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Old 08-27-2012, 05:57 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Trying again


Hello everyone. I am a 32 year old mother of 3 boys and a stay at home mom. I have struggled with alcoholism most of my adult life, although I used to just think I was having fun. Over the past year I have tried to quit several times, after realizing that it wasn't fun anymore. This time last year I quit for 3 weeks, but then I thought I would just have a few drinks one saturday night, and well I didnt quit again until May. I went to the doctor one day in May because my bloodpressure was ridiculously high. I had labs done and found out I had a high liver enzyme count and was told to cease all alcohol use and go back for hepatitis tests. Well, I quit drinking alright, for six weeks this time. I felt great, I was working out and eating right, I was able to keep up with my household obligations, and was genuinely happy. I never did have the hep test, I couldn't afford it, but i felt so healthy I didnt think anything could be wrong. my BP was back to normal, and i had lost 25 lbs. Until one night, I just wanted to have some fun... Well that one night turned into a 2 month bender, and that has brought me here. I regained the symptoms I had before, and my household has fallen appart. things arent getting done, and I can't keep up with my family. I have come to realize I am not a person that can just cut loose one night, and I dont want this life anymore, so yesterdday after waking up with a horrible hangover, I decided this time I might need some support. So there is my back story, sorry its long and full of run ons, I haven't slept and when I do I get the awful night sweats.. YUCK. I got through the withdrawls before, and hopefully, I will do it again, this time for the last time!
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Old 08-27-2012, 06:06 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Welcome to SR....Give this a quick read....It hit home for me when I was ready to give it up.

Chapter 3


MORE ABOUT ALCOHOLISM


Most of us have been unwilling to admit we were real alcoholics. No person likes to think he is bodily and mentally different from his fellows. Therefore, it is not surprising that our drinking careers have been characterized by countless vain attempts to prove we could drink like other people. The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death.

We learned that we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholics. This is the first step in recovery. The delusion that we are like other people, or presently may be, has to be smashed.


When they say that idea has to smashed....That means it can't exist...It's not possible for us...It's insanity to think so. I watched alcohol destroy my life....I hope you do something before it comes to that.
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Old 08-27-2012, 06:07 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Thanks for sharing your story. I think you will find lots of people here that understand and can relate. You are not alone. Please keep reading and posting.
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Old 08-27-2012, 06:09 AM   #4 (permalink)
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In my experience,
I have tried so many times until my mind get matured.I suggest to spend a lots of time here and you will fall in posting addiction and you gradually stop thinking Alcohol.
Abrahan Linclon would not have a president if he dropped the idea of keeping him as a candidate for each and every elections ?
So you can do...
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Old 08-27-2012, 07:55 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Thanks for all the replies. I think deep down I always knew that I couldn't drink. I am just admitting it to myself now. Its hard, I am happy to have found somewhere to come for support. My husband is a drinker, although not as bad as me. It makes it hard to not want to drink when he does. I've quit before, and I am determined to be done with that chapter of my life. I wanna be healthy and happy.
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Old 08-27-2012, 07:58 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ready4change12 View Post
I think deep down I always knew that I couldn't drink. I am just admitting it to myself now. Its hard, I am happy to have found somewhere to come for support.
That was the same for me....I knew for years that I should stop...But denial was my friend. It was a real relief for me to finally admit it honestly to myself...It got easier to fix it after that....I'm glad you are here.
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Old 08-28-2012, 07:20 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Well, I made it through night # 2. I Still didnt sleep, I managed to doze off for about 45 minutes, but thats it. I ended up watching "Intervention" all night and crying along with the folks on the show. Pathetic, I know, but I think it actually helped me. I think I needed to cry. Still have the nightsweats, haven't slept long enough to get nightmares. i also spent a lot of time on these boards yesterday reading success stories, and it made me realize how great it was when I have been successful. I know I want that again. I am so glad to have found these boards. My family is supportive, but there are things I just can't tell them. Maybe they know how bad it is, but I could never talk details with them. I would be too embarrassed. I will write more later, but I am just so tired right now, I got my kids to school, and now I feel like I should take a nap. I will be glad when today is over, if I remember correctly, the worst part will hopefully be over by then.
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Old 08-28-2012, 07:47 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Hi ready4change. I'm a SAHM of three too (but I do have one girl). Congrats on day 1 and good luck with day 2. I hope you get that nap today. Check out the August class thread. There are a lot of good people over there and it has helped me out a lot this month.
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Old 08-28-2012, 08:01 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Hi readyforchange -

yep, you are right, this CAN be the absolute last time you have to go through the withdrawals.

I agree with others that you will find a LOT of support here and hope you share your experience as other share theirs.

I think the recommendation to join the August class is a good one.

