firsttimehere

Hi I have been drinking between 4 and 8 cans nightly for 12 years... am I alcoholic ? I want to try and stop I drink mostly because of boredom and never in the day as I work, recently I have had panic attacks and my doctor says to just cut down on the drink, but he wasn't any more helpful than that, he thinks I need antidepressants but I don't feel depressed, at least in the day.

When I get home from work I am returning to an empty house and having a drink makes it seem not so bad. All relationships I have had over the years have eventually ended and I don't have many friends just work associates that I know. The only time I see them outside of work is when they are going to the pub.

I want to reduce the amount I am drinking but not sure which would be the best way to do this. I would not be able to go to somewhere like AA, I don't think it would help me, because of my views on religion.

Any advice anyone can offer ?

Thanks

Dee74

Hi firsttimehere

I think sometimes a better question is does my drinking cause me problems, does it make me unhappy and do I wish I could stop?

If the answer's yes...then I think you owe it to yourself to think about ways you can change things.

I never had much luck reducing the amount I drank though - have you tried that before?

As for recovery programmes there are more alternatives than AA, like SMART or Rational Recovery...I recommend you visit the Secular Connections forum if you think you may benefit from a non 12 step approach.

I'd also recommend you see your Dr if you decide to quit- whether it's 4 or 8 drinks a night you've been doing it for a while - best to get some professional input.

D

Threshold

It sounds like your life might be happier if you could out drinking as a way to "cope" and find some other ways to enhance your life.

AA, and other recovery programs help do both. Many agnostics and atheists still find recovery in AA, so don't automatically count it out as a recovery option. Go to some meetings, mention that the god issue is a block for you, there may be others there who share your experience, can tell you how they address it, or steer you towards a group or sponsor that shares your beliefs.

I have an NA sponsor who does not believe in any sort of god, and we are a great match.

I also use a variety of other tools in my recovery program to help me address the issues in my life that led to my drinking. These include some self help options, psychiatric meds (I DO have bipolar disorder), social options, programs to help me find better employment, etc.

SR is a HUGE help to me, as I am able to benefit from the experiences of a very diverse group of recovering addicts and substance abusers.

To sum it up, there are recovery and life skill supports for every need and belief. SR is a great place to learn about many of them.

RobbyRobot

Welcome, firsttimehere.

I agree with D, and Threshhold. Is the drinking itself a problem? Do you want to stop? Is your quality of life better without alcohol? These questions when answered will give you a more informed position than simply, are you alcoholic?

Your daily intake is certainly above the normals, and twelve years is a long time to be drinking at those levels, and consulting with your doctor again about quitting would be the right move.

Cutting down works until it dosen't, and then things just go even more haywire with moderation. There are plenty of people sharing similar stories, and visiting the SR site often, and sharing more of your experiences, will really go along way into helping you decide what way forward works for you personally.

Hey, good going on already deciding that you and alcohol could be having problems with each other.

Grace2

Hi and welcome

I think if you are worried enough to post on here and to think that you may have a problem with drink, then you do have a problem with it.

I tried cutting down lots of times, just drinking at weekends, not having a drink until after 21.00 hrs, none of it worked, I was just kidding myself.

I know now it is all or nothing, for me anyway.

You can get loads of support and make loads of friends on here.

Maybe you need to take a look at your lifestyle and get some hobbies, there must be lots of things that you could do that would bring you into contact with people, new friends,

You can do this, but only if you want to.

Big hugs

Gxx

Uninvited

Your story is very similar to mine. But I did gradually increased from 8 or so beers a night to an eventual 12-13 beers per night. I could flex up to about 18-20 beers a night on weekends once in a while, but it pretty much leveled off at approximately 12 per night.

I too worked all day long without drinking at all, and returned home to an empty house. The drinking basically mellowed me out and kept me from being quite so bored being alone all the time.

