Day 90 - The journey has just begun!
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: mo
Posts: 183
Day 90 - The journey has just begun!
Today was Day 90 for me. Yay! I woke up with a great sense of accomplishment, and a great sense of gratitude. It was a long, pained journey to reach this point, though I think the years of drinking (drunking? 
was the worst of it, in my opinion.
For all those starting out, deciding what to do, feeling sick and tired, here is a condensed version of the first 90 days for me:
Day 1: I was anxious, but hopefully. My last day of drinking followed about 10 years a regular daily drinking to varying degrees. There were lowlights, but it's important for me to recognize what I did do, which was start a good career, build loving relationships, and experience many things. I think it's important to remember that while drinking, I did many regretable things and didn't live life the way I wanted, but it wasn't a wash. Life has many layers, many memories, and it's worth improving. I also remember what I did miss out on, and that motivates me. But I didn't need to be stereotypical "bottomed out" or in sheer destruction to change. I just needed the desire to change.
I decided to quit after a fight with my boyfriend. I had attempted quitting before, but never stuck to it, assuming that I couldn't enjoy life without alcohol. Or, maybe I wasn't that bad. But I realized, in a strong moment, that it wasn't worth ruining what I had in my life, and maybe alcohol was holding me back. It was. I spent my first few days being very kind to myself. I slept a lot, ate well, read voraciously addiction memoirs, SR, and other articles and forums. I started taking 5-HTP supplements for anxiety, which I suffered heavily during drinking bouts.
Day 30: Once I had some momentum, this experiment quickly became conviction. I vowed I would never drink again. I began to practice how to live life. Crazy, I suddenly realized I didn't know how to live life very much, how to deal with stress, excitement, boredom, anxiousness.
So, I practiced. I thought out situations a lot. I avoided some situations, but others I sort of figured out game plans: how to dissipate stress feelings, how to be honest, how to open up when I needed to, how to face hard feelings. And practice, practice, practice. It wasn't always easy, and sometimes I wanted to drink, but I just kept thinking how disappointed I would be. And, I read SR every morning and every night to read support, hear others' experiences, and encourage others. The community of people here made me realize how common it is, and how I was among good, loving people.
Day 60: I am getting the hang of this! I don't use any formal sobriety program, but I do read and use SR frequently. I took a new job (probably not recommended), and continue to build more skills I need to live life. I started using a list app to help organize my scattered thoughts. I started exercising and eating better. I began mending some broken or suffering relationships with friends and family. Not because I hurt them with drinking, but isolated myself and became more self-absorbed in my drinking. I had to show that I was authentically interested in their lives and a person they could rely on. Practice, practice, practice. One action at a time.
Day 90: I start thinking about spirituality and God. I don't think as much about drinking as I used to, but much more about the kind of person I want to be, and the life I want to live. I have very honest moments with myself, about how I have hurt myself or avoided certain things when drinking, and what I can do about it. I improve my work and work behavior. I realize I'm becoming more forgiving, more empathic, losing some of the narcissism that I suffered with for years. I work on personal goals, but I also continue to think through challenges, like easing up on expectations for myself, but upping my output and actions.
It's not perfection. Yesterday was really hard. I was down, frustrated. Wishing I could drink. But I just did small things, small decisions, to work through it as best I could. It was temporary, today was a great day.
Thoughts and observations after 90 days:
Every day, people who murder other, cheat and steal from others, exploit the poor, suppress others' happiness and generally hurt others go to bed and get up not questioning their worthiness to live. That many, many alcoholics do this every day, question their worth in this life, breaks my heart.
I feel now that God is love, and love is God. And God living through me is love for myself, and love for others. We all are capable of love, and capable of being able to give love and life to others. I wish more people sought love through inclusion, rather than exclusion, rules, hate, ingroup, and fear.
I have values, and I can live them.
Everyone, even at their lowest, deserves love, dignity and understanding. Everyone, even at their best, needs honesty, humility, and gratitude.
