Newchapter81

It's 6:43a I'm going into my 2nd full day of no pills. No soma, ambien or my former beloved vicoprofens and lorcets. As I type this out I am disgusted with myself. I'm a recovered alcoholic...I knew better!!!! I'm a 30yo female with 5 years of not a drop of alcohol..and what did I do two days ago? When I ran out of pills and didn't get my herbal opiate-like bank-draining "tea" in the mail? I bought 2 6 packs of beer. A lemon german ale..and then I was like "Well, what will I drink the next day?" So I bought 2 6 packs. Insanity. Thank god I went by the post office and happen to get a package of tea early..otherwise this whole thing could have been a lot worse..and I would have regretted drinking soo much. My thoughts are everywhere..and I feel like sheesh.. so I do apologize.

The physical withdraws of opiates are awful. Luckily I was only taking them heavily for around 3 months. Right after my son was born they gave me percocet for my c-section and it was all downhill from there. I have a way of manipulating my way into getting addicted to everything I get my hands on that alters my state of mind in the slightest way. Especially anything that slows my mind down. Uppers make me INSANE besides caffeine, of course. I am also withdrawing from that in the hopes to get some sleep. I slept a couple of hours last night because I took a bunch of herbal sleep remedies. And last night not a wink. Not a benedryl one allowed by my husband.....

I freaked out and refused to go into the detox facilty because it was dirty and there were creepy "crackhead" looking men staring at me from outside of the window and up and down the halls. They were those eye raping coming off meth types.. And they did not have a spare bed available so they were going to put me on a dirty cot in a room with 3 other girls..2 of which were in their day 1..with less then a foot in between their beds. I am a germaphobe mind you. I had no idea it was going to be like that. I had brought a journal and a magazine and pictures..and they were going to put me on a dirty cot and take all of my belongings away. I called my husband and cried and cried...So when we got home my husband prompty removed all of my prescription drugs, my vitamins and herbal remedies, my cold meds, my stomach meds, my tylenol, aleve, ibruprofen, he took all my soda and the beer out of the fridge..

He gives me aleve or tylenol every 2 - 4 hours..and anti-diarreal IF I have a loose stool.TMI sorry.. and THAT IS IT!!!!!!! And I have not gotten pissed and ranted but I have whined a little..and one time I had this grand scheme about how I was going to get the rest of my tea (I have 2 more shipments sitting in the po box) and do it until next week because then I would be more ready..and I wouldn't miss my nieces 5th birthday party saturday..and I could have the energy to withdrawl from this semester of school (supposed to start finishing my bachelors degree in psych). I don't want to go to a recovery center...but I think I have to. The pills are masking a large underlying problem. I'm so stressed because I'm supposed to start work next week back from my 3 month maternity leave...and I have to quit starting school...but the biggest most dreadful thing that I cannot bare to think about is I have to leave my son. Oh it's heart wrenching.

AND what is with these withdrawls? I was on a high dose of tramadol for years. I got up to over 200 pills a month of it. The withdrawls were bad but this is worse. I realize I am spelling withdrawl wrong but I do not have the energy right not to fix them all. I can barely type this out. Just need support. Need to know that this is going to get better. I've read horror stories. I'm glad it's not as bad as last night. I really was thinking about the gun in the drawer last night. Not that I would ever ever do it. But just thinking about that stupid gun.. My skin was on fire and it felt like my skin was crawling from the inside out. I was tired but I couldn't get comfortable at all in any position. Last night it was just the bad headache..back pain..tossing turning.. no sleep. And starving but sick feeling. Ugh. I am glad though that it is not getting worse..seems to be getting a hair better. I am not even in the one day at a time stage..it is one moment. . and trying to remember that this path of hardship may very well lead to peace. .

Newchapter81

I wanted to add that I do not want to make it sound like I believe all meth and crack users are eye raping creeps. I know any one of us could get hooked on that stuff if put in the right situation. I did meth and coke for a short spell in my first year of alcohol sobriety. It messes with your mind something terrible. I messed with it for a month and lost everything and moved 2,000 miles and started a new life..

Fenris

Hang in there Newchapter. My prayers are with you.

SlimSlim

Withdrawal is not going to be easy, but it can be done. I would expect this withdrawal to be more difficult than quitting Tramadol.

Physical withdrawal from Lorcet can take up to 6 to 8 days.

My big concern for you right now is the suicidal thoughts and the gun in the house. Please talk to your husband about this and have him remove the gun to a place where you cannot get it.

I'm thinking of you...when it gets rough, keep telling yourself that it does eventually end and you will be all the better for it.

Newchapter81

I just wanted to give an update that day 3 was a little better. With withdrawal you never know how it's going to feel from one moment to the next. I actually felt pretty good last night! I have not even had a otc pain reliever in ... 7 -8 hours. God is good.. I got accepted in to a 3 day detox and possible 30-60 day residential. I cried with joy and fear. Thank you so much to those who responded to me. Im going to come out of this a better person and better eventual therapist. I know this road will have its ups and downs. I am hopeful. Phil 4 13 "I can do all things in Christ who strengthens me."

Fenris

That's great Newchapter. Good luck to you.