bounced

Hi everyone

I am on day 85 today which is the longest without any alcohol for the last 13 years (woooohooo!)

However, I am really fearful of my 90 day milestone on Monday. I really don't have a decent plan in place beyond my current target which has been 90 days right from the day I quit. During the last week things have been getting progressively more tricky and I think it is because I am approaching the target and getting anxious about what happens after I "succeed".

I really don't know if simply extending the target to 100 days or 4 months or even 6 months will quite cut it. I guess I might be dealing with the "never" barrier without really wanting to confront it (and I feel like time is running out with only 5 more days to get something in place)

Any advice would be very appreciated.

Thanks everyone
bounced

Zee

What about doing 90 days again? Compare the first 90 days to the second. I only had one option... to stop. (Liver) I can definately feel for you guys who's bottom didn't involve iminent death! Still, I have a year tomorrow and still going strong... good luck to you x

mecanix

I just get through each day, the weeks and months look after themselves .

I start off thankfull every morning when i wake up and i don't have a hangover and it's with comfort and joy when i go to bed because i made it through another day having done my best and stayed sober .

Bestwishes, M

doggonecarl

Milestones can be tough. I know that it became clear to me between the 90 and 180 day mark that "never" was the best course, and as it turns out, the easiest. I didn't have to carry around that one-day-I-might-be-able-to-drink lie.

You came here after a relapse. You know what will happen if you drink after ninety days sober, or ever again for that matter. Is never drinking that hard to accept?

blueshades

bounced, Take an inventory of all of the things that have been different for the past 90 days. What are you able to do now that you couldn't do when you were drinking? What about your sleep, your mental state - - are you less depressed now than before? Do you have less anxiety?

I hope you'll find that most aspects of your life are better since you stopped drinking. Find something that's important to you, something that you want to hold onto, that will be impacted by your decision to drink again.

If you put all of the positives from not drinking on a ledger sheet and the negatives on the other side of that sheet, I suspect you'll find that one side is a lot longer! Focus on that side of the balance sheet and resolve not to let the good in your life go.

Every day of sobriety is as important as the one before. I wish you luck, my friend.

Sapling

I've seen so many people stop for a length of time and go back to drinking...And not once have I heard someone say it was better this time...Not once. When I stopped...I stopped for good...I let other people do my research for me...Still waiting for someone to say it was better this time. I wish you the best on your decision.

candi7

Don't project even into your 90 day yet, lets finish up today-live in today and the moment. We can't control tomorrow, we can only control now.. so this allows for no stress.. Just plan to try to make a meeting.. so you can pick up that chip for sure! You are doing amazingly so don't give up now..

bounced

Thanks to everyone.

It is such a support to be able to come here and talk openly to people who understand. Sometimes when I am going through a tough patch I just read other threads and it never fails to make me realise that there are so many brave people out there who have a lot more reason to drink than I do and they are making such a strong show of sobriety.

The support here is immense and I would like to express my gratitude, not just for spending time helping me but for all the effort that goes into making this such a worthwhile place to want to visit.

I am definitely committed to this. I am much happier now than I have been for a really long time and also positive about the future too. I don't even have much of a problem with the "never" issue anymore and, as you say doggonecarl, it is an easier option in the longer run. But I haven't quite yet come around to recognising myself as a "non drinker" because it has been a safe hiding place for a really long time.

This could be a real idea here, Zee. It would kind of keep me in the "junior" club for a bit longer without me having to take on "big school" responsibility of 6 months and beyond just yet.

Thanks to everyone for their thoughts and advice.

Dovie0212

Hi Bounced~

When I future trip that gets me in trouble ALL of the time. We only have today. Sometimes seconds, sometimes minutes, just focus on today!!!!

Good Luck!!!!

ACT10Npack

It's one of the bad things about counting your days. Try not to make a big deal out of it. General after the 90 mark comes it's a lot easier to stay sober. If you feel good now that your not drunk or high then you should think of that. Whatever your doing is working so keep doing what you do.

hypochondriac

It really helped me to see sobriety as a process rather than an event. I had to stop waiting for things to happen to let go of the anxiety that comes with counting days.

Have you got any other support in place bounced? To be honest, after the 3 month mark I found I had to step that up a bit, so I started seeing a support worker and started working on some CBT type worksheets which I've found really useful. I'm sure if you get the right support you will feel less anxious about this, it's just a matter of finding what will work for you. I couldn't do the one day at a time thing so the AVRT route was really useful for figuring that one out for me. Good luck with whatever you try x

Dee74

Hi bounced

try not to worry - day 91 is pretty much like day 89 - it's the expectations we put on things that are the problem.

If you're still struggling with the never thing - maybe a little more support couldn't hurt, or a little more something to add to what you've been doing anyway?

D

Happier

Lots of good advice on here so I won't try to add to it. I can share a similar experience though. A while back, I had an very similar post expressing a concern about my upcoming 3 month point. Sorry to say that I did indeed blow it soon thereafter. Obvioulsy led to more unhealthy decisions and sadness for me and my family (it always will!). I am thankful that I was able to eventually get back on track and am again enjoying and appreciating being sober. We don't always get second or third chances though so I really support your idea of making a plan.

Congratulations on 3 months! I am glad you are planning on many more.

Hevyn

Hi bounced! Glad you are thinking about this & discussing it. I love that about SR, too.

For me, any time I put some sober time together & then started up again - it was horrific. The alcohol went right to my head and I had no control at all. I did even dumber & scarier things, it was almost impossible to reel myself back in and stop again. The last time I quit, I knew better than to ever chance it again. That's just me, though. I know you'll find your own way and do the right thing for you. Congratulations on reaching 90 days!

CaiHong

Hi Bounced
how has the last 90 days been without drinking compared to the drinking days?

Love
CaiHong

bounced

Well it has been fantastic on the one hand, I feel great and really proud. I am getting so much more done and looking forward to things in the future rather than wishing my life away so that my whole miserable attitude to everything could finally be over and I could get some peace.

BUT recently I have been resorting to some "automatic thinking". My CBT councellor refers to them as "core beliefs" and they are to do with "not being worthy" and "no one liking me". When I do my CBT rationalisation, these thought patterns are clearly unfounded. It is just that I have been so used to using alcohol as a way to handle this side of things and now I am now finding myself without my normal safe haven (and it can be quite unsettling at times).

But this is work in progress and sometimes I just need to get through till tomorrow (just like I was back on day one again).

Thanks for your support, CaiHong. I don't think I am going back to the bad lands.