Im entering the pink cloud...Oh boy.
Looking For Myself...Sober
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where the heart is
Posts: 10,209
Im entering the pink cloud...Oh boy.
Well I am 12 days clean from any and all drugs, and on day 4 for cigs.
That is the longest in over a year. Pretty sad huh? Its not by complete choice. Cigs are too expensive here and I have no access to drugs.
But I will take what I can get for now. Im not so sure if I was still in Florida if I would be clean at all. I usually used only on the the weekends down there, but I was still using.
Anyway, I feel that massive fluffy pink cloud moving in.
I never know how to take that stage. Sometimes its really good for me, tyhen some times it just drops me like a rock and really bites me in the a$$.
I am just glad I am aware of it and wha it can do. I have been through this enough times. Just cant let myself get too delusional from it.
I cant wait to get my pdoc appt made. That is going to helpso much.
But at the same time I am going to open up in ways about being stabbed that I havent had to yet. That is scary. It all still hasnt hit me I dont think. Not even after almost a year. The fears and anger have just moved from one thing about it to another.
I was and am still totally stuck on the fact that nobody helped me and I had to beg someone to call 911. A majority of the peopel there knew me and 2 girls were up my a$$ for at least an hour before tyhat happened. One ran away "cause she was scared'. Ok..SHE was scared. She is also my boyfriends brothers ex girlfriend. The other one claims her phone died but couldnty look me in the face for 3 weeks after.
It took one girl I hardly knew that just happened to walk up at the end to call 911 and sit there the entire time with me. I will never in my life forget that or her. So much that I got my a$$ beat by a 6'ft 3' big black drug dealer dude because she owed him money. He wasnt about to hit her in front of me, so I ended up taking it for her. Everybody called me stupid. Whatever...
Anyway, I hope this cloud isnt too intense and doesnt last too long. Its been awhile since I have been clean and home. Its alot to be floatin on.
That is the longest in over a year. Pretty sad huh? Its not by complete choice. Cigs are too expensive here and I have no access to drugs.
But I will take what I can get for now. Im not so sure if I was still in Florida if I would be clean at all. I usually used only on the the weekends down there, but I was still using.
Anyway, I feel that massive fluffy pink cloud moving in.
I never know how to take that stage. Sometimes its really good for me, tyhen some times it just drops me like a rock and really bites me in the a$$.
I am just glad I am aware of it and wha it can do. I have been through this enough times. Just cant let myself get too delusional from it.
I cant wait to get my pdoc appt made. That is going to helpso much.
But at the same time I am going to open up in ways about being stabbed that I havent had to yet. That is scary. It all still hasnt hit me I dont think. Not even after almost a year. The fears and anger have just moved from one thing about it to another.
I was and am still totally stuck on the fact that nobody helped me and I had to beg someone to call 911. A majority of the peopel there knew me and 2 girls were up my a$$ for at least an hour before tyhat happened. One ran away "cause she was scared'. Ok..SHE was scared. She is also my boyfriends brothers ex girlfriend. The other one claims her phone died but couldnty look me in the face for 3 weeks after.
It took one girl I hardly knew that just happened to walk up at the end to call 911 and sit there the entire time with me. I will never in my life forget that or her. So much that I got my a$$ beat by a 6'ft 3' big black drug dealer dude because she owed him money. He wasnt about to hit her in front of me, so I ended up taking it for her. Everybody called me stupid. Whatever...
Anyway, I hope this cloud isnt too intense and doesnt last too long. Its been awhile since I have been clean and home. Its alot to be floatin on.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 360
The past is history, it's done, and when you find yourself getting really upset over it remember that. Sometimes I find myself thinking about what could have been, or what might be, and my heart gets pounding, I get angry and upset, and then I stop and realize that I'm alone in my room, there's no one there, there's nothing in my current environment that is making me feel that way and I'll stop and pay attention to the room, the sounds, the feelings and just be grateful that I'm in a different place than the one I was currently visiting in my mind.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 316
It's times like those in your past, that you know that you know who are your friends and who are not. That was their problem, they have to live with that.. What Alcoholics Anonymous has done for me is stay focused in the here and now-focusing one moment or one day at a time.. How can I drive down the road looking in the rear view mirror?? There is nothing you can do to change the past-but you can change your future.. Yes we do have to eventually deal with these things and that's the healthy way.. In AA you will be able to work this out in the steps and that all takes time. It it seems your appointment is going to be a great thing! You survived that, you can survive anything! Hopeing the best for your journey-YOU are not alone!