Self-control is true freedom. (Someone's signature, can't check right now, but thanks!!)
Life is much more gray than black and white. It's a blessing to look beyond what you think is right to what else you might find. To use a quote, be kind to others, for everyone you see is going through a great struggle.
It's OK to always be practicing how to live life. Don't assume your neighbors know how to any better than you! Practice!
It's OK to bail on a situation that makes you uncomfortable. People are not thinking about you as much as you want to believe.
It's OK to want to spend more time with yourself when you get sober. You've been away from yourself for a long time. You might even miss or mourn that lost time.
If you have thoughts that maybe just one would be OK, just remember you wouldn't be having that inner conversation if it was. Also, in quick succession, think about 3 bad memories from drinking. Urge killer!
You are worth living a life full of love, uncertainty, and journey.
SR saves lives, and SR members give life.
Thanks to everyone for all your support and care. Let's keep encouraging others, and help them feel hope in themselves and love from others.
was the worst of it, in my opinion.For all those starting out, deciding what to do, feeling sick and tired, here is a condensed version of the first 90 days for me:
Day 1: I was anxious, but hopefully. My last day of drinking followed about 10 years a regular daily drinking to varying degrees. There were lowlights, but it's important for me to recognize what I did do, which was start a good career, build loving relationships, and experience many things. I think it's important to remember that while drinking, I did many regretable things and didn't live life the way I wanted, but it wasn't a wash. Life has many layers, many memories, and it's worth improving. I also remember what I did miss out on, and that motivates me. But I didn't need to be stereotypical "bottomed out" or in sheer destruction to change. I just needed the desire to change.
I decided to quit after a fight with my boyfriend. I had attempted quitting before, but never stuck to it, assuming that I couldn't enjoy life without alcohol. Or, maybe I wasn't that bad. But I realized, in a strong moment, that it wasn't worth ruining what I had in my life, and maybe alcohol was holding me back. It was. I spent my first few days being very kind to myself. I slept a lot, ate well, read voraciously addiction memoirs, SR, and other articles and forums. I started taking 5-HTP supplements for anxiety, which I suffered heavily during drinking bouts.
Day 30: Once I had some momentum, this experiment quickly became conviction. I vowed I would never drink again. I began to practice how to live life. Crazy, I suddenly realized I didn't know how to live life very much, how to deal with stress, excitement, boredom, anxiousness.
So, I practiced. I thought out situations a lot. I avoided some situations, but others I sort of figured out game plans: how to dissipate stress feelings, how to be honest, how to open up when I needed to, how to face hard feelings. And practice, practice, practice. It wasn't always easy, and sometimes I wanted to drink, but I just kept thinking how disappointed I would be. And, I read SR every morning and every night to read support, hear others' experiences, and encourage others. The community of people here made me realize how common it is, and how I was among good, loving people.Day 60: I am getting the hang of this! I don't use any formal sobriety program, but I do read and use SR frequently. I took a new job (probably not recommended), and continue to build more skills I need to live life. I started using a list app to help organize my scattered thoughts. I started exercising and eating better. I began mending some broken or suffering relationships with friends and family. Not because I hurt them with drinking, but isolated myself and became more self-absorbed in my drinking. I had to show that I was authentically interested in their lives and a person they could rely on. Practice, practice, practice. One action at a time.
Day 90: I start thinking about spirituality and God. I don't think as much about drinking as I used to, but much more about the kind of person I want to be, and the life I want to live. I have very honest moments with myself, about how I have hurt myself or avoided certain things when drinking, and what I can do about it. I improve my work and work behavior. I realize I'm becoming more forgiving, more empathic, losing some of the narcissism that I suffered with for years. I work on personal goals, but I also continue to think through challenges, like easing up on expectations for myself, but upping my output and actions.
It's not perfection. Yesterday was really hard. I was down, frustrated. Wishing I could drink. But I just did small things, small decisions, to work through it as best I could. It was temporary, today was a great day.
