A question...
 

Hi All,

I'm wondering if anyone has any experience/stories about "milestone" events prompting them to quit for good. I'm turning 40 in a week and although I've been struggling with my AV and white-knuckling through the past several months my sane voice has been screaming that we will NOT face my 40's with this monkey on my back. I feel such relief already...knowing I will finally be free.

I'm just curious if anyone else had a "life event" that helped them, once and for all, to never drink again. Ever.

I hope this makes sense to someone...I'm not sure it even makes sense to me which is why I'm posting it here. Something deep inside me knows this is IT. Perhaps just a convenient excuse to trick my AV but I feel strangely empowered. Thanks for taking the time to read this and I'm so grateful for each and every one of you :thanks

It wasn't really a life event, but I did something I absolutely despised myself for doing and that made me want to never drink again. I think it can make a difference. I recently gave up smoking and this time (I've tried to quit before and failed miserably, quite a few times) I had a reason: I'm going back to college in September and I don't want to be a smoker. It worked... just having that reason in the back of my mind. Not really sure what I'm trying to say here... just that I think it makes it a lot easier to quit something if you don't want to do what you were doing for a particular reason. Does that make sense?

For me, it was more about my physical health which was deteriorating badly, which prompted me to finally stop drinking.

As long as you stop drinking, that's the main thing. :)

It's great feeling empowered, suddenly our personal strength unleashed to steer the course. Great it happened for you in your 30's and maybe the next decade hanging close was the inspiration. I cannot pinpoint a milestone other than a beautiful day unfolding and me feeling horrible once again, a nagging pain in my knee that seemed to be triggered by excess alcohol and this very strong sense that I was blithely choosing to sabotage everything good in my life for something as stupid as a whole bunch of wine. I made up my mind to quit and never drink again. I don't know how this repressed human being got out from The Fog, but I did and I feel strong and wonderfully alive.

Hi, IWillWin, great to see you here and hear about how you are doing.

I hear what you are saying here and I remember feeling like this. I found it easier on the brain to make a promise to do something, rather than to not do something. Does it make a difference for you to say to yourself, 'I will face my 40s stone cold sober, with peace and joy and relief', rather than the negative? It means the same as what you said, but I found that my knuckles didn't turn that color so much.

I know this feeling of relief, too, IWillWin. I will suggest that you consider this: there is a simple way to multiply this relief x a million. Make a commitment, a solemn vow, to never drink again (some call it a Big Plan), and you can start that freedom from alcohol right this second. For ever, and for good. Then you can say, '....knowing I am finally free.'

It's only good stuff waiting for you and there is zero downside. Are you ready?

Yup. Makes perfect sense to me! I don't know why, but I just KNOW that I will not drink ever again once I turn 40. Maybe I just need a reason since I've been lucky enough so far to not lose everything, or anything really other than my self-respect and a few nights I don't recall, and I can use this as strength against my AV.

I appreciate your reply...helps to know that others out there understand the not-so-understandable. :thanks

Wow, thanks so much! It does make a difference to frame it positively rather than negatively...makes it about what I'm doing and not what I am NOT doing.

Wise advice that is going in my toolbox. Thanks to all of you, I think I need a bigger box! Lol!

There was no one event that pushed me to make this change. I just knew in my heart that I needed to make this change. I didn't want to put it off any longer!

My sobriety date was also six months to the day since I had stopped smoking. It helped me to choose a date that was personally significant but for not any other reason.

No. But trust me you don't want to keep doing it into your 40s. I made it to 44-45ish before my body started telling me to knock it off. My face started turning bright red (all the time), I started to lose my appetite, and some other bad stuff I don't want to get into right now.

I was actually at my doctor, getting some of this bad stuff checked out with no plans to stop drinking, when he simply asked me, "Why do you do it?". It wasn't judgemental at all. It was as if he was actually curious why somebody would do this to themselves. I thought and I thought, and all of my reasons seemed lame. The drinking was no longer even a good short term escape for me since it was starting to result in medical issues. I stammered out a few lame reasons to the doc and left. I haven't had a drink since.

I think it's great you want to start a new decade sober and aware! Whatever prompts you to make such a wise decision, go for it!! Anything that tricks the AV and empowers you is a very good thing!

For me, milestones would be more the opposite. I'd probably be on a last bender if I tried to pick a specific date to quit which would start the whole vicious cycle over again. I just sort of fell into the date I stopped because a friend's bad experience with alcohol hit home for me instead.

I used to say I'd quit smoking when I turned 30.. stop getting tattoos before 35, etc etc.. so far I haven't done either, and I've flown past both. "luckily", I had some pretty f'd up reasons that forced me to change my life than a birthday or other milestone, I didn't have a choice.

Editing to add: If that's what works for you, that is awesome.

Yes. Several. But the alcohol always won and I passed those milestones still drunk (and high). Ooops.

My Grandma died and i used it to self indulgently go on a 3 day binge . On her death i was immediately thinking how soon and how much drink i could get down my neck rather than anything approaching remorse or grieving.

I had already accepted i was alcoholic 7 or 8 years ago and thought i was'nt doing much harm to anyone and was happy to die slowly. I didn't like how the beast had shaped what i'd become and had to change it at all or any cost .

Bestwishes, M

Funny, in the past milestones would also throw me into a bender...Something is definitely different this time. It is almost like my rational voice will not allow me to drink my 40's away...I just know that for me, when my AV kicks in I will shut it down by saying "nope, I'm 40 now and that's that." Weird, I know :)

IWillWin, you can start celebrating your new life today, if you choose. I think you are ready to get this show on the road. I was full of anxiety about the whole idea, but two weeks after my last drink, I wondered why the heck I had waited so gd long. Sorta like postponing my release from prison. Nope, now is good. In fact, it will always be now when you do this, and this now is always the best one.

Well.. why NOT quit today?

The daily practice of gratitude changed my whole outlook. My monkey is now easily managed. A sober life is not one of missing out if you embrace it fully. I think waiting for external impetus is avoiding the issue, a change of heart is needed.

Good luck, keep at it

Thank you so much for all of the wisdom and advice on my somewhat nebulous post...I've been reading all day, sober, and really taking all of your comments to heart. Although I've been struggling, I have more sober time than not these past months and I'm just looking forward to complete surrender. For me, this milestone is the reason I need to trick my AV for good.

It is an exhausting fight with my AV and I already feel him losing power. It just seems when I argue with him lately I just barely win-with this milestone to keep me focused I have the ammunition I feel I need to really, truly keep him less loud (as we all know, they never go silent!)

I'm truly grateful to all who read and responded. It helps to know that even when things don't seem to make sense they actually do to the folks here :)

I think there are many drinkers who mature out of heavy drinking. I don't think true alcoholics do. My "milestone" was waking up in the hospital with wounds on my ankles and wrists from four-point restraints.

If I needed to fight with my AV, I would just barely win, just like you. I think the whole idea of surrendering is 100% wrong, but continuing to believe that you need to battle your AV is, you guessed it, your AV! There is Door #3.

You do not need to surrender, but you most certainly do not need to fight it. I found it so much easier when I just learned to accept it. It's like the clouds, it comes and goes all by itself. I hear that idea, but it is not mine, just a noise, and I don't listen to it. I don't argue or struggle, I just leave it alone. To win over my AV, I just look at it, focus on what the thought is, and then watch it disappear. I know I will never drink again, there is no risk of that, so there is no reason for me to get upset and tense over it.

You will win, I know it!