Change4good

My husband took my kids to a children's birthday last night. I stayed home. I had a beer, and then a glass of champagne and then, etc.

I had my first black out.

Apparently I did two loads of laundry, folded and put it away, cleaned out the pantry, vacuumed the house, wrote two thank you notes, dropped a gift off at a neighbor's, and showered and put clean linens on the beds.

I don't remember doing any of this.

My heart is racing, my pulse is elevated, and I am sweating. I had three mimosas with brunch. Just to even me out.

Goodness. I just felt the need to post this. My husband is doing the parenting. I am absent.

candi7

You probably need to get medical help with the early days of sobriety...

I was a weekend drinker, but I never did that good on a black out... my inhibitions were GONE... I was a bad girl! Thankfully those days are behind me...

Anna

Yes, it's true, you are absent. I did the same thing when I was drinking. I had blackouts. My body was present, but I wasn't there, and it's such a horrible feeling. You don't have to go through this again.

I hope this encourages you to stop drinking for good for yourself and your family.

2granddaughters

I remember the feeling... out of control.... running on auto-pilot.
Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde (becoming more Hyde all the time)

Now what's the next step? ....

All the best.

Bob R

Change4good

Thank you Anna. Yes, this is huge encouragement. When I kiss my kids, I feel pangs of guilt when I consider how I am compromising my health and my ability to take care of them when they get older. I am 41.

Pondlady

c4g,
Blackouts are scary You are young, with a full life ahead of you, and a family to raise. It doesn't sound like this is the way you want to live and it doesn't have to be. Take care of yourself and let us hear from you

ru12

Hi there!

I know that it might not seem like it presently, but life is just so much easier (and better too!) when you are sober. There are lots of ways to stay sober, but the first thing you have to do is to just stop drinking. If you are physically dependent, you may need to have medically supervised detox. Some people can taper down off alcohol, but seeing a doctor is probably a safer bet.

Do what you need to do to stay sober once you stop drinking. I used SMART and Rational Recovery's AVRT. Many others use AA. Some use a counselor and this website.

Congratulations on realizing that you have a problem and now do something about it.

sugarbear1

I hope you are doing okay now. Those 3 mimosas would have had me on an all day bender. Maybe suck it up and feel the pain, get sober again. It's all worth it. YOU are worth sobriety and your family needs you present.

I wish you well.

Love & hugs,

Live2Run25

So sorry to hear about this.. i'm glad you atleast did house work.. I would have gotten into all kinds of trouble in a black out. this is your wake up call. For you and your family. You can do this!!!

Change4good

Hi Folks,

Thanks for the posts. I am suffering some extreme anxiety right now, but hopefully sleep will help. I will check in in the morning.

EternalQ

Make a plan to get and stay sober. Because trust me, it does NOT get any easier. I quit at 49. I wonder if I'd quit at 41 how much better my life could be?

Dee74

I'm glad to see you back C4G...I'm glad too that you're ok.

Like others have said - it gets worse.

I really hope you decide to do something different, and concrete, for your recovery now.

D

NoFireWater

I remember black outs as being short periods where I might not remember a whole conversation,etc. I certainly never accomplished anything during them. That must have felt extremely scary to know you did all that and not remember a thing. If you can't stop for yourself, maybe make the goal to stop for your family. Your kids deserve two parents, and your husband deserves a functioning partner. You can do this!

Hevyn

Please do check in tomorrow, Change. We all care about you and know you can beat this thing. It'll feel so good to be in control again, and not have to wonder what you said or did. I'm glad nothing bad happened - it's scary to think you were doing all those things and not recording any of them. It never has to happen again.

karilynn27

I'm glad your posting, stay close.
I'm aproaching 8 months and life is soooo different. Took my daughter to chuck e cheeses today for her birthday. No chance I would have done that while drinking. I am watching my children bloom. No more guilt. I was absent and neglectful, I am not that woman anymore. So many things to enjoy.
Wishing you all the best.
You are a gift, don't ever forget that

Change4good

I am doing much better this morning. Had a protein smoothie for breakfast, ans slept 8 hours last night. I leave for vacation with my extended family on Friday. This week is dedicated to health and recovery.

Never going back. And I mean it.

melberholtz

I am familiar to the blackout scene. Can't say I was productive like you. I would say things I would never say sober and then not remember them. I would wake in the morning and think everything was fine, until my wife woke and filled me in about the night before. All I'm saying is, it happens. Take it for what it is (a definite sign that your drinking is progressing). It takes a lot of energy (mental, physical & emotional) to drink to blackout. Further, a tremendous amount of energy is expended the next day worrying about what we have done and stressing on it. Find a positive outlet to consume that energy. You should have a large array of hobbies to choose from. I know I did, since I put so many on hold to focus 100% on drinking.

Best of luck!

candi7

WOW, 8 hours is awesome! Good for you-you are doing wonderful-keep up the good work.

artsoul

Sounds great, change4good!

katan

I stopped drinking after my last blackout at a family dinner. Apparently I cooked, served, had conversations and "functioned" all evening. I have absolutely no idea what I said or did...the whole night is gone.