bexxed

Rough week at work. I started drinking Friday at about 3 PM. It doesn't get way out of hand with me (does it? denial?) for the most part- drank a couple beers, then pulled out the bottle of wine at about 6 PM. I drank that, then remember thinking it would be a good idea to drive out and get some dinner at 9, where I drank water and another glass of wine. When I got to my car, I was feeling kind of crappy from French Onion Soup and a bottle plus of Pinot Noir, so the "why did I do this again" thoughts started in. For, oh, the 2 thousandth time in my life. Almost stopped at Walgreens to get another bottle on the way home, but I was actually starting to be tired, so somehow I just went home and went to bed. Woke up with a standard hangover, nothing outrageous, but like I said things are really stressful right now and I've been having a little tiny nervous breakdown about it. I didn't get out of bed. No booze, not even any coffee til noon. I really have to pull myself together.

I'm unhappy, and I drink, and I drink, and I'm unhappy. I gained 15 pounds in the last year, I'm still single, my health is deteriorating, my temper's coming out, I'm not cleaning my place- I have all the symptoms of depression and I know what's causing it. The only thing I'm doing well is work and I need that but it's very stressful right now and I'm working insane hours. When I'm not working I am literally numbing myself with wine. Or beer. Again.

I made myself make a list. Get up. Take a shower. Read your mail. Go to the gym. Juice some grapefruits. Call a friend. Go pick up some wine (don't pick up some wine. No- you can after the gym. don't do it. Well, after then you'll want to. you'll be pissed that you did in 24 hours. Whatever, that's crazy, you'll want it- pick it up What else would you do? just-don't!) I never left the house. I barely got out of bed. And I realized that I was so pissed at myself, my boss, my life in general, wine, the fact that I am clearly depressed right now, I didn't buy the wine. (Whatever, there's always Walgreens.)

When I went to Netflix, there was a movie recommendation for one I'd never seen before but vaguely remember seeing previews for years and years ago. 28 Days. I clicked it, I like Sandra Bullock. Wow. I did not buy the wine, needless to say. When I woke up this morning, I felt pretty good. Got a little anxious today- the world seemed strangely hyper-in focus. Bought some Perrier. Today my plan is to come here. Tomorrow my plan is to go to work. I don't want to drink tomorrow, either.

We have to be careful, it can come out of nowhere. I know how suddenly I could find myself with a beer in my hand. I'm not going to say that I've got this. But I have it right now. Thanks, y'all. I stalked this site quite a bit today. It's very helpful, as it was last year.

Namaste.

Sapling

Welome back bexxed....I think when you are ready to say you've had enough...You should look into some kind of recovery plan...If you've been reading here over the past year...I'm sure you know what they are....Give it all you got and change your life....Because it will get worse....And that job may not always be there....I know the game.

Dee74

'getting out of hand' is very subjective I found...
have you ideas on what you could do differently bexxed?

D

bexxed

Yeah, that was my attempt at a joke, lol. Things are clearly out of hand if a 5'6" woman drinks a bottle of wine and two beers starting at 3 PM by herself, I'd think.

Dee74

I got the joke
I was drinking all day every day and 'was not that bad really...'

D

Veggiejojo

Hi bexxed, I'm only on day three and in no position to offer anyone else advice, I just wanted to say congrats on the turnaround - you are inspirational, x

ps - I am a 5'2" women and I had no problem putting away that amount of drink - you are not alone, x

Grace2

Morning Veggiejojo

I'm glad you've come back.

I'm fairly new too, day 9 ( for the 2nd time). I can relate to everything you've said. Oh and I'm not even 5ft 1 and could put away that amount too! Easily!

'Could', as in the past tense. No more, I am going to turn my life around and you can too.

Big hugs

Gxx

CarolD

Congratulations to all of our newly sober members...

It's my expereince that the longer I stay sober...the easier it
is to enjoy a sober lifestyle without alcohol...

All my best as you move into a better future