drinking before Aqua? It sounds to me (and I could be entirely wrong) that he quit drinking heavily a very short time ago because of pretty severe negative consequences. I think a lot of us here might have done that in the past, had a situation which scared us and scaled it back or quit completely for a bit. But then went back to drinking when we thought we were 'okay' again. If he hasn't addressed any of the issues why he over drank and did the stuff he did then it might not be such a great idea to just go back to drinking. Maybe you could be a positive sober influence on him now you know the situation, don't encourage him to drink and support him if he needs help. Maybe seeing a counsellor would be good for him. Or encourage him to post here x