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Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 609
You could focus now on staying safe and healthy. I'm not going to condone what happened to you, they took advantage of and endangered a vulnerable person, but I think it goes to show a lot about the true nature of relationships that are based on this kind of scene.
I don't know T... you seem to get a bit of clean time and think you can take on the world, and I'm not meaning that as an insult or sarcasm, I think it's a feeling familiar to a lot of us. But when reality comes back in, it can be a very hard crash.
I think that a lot of addicts subconsciously crave a bit of drama or stuff happening in their lives, even when not using. It's part of the cycle. I don't think I always brought everything upon myself but there was some at least that I created myself when in my addict mentality.
Anyway, it seems to me that you've had the chance to have some growing up experiences over the past year, you're a smart girl and I hope you use some of that wisdom to benefit you now, in guiding your choices.
I keep having to remind myself that serenity is not the state of being perfect, it's more a state of acceptance. It sounds like a lot going on and a fair bit to sort out still, if you put being clean first though I have no doubt that other things will fall into place for you as they are supposed to. I know that you have been working on it for a long time now, but I think your life has a much better chance of moving forward in a positive direction if you are able to get the medical issues attended to and stay clean.
I don't know T... you seem to get a bit of clean time and think you can take on the world, and I'm not meaning that as an insult or sarcasm, I think it's a feeling familiar to a lot of us. But when reality comes back in, it can be a very hard crash.
I think that a lot of addicts subconsciously crave a bit of drama or stuff happening in their lives, even when not using. It's part of the cycle. I don't think I always brought everything upon myself but there was some at least that I created myself when in my addict mentality.
Anyway, it seems to me that you've had the chance to have some growing up experiences over the past year, you're a smart girl and I hope you use some of that wisdom to benefit you now, in guiding your choices.
I keep having to remind myself that serenity is not the state of being perfect, it's more a state of acceptance. It sounds like a lot going on and a fair bit to sort out still, if you put being clean first though I have no doubt that other things will fall into place for you as they are supposed to. I know that you have been working on it for a long time now, but I think your life has a much better chance of moving forward in a positive direction if you are able to get the medical issues attended to and stay clean.
Looking For Myself...Sober
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where the heart is
Posts: 10,209
Thanks everyone.
Michele, I know what your saying and def dont take it wrong. Your right. The proof is all here in the past posts. I couldnt even begin to try and deny it.
I think thats why I posted this. I kinda strayed from the point and title as I often do. ADD, I dont know. But my point was to be careful not to feel like I have it all figured out. Which the pink cloud can do to me. I know better.
I have done quite a bit of growing up in the past year. I was finally on my own and responsible for alot in my life and others for once. I have never had to maintain a home or take care of a hard working 'REAL' man. One that didnt engage in anything like I am use to. I became Betty Crocker and I loved it. I miss it so much. I appreciate alot more now, I am so much calmer and alot less immature. Especially with my mouth. I can see and feel the difference. I still get stupid when provoked tho. But not as bad or quick as before. Progress not perfection..right?
Anyway, I know this is very early on, the feelings of bliss are just what happens and I need to stay aware and not let it fool me into the same old thinking..'taking on the world' LOL
You know me pretty well.
Thanks for responding.
Anyone else have any input on the pink cloud effect? Personal experience?
Michele, I know what your saying and def dont take it wrong. Your right. The proof is all here in the past posts. I couldnt even begin to try and deny it.
I think thats why I posted this. I kinda strayed from the point and title as I often do. ADD, I dont know. But my point was to be careful not to feel like I have it all figured out. Which the pink cloud can do to me. I know better.