See you on the boards!
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Old 08-28-2012, 08:11 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Welcome to SR good for you for deciding to stop and for getting through the first 2 days. Things will get easier soon - you know the benefits that await you, you just have to get through these tough few days. It's worth it. I hope you find the support and understanding that I have here. Wishing you all the best on your sober journey x
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Old 08-28-2012, 09:27 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Similar boat to you ready4 , last week was a blur and for now I have a job. While my wife ( and kids) moved 3000 miles away for other stated reasons , clearly my problems with alcohol were an unstated large part.

There was a lot of dysfunction on each side but when the reality of an empty house needing major clean up hit I went the wrong way big time.

I am grateful my wife and I are on good terms and we both adore our kids. I also grateful my boss is working with me to get me help.

I have fought this insidious thing for a long time but I can see now I never fully was honest and at the point where the lies and self delusion was smashed. Repeated relapse for over tens years.

While for now my blood work on liver is okay I still had an ultrasound for what looks like a hernia condition but my GP threw in the liver scan too. I have been with my GP a long time and have probably been most honest with her. I await the results and I am worried.

That first drink is the killer for sure. Whether on that session or soon thereafter we are back to the same pattern and when it stops who can tell. I am powerless over it and can not deny that , the facts speak for themselves. I have the empties of the 10 day rampage that ended last week as clear evidence and shall take a picture of it and put it up just as one reminder that one is never one its a pile of vodka bottles , wine bottles , beer and you name it.

I am on day 5 and this was a bad withdrawal. I abused meds before so my GP is not inclined to let me back in on those. It does get better each day and this can be the last withdrawal ever. My life has been unmanageable for a long time. Living a dual life of alcoholic and somebody else.

Time for me to get honest
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Old 08-28-2012, 12:23 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Welcome ready4change -

I'm really glad you found this forum, too. Family support is great, but no one understands us like another alcoholic.

Go easy on yourself right now and get plenty of vitamins (especially B Complex). Things will get better and you'll be so glad you did this!
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Old 08-28-2012, 12:31 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Welcome to SR!
The night-sweats go fairly quickly. I used to get them all the time and now they are gone. Waking in the middle of the night dehydrated - gone too.
No more remorse, guilt or blackouts.
Be gentle with yourself. And just stay strong - you can do this, and we will all be here to talk to you and to support you.
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Old 08-28-2012, 05:05 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Thanks again for all the support and advice! Today did consist of a lot of rest. I also have been taking a b complex vitamin, Milk Thistle, and I restarted taking my prozac today. I have been on it forever, but when I started drinking heavily, I quit taking it. It stays right on my nightstand, but I would roll over in the morning and look at it, and think to myself "I don't deserve to be happy." then I just wouldn't take it, but I put that past me today, and decided anyone who is going to stay up all night watching "Intervention" and crying could probably use a little Prozac. I am feeling better, my blood pressure was down today. I do not have much of an appetite, so when I think about it, I try to eat something. I am having some really horrible cramps in random areas of my body, mostly in the upper torso area when I twist or move suddenly. I think i am probably needing some potassium. I am pushing as much water down my throat as possible and it is getting easier. I am hoping to have a normal night of sleep tonight, although I slept a lot today, I am still very tired.
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Old 08-28-2012, 05:43 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Just get sleep when you can....You made it to six weeks...You know what the early days are like...Not fun....Just do your best not to have to do this again. It gets better every day you don't pick up.
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Old 08-28-2012, 05:52 PM   #16 (permalink)
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I pray for the best for you.
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Old 08-28-2012, 05:56 PM   #17 (permalink)
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It's so hard to find a balance. Is there really any such thing? Or do we all go out with the intention to "have a few" and end up on a bender?? Especially when surrounded by the drinking crowd. Aren't we all there to get drunk together?
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Old 08-28-2012, 06:04 PM   #18 (permalink)
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There is no balance when it comes to drinking for this alcoholic....I can't have one beer...It's not possible for me to drink safely....For me to drink is to die. That's as simple as I can make it for myself.
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Old 08-28-2012, 06:10 PM   #19 (permalink)
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Welcome to SR, Ready!

I am so glad you found us and decided to post.

Good for you for getting through two nights. I hope you start feeling better soon. It sounds like you're ready to move forward. I think it's great that you are back taking your Prozac. I had to get started on antidepressants in order to be able to recover. They've never made me 'happy' but level the playing field for me. If your dr has prescribed the medication, then I'm glad you're taking it.

There is lots of support here, so keep reading and posting.
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Old 08-29-2012, 08:00 AM   #20 (permalink)
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I made it! Today is day 4, and the worst part is over! No night sweats last night, and I actually got some sleep. I don't seem as shaky and my mood feels great today! I think I can now move on and start adding positive things to my life. When I was drinking, I felt like an empty vessel. All I wanted to do was lay in bed and wait for 5 o'clock to roll around. my house was messy, and I didn't feel like a great wife or mother. The last few days I feel like I am slowly regaining more and more control over my life, my household, and my marriage. I realize I have a long way to go, but it really is amazing how much difference a few days makes.
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