Thoughts and observations after 90 days:
Every day, people who murder other, cheat and steal from others, exploit the poor, suppress others' happiness and generally hurt others go to bed and get up not questioning their worthiness to live. That many, many alcoholics do this every day, question their worth in this life, breaks my heart.
I feel now that God is love, and love is God. And God living through me is love for myself, and love for others. We all are capable of love, and capable of being able to give love and life to others. I wish more people sought love through inclusion, rather than exclusion, rules, hate, ingroup, and fear.
I have values, and I can live them.
Everyone, even at their lowest, deserves love, dignity and understanding. Everyone, even at their best, needs honesty, humility, and gratitude.
Self-control is true freedom. (Someone's signature, can't check right now, but thanks!!)
Life is much more gray than black and white. It's a blessing to look beyond what you think is right to what else you might find. To use a quote, be kind to others, for everyone you see is going through a great struggle.
It's OK to always be practicing how to live life. Don't assume your neighbors know how to any better than you!
Practice!It's OK to bail on a situation that makes you uncomfortable. People are not thinking about you as much as you want to believe.
It's OK to want to spend more time with yourself when you get sober. You've been away from yourself for a long time. You might even miss or mourn that lost time.
If you have thoughts that maybe just one would be OK, just remember you wouldn't be having that inner conversation if it was. Also, in quick succession, think about 3 bad memories from drinking. Urge killer!
You are worth living a life full of love, uncertainty, and journey.
SR saves lives, and SR members give life.
Thanks to everyone for all your support and care. Let's keep encouraging others, and help them feel hope in themselves and love from others.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: mo
Posts: 183
Also, addiction is very common in our society. Drugs, alcohol, gambling, sex, food, success, zealousness...with varying degrees of physical dependence, obsession, and affect on the brain and behavior. I see it much more know that I know what it looks like, and it's hard to see and witness. But, I think the desire to avoid pain is very, very human. Soooo, just have to figure out a healthier way to do that. 
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Southeast US
Posts: 332
Way to go, Auden! So many impressive insights here. A couple of my favorites:
"I think it's important to remember that while drinking, I did many regretable things and didn't live life the way I wanted, but it wasn't a wash." I think it's important to hold on to this. We will not grow in our new sober lives very well if we cannot acknowledge that we have not done some good in the past. Most of us have tried to do the best we could but lost our way at some point. At any rate, we need to remember that we're not throwing off all of our life up to now. We can appreciate what we did well, and forgive ourselves for what we did not.
"Everyone, even at their lowest, deserves love, dignity and understanding. Everyone, even at their best, needs honesty, humility, and gratitude." I couldn't say it better! When you write that "I have values, and I can live them," I identify with this idea that everyone has inherent worth, even when they are at their lowest point.
"It's OK to always be practicing how to live life." I have shared many times on SR my belief that we must try something. When we are broken inside, when we don't know what to do next, we must try to do something to work our way out of it. As long as that something isn't drinking or substance abuse, then we're on a path to living a better life.
Thanks for sharing this and congrats again on 90 days of sobriety!
"I think it's important to remember that while drinking, I did many regretable things and didn't live life the way I wanted, but it wasn't a wash." I think it's important to hold on to this. We will not grow in our new sober lives very well if we cannot acknowledge that we have not done some good in the past. Most of us have tried to do the best we could but lost our way at some point. At any rate, we need to remember that we're not throwing off all of our life up to now. We can appreciate what we did well, and forgive ourselves for what we did not.
"Everyone, even at their lowest, deserves love, dignity and understanding. Everyone, even at their best, needs honesty, humility, and gratitude." I couldn't say it better! When you write that "I have values, and I can live them," I identify with this idea that everyone has inherent worth, even when they are at their lowest point.
"It's OK to always be practicing how to live life." I have shared many times on SR my belief that we must try something. When we are broken inside, when we don't know what to do next, we must try to do something to work our way out of it. As long as that something isn't drinking or substance abuse, then we're on a path to living a better life.
Thanks for sharing this and congrats again on 90 days of sobriety!
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