Well hello!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: The Great Southwest
Posts: 3
Well hello!
So I am new clearly - I should have done this a long time ago. I am not religious, spiritual maybe but I choose to not participate in any organized religious practices. Because of that I've always stayed away from AlAnon and I'm afraid that will keep my boyfriend way from AA as he has not been religious in the 5 years we've been together, probably not in the 15 years before that either since he was a kid. I realize now that the use of a higher power is no reason to deny myself help.
He and I are moving together to a different state together soon. I know that I am letting myself continue to make excuses and pretend that it can get better but I can't pass up the opportunity to be closer to my dad and live in a bigger better city. He is aware that he has a drinking problem and that it will be the end of us, and we've finally started talking about counseling for both of us. Our daily situation will be changing drastically so I of course hope that the drinking might actually slow down, even though I know better... The kicker is that he's already gone through a cocaine addiction. He quit cold turkey after almost dying in the hospital when he discovered he had type 1 diabetes before we were together. I suppose I hold on to that and hope that it means he'll be strong enough one day to take control of the drinking and gambling habits he's developed since quitting cocaine...
I have a great family and friend support system where we are moving already and I can always come back to our "hometown." I don't know if I have faith in myself enough to recognize when to do that, but that's what I'm here to work on.
The reason I say we both need couseling is because it is not only for his drinking but for our relationship. I am smart enough to know I don't need counseling _because_ of him, although his drinking certainly contributes to my codependency.
I grew up as an only child to two alcoholic/drug addicted parents. My father's son is 16 years old than I which is why I consider myself to be an only child "growing up." I love my brother and wish I had a better relationship with him and his children, but alcoholism and addiction to opiates has eaten his life away and he doesn't even see his children - his crazy ex-wife is probably partially so crazy because of what she went through with him, I can at least give her that much because I know what she's had to deal with.
My father is doing very well - my mother is not. I'm actually still struggling on how to deal with both of them. I never thought I would gain my relationship with my father back and I know it will always be strained but I think I'm getting better at realizing he's still who he is, just not messed up anymore, and that helps! I hope that my mother will realize that I'm not trying to hurt or control her by suggesting she get help, again, but I know that is a lost cause. Rather than hope she will realize my intent, I need to readjust my handling of her I think.
My relationship with my mother is where I actually feel most lost or helpless and I don't really even talk to her anymore. I worry that something bad will happen to her and although I know it wouldn't be anyone's fault but her's (I guess?) I can't imagine not feeling guilty if she hurts herself intentionally or not. I also just feel guilty for cutting off communication with her - but I don't know how else to handle her until she gets help
Anyway! I hope to learn a lot and share a lot, we here all know we've got a lot to tackle
Nice to meet everyone!
He and I are moving together to a different state together soon. I know that I am letting myself continue to make excuses and pretend that it can get better but I can't pass up the opportunity to be closer to my dad and live in a bigger better city. He is aware that he has a drinking problem and that it will be the end of us, and we've finally started talking about counseling for both of us. Our daily situation will be changing drastically so I of course hope that the drinking might actually slow down, even though I know better... The kicker is that he's already gone through a cocaine addiction. He quit cold turkey after almost dying in the hospital when he discovered he had type 1 diabetes before we were together. I suppose I hold on to that and hope that it means he'll be strong enough one day to take control of the drinking and gambling habits he's developed since quitting cocaine...
I have a great family and friend support system where we are moving already and I can always come back to our "hometown." I don't know if I have faith in myself enough to recognize when to do that, but that's what I'm here to work on.
The reason I say we both need couseling is because it is not only for his drinking but for our relationship. I am smart enough to know I don't need counseling _because_ of him, although his drinking certainly contributes to my codependency.
I grew up as an only child to two alcoholic/drug addicted parents. My father's son is 16 years old than I which is why I consider myself to be an only child "growing up." I love my brother and wish I had a better relationship with him and his children, but alcoholism and addiction to opiates has eaten his life away and he doesn't even see his children - his crazy ex-wife is probably partially so crazy because of what she went through with him, I can at least give her that much because I know what she's had to deal with.
My father is doing very well - my mother is not. I'm actually still struggling on how to deal with both of them. I never thought I would gain my relationship with my father back and I know it will always be strained but I think I'm getting better at realizing he's still who he is, just not messed up anymore, and that helps! I hope that my mother will realize that I'm not trying to hurt or control her by suggesting she get help, again, but I know that is a lost cause. Rather than hope she will realize my intent, I need to readjust my handling of her I think.
My relationship with my mother is where I actually feel most lost or helpless and I don't really even talk to her anymore. I worry that something bad will happen to her and although I know it wouldn't be anyone's fault but her's (I guess?) I can't imagine not feeling guilty if she hurts herself intentionally or not. I also just feel guilty for cutting off communication with her - but I don't know how else to handle her until she gets help
Anyway! I hope to learn a lot and share a lot, we here all know we've got a lot to tackle
Nice to meet everyone!
instant
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Australia
Posts: 5,711
Welcome. am sorry I do not have any advice that would be of use. Your have a lot of personal strength to be able to come through all that. I wonder why you have stayed away from al-anon. There is family and friends list on the main menu. Might be worth a look.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Cleveland, OH
Posts: 1,191
Hope you can find some help here. I just wanted to encourage you to not disregard AA and Alanon as options for help because of your beliefs. AA is not religious. It is certainly spiritual, but there are no rules about what you have to believe as a religion would have. When God or Higher Power is brought up in AA it is personal to each individual. We have the choice of who or what our own higher power is. A lot of people including atheists and agnostics have gotten help through the fellowships of AA and Alanon. I wish you the best.
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