I have done quite a bit of growing up in the past year. I was finally on my own and responsible for alot in my life and others for once. I have never had to maintain a home or take care of a hard working 'REAL' man. One that didnt engage in anything like I am use to. I became Betty Crocker and I loved it. I miss it so much. I appreciate alot more now, I am so much calmer and alot less immature. Especially with my mouth. I can see and feel the difference. I still get stupid when provoked tho. But not as bad or quick as before. Progress not perfection..right?
Anyway, I know this is very early on, the feelings of bliss are just what happens and I need to stay aware and not let it fool me into the same old thinking..'taking on the world' LOL
You know me pretty well.
Thanks for responding.
Anyone else have any input on the pink cloud effect? Personal experience?
Looking For Myself...Sober
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where the heart is
Posts: 10,209
Well doing with what I have to work with. Learnign the Bible with my nifty New Believers Bible.
Reading my NA lit and coming here. No car, no ride to meetings. Have absolutely no insurance as of right now. I have called the hotline and nobody has a ride to the only NA meeting they have herw. The next closest one is in Saratoga and thats a hike up the highway.
Reading my NA lit and coming here. No car, no ride to meetings. Have absolutely no insurance as of right now. I have called the hotline and nobody has a ride to the only NA meeting they have herw. The next closest one is in Saratoga and thats a hike up the highway.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: my room in ct.
Posts: 58,110
holy crap!
did i hear Pink Cloud
you want it, you got it trish
that pink cloud can last a lifetime,
it's not just about things are getting better, or a bliss like feeling,
it's really about the attutide, growing up, becoming responsible (shudder)
and chasing that serenity like we chased the high
the Tude trish, the Tude
and i dont mean bad ass bittch
good wishes trish, you know i've been rooting for you for a long time
zip
did i hear Pink Cloud
you want it, you got it trish
that pink cloud can last a lifetime,
it's not just about things are getting better, or a bliss like feeling,
it's really about the attutide, growing up, becoming responsible (shudder)
and chasing that serenity like we chased the high
the Tude trish, the Tude
and i dont mean bad ass bittch
good wishes trish, you know i've been rooting for you for a long time
zip
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
((Trish)) - I do hope you open up to your dr. Back when I went through the robbery, pistol-whipping, etc., it was my pdoc who helped the most. He's just a regular dr. but he cared and that made all the difference in the world.
I've had the pink cloud a few times, even though I've been clean for years. I say a "thank you" prayer and I know...it's not going to last forever, but it's happened often enough that I know as long as I keep walking the right path, it will happen again.
I have days I am SO frustrated with how slow I'm progressing (as far as getting my life back together) and other days I'm so grateful, it brings tears to my eyes. I've learned that I never know WHAT I'm going to feel when I wake up, but at the end of the day, when I'm getting ready to go to sleep, I'm grateful...my prayer, ever since I've been in recovery is "Thank you. The good, the bad, and everything in between. I am grateful". I know it sounds crazy to be grateful for the bad, but if it weren't for that, I wouldn't appreciate the good so much!
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
I've had the pink cloud a few times, even though I've been clean for years. I say a "thank you" prayer and I know...it's not going to last forever, but it's happened often enough that I know as long as I keep walking the right path, it will happen again.
I have days I am SO frustrated with how slow I'm progressing (as far as getting my life back together) and other days I'm so grateful, it brings tears to my eyes. I've learned that I never know WHAT I'm going to feel when I wake up, but at the end of the day, when I'm getting ready to go to sleep, I'm grateful...my prayer, ever since I've been in recovery is "Thank you. The good, the bad, and everything in between. I am grateful". I know it sounds crazy to be grateful for the bad, but if it weren't for that, I wouldn't appreciate the good so much!
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Looking For Myself...Sober
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where the heart is
Posts: 10,209
Yes Dee I finally made it back to family. It only took a year and several missed plane reservations. But I miss being independent. I got a taste of it and now I want to keep it. Ny family has so much of their own issues I wouldnt even dare ask. They make you feel like a big POS sometimes if you ask for a ride or to use a vehicle. They do it to my gram, imagine how it would be with me.
I will figure it out as long as I stay close to SR and keep my mnd focused, I will utilize things as they become available.
I will figure it out as long as I stay close to SR and keep my mnd focused, I will utilize things as they become available.
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