Now that I'm 93 days sober, I can see that it was the drinking that made me actually want to be alone - so I could drink. The "being alone" was a symptom. I'm still alone when I get home, but I'm also suddenly interested in tons of activities that I haven't been interested in doing in decades. They have the potential to at some point allow me to not be alone all the time.

I, like you, thought that I wasn't an alcoholic. And in some ways, our story is a little different than some other alcoholics. We can/could actually not drink during the day. And I could, on very rare occasions if forced to, go for a day or two without drinking. But drinking was effecting my life in very negative ways, and stopping drinking was just as hard for me mentally as it is for any other alcoholic. What you should be asking yourself is the following:

-Is it impossible for you to go cold turkey without any alcohol for week? A month? 90 days? Try it for a week and see what happens.

-Have you ever said no to any plans with friends/family because to do so would interfere with your nightly drinking?

-Do you find yourself wondering if your coworkers can smell the beer from the night before on your breath? If you don't yet, give it a few years and your liver will not be quite as efficient at clearing out the effects by 7am.

-Do you find yourself watching the clock at 5pm thinking you need to leave soon to get home and start drinking?

-Have you ever had to hide/lie about your drinking? Do you find yourself buying beer in multiple stores so the clerks at the store won't know you are drinking that much?

-Is your face starting to bloat and turn red yet? Do you have bloodshot eyes?

-Do you keep people at a distance because generally they would interfere with your nightly drinking?

-Do you suddenly realize you need to drive someplace at 10pm but you cant because you are a little buzzed?

I could probably go on with this list for an hour because I would have answered yes to all of them, but I'll just stop there. I would say that whether you call yourself an alcoholic or not, if you are experiencing the types of things I mention above, you have a problem. Just like I did. I couldn't be happier to be free of it, at least for today.

Fenris

Welcome to SR firsttime. It really doesn't matter what your views on religion are -- AA has worked for people of any and no religious views. I've been in meetings with Buddhists, Muslims, atheists, agnostics, Catholics and Southern Baptists, all at the same time and once we're in that room, our common desire to stop drinking becomes the focus, binds us together in fellowship, no matter how different we are outside the room. It's kept this alcoholic sober for longer than I ever would have thought possible.

I don't know if you're an alcoholic. Only you can know that. But I know that if you're here, then you realize that your drinking is causing you problems. Do yourself a favor and stop drinking now. Get some support to do it (you'll find a lot of support here at SR). I started off drinking three beers a night for years. A flip switched on and it took me over a decade to start living again and cost me almost everything in the process. Don't let that happen to you.

--Fenris.

Fenris

"A flip switched on...." (sigh). That should read "A switch flipped on". Having one of those days...

2granddaughters

So, you would choose to die an alcoholic rather than change your views ??....

What are your views on religion? Is it above you or beneath you?

Doesn't really matter as AA is not religious anyway. Be sure you don't condemn something that can help you, especially with no investigation first.

All the best.

Bob R

choublak

I think you already know the answer to your question.

Welcome.

FlyerFan

Okay a few things stuck out here that I just want to share my own experience on.

1. If you are questioning your drinking, you most likely do have a problem. But only YOU can decide if you are an alcoholic or not, nobody else can tell you that.

2. A sure sign of alcoholism is that we drink to feel better, to escape reality, or to reduce anxiety, etc.

3. You only hang out with people when you drink. We call this isolation. When I was actively drinking I wanted nothing to do with anyone at all, unless they were drinking with me.

4. AA is not religious, but it is spiritual. Don't totally dismiss it as a possible means of help. But there are several other programs out there that are available if you would feel more comfortable trying one of them.

The way you describe yourself sounds a lot like the way I used to feel and I know that I am an alcoholic and can never safely use alcohol in any form at all. If I do I will surely die a slow, painful, alcoholic death.

ru12

There are lots of ways to quit drinking, but it sounds like you want to moderate. Moderation Management might help you or HarmReduction. Personally I found it easier to just stop than to moderate. My life is so much better now as a sober person.


I wish you the best.

FlyerFan

Moderation is not possible for most true alcoholics.