New Here - First Post
 

Hi. I've been reading/lurking for several months but have never posted before. I see a lot of myself in many of the posts I read here and it brings me a lot of comfort to know there are other people out there like me.

I don't know why I am so nervous about posting here but I am. I have felt that I have had a problem with alcohol for several years. I've never gotten a DUI or lost a job or really had anything dramatic happen because of my drinking. I just feel like it's slowly sucking the life out of me...making me more apathetic, depressed, anxious and isolated.

I drink at least a bottle of wine almost every night. I do it to deal with anxiety, depression and lonliness.

I am a pretty successful person in my job, and my job puts me in the public eye. I have friends, but not really close friends. I live far away from family, but my family is pretty dysfunctional so that's not necessarily a bad thing. I just kind of feel empty inside. Like I'm going through the motions of life but not really living or enjoying life.

I do most of my drinking alone. When I am with friends I don't get out of control. A lot of my friends drink a lot more than me. Most of my friends are these really high-functioning, successful people. I am a lawyer, although honestly I don't like most lawyers, LOL. I'm kind of on the more reserved side and I have to constantly deal with people trying to push me around, although for the most part I handle it. I also feel like I am starting to lose my edge at work. Nothing bad has happened but I feel like I am slipping.

Anyway, I know what I am doing is not working, but the thought of stopping seems so overwhelming. I feel like I am slowing dying inside.

Not sure what I am looking for by posting this. Maybe just someone to listen. Thanks. I really do feel better when I read the posts and comments here.

Hi Etta. I hope you keep reading and posting. There is a lot of help and support here. I am newly sober and a lot of the strength I have for my journey comes from this site.

Hi Etta, today was also my first day on this forum, I can sure relate to a lot of what you wrote!

I hope you continue to express yourself on here, it seems like a good, safe place to work through this stuff. As for myself, I am very hopeful that I can use the support of the folks on here to help myself get out of this terrible rut.

Onward and upward!

Welcome, Etta - I'm so glad to see you've joined the posting side of this forum.

Sounds like the drinking is causing some problems for you, and I think you will find a lot of support here.

Hard to tell if the depression, anxiety and loneliness stems from the drinking, but the only way to find out is to get the alcohol out of your life. It distorts what may truly be going on for you.

I was scared to death to quit drinking, but I was also scared to die, and I came really, really close. I never thought I would stumble to such depths of despair.

Once I quit the booze and worked on what I needed to do to get my life back on track, things changed, and for the better. Clarity brings answers.

So once again, welcome.....we understand; you're not alone.

All my best....

Welcome Etta -

My drinking was a lot like yours - a bottle of wine most nights, nothing dramatic in terms of consequences, but not doing well emotionally or mentally. Alcohol is probably creating most of your anxiety/depression - that's what it did to me - but things really will get better if you decided to get sober.

We're here for you!:wave:

Hi and welcome Etta - you're among friends here :)

D

Welcome! You sound like my mirror image twin (aside from the lawyer part, but I am a Career Practicioner and deal with all walks of life) I'm in the public eye as well with my Government position, it's damn hard to deny a client due to drugs or alcohol to give them a chance to take care of their addiction when I'm no better!

Stuck with this group, they are life saving fantastic! Keep us posted on your progress and please message if you want to talk one on one!

All the best,

Fancy! xo

Stuck means stick * oops

Welcome Etta and InAHole-you will find comfort and help here and glad you found your way to SR.

I'm quitting for many of the same reasons you're thinking about it. While nothing dramatic happened to me either, I felt the same downward spiral, losing my drive at work, going through the motions, stressed out, tired, and worried about my drinking getting worse with severe consequences. I can honestly say that even though it's only been 5 weeks I feel so much more at peace with myself. Drinking was causing most of the anxiety I was feeling, I think.

I couldn't look at it as stopping forever either because it was so overwhelming. All I can do is say "not today" and it's working so far. Not for today is manageable. It makes me feel like it's still my choice, even though I know booze has to be out of my life. I come here often, and it truly helps. Best of luck in the beginning of your journeys!

Thanks for the support, it really helps. I really appreciate the comments on the anxiety/depression issue. Depression runs in my family, on my mom's side. I feel that I have been dealing with depression since I was an early teen, but I never really understood it was an actual illness until my grandmother was hospitalized for depression when I was in my late teens. Her's was so severe that she had electro shock therapy, twice. I know that sounds severe but it actually helped her a lot and she lived a pretty healthy life until she died at the age of 90 last November. She was never a drinker. Frankly, I'm in awe that she wasn't. As a person dealing with pretty serious depression, I honestly don't know how she pulled it off for 90 years. She was a tough lady, but she wouldn't talk about her depression. I think my mom has some serious depression issues, but she also refuses to admit it. She doesn't drink either. Anyway, I'm trying to be proactive about this and I am taking medication for it. (My grandmother refused medication for years and I think maybe that's why it got to the point where she had to be hospitalized). But, of course drinking counteracts the meds. I know that, I just can't seem to stop the urge to use alcohol to numb my feelings.

Welcome! :hug: I too was a wine drinker at home alone. It took hard work and time to get to a good place but now with over two years sober I'm happier and more peaceful that I've been in a long while. Glad you joined us!:)

Etta, my story sounds pretty close to yours: I am also a professional with a demanding job who drank alone to relieve stress and loneliness. Like you, nearly all of the damage of my drinking took place on the inside.

I hope you'll continue sharing your story here. I know that you'll gain a lot of insights from the thoughtful comments posted here.

I wish you the best.

Welcome Etta and inahole,
I too was a wine drinker and have a public type job. I did not drink in public, only at home, as I never wanted to be seen with a drink or tipsy in public. I rarely answered my phone in the evenings, as I didn't want to slur a word or laugh too loudly. Nothing catastrophic happened due to drinking; however, nine weeks sober today, I look back and see the MANY small problems that alcohol was producing in my life that added up to something big.

Please stay with us and keep posting:)