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When I was drinking there towards the end, it was a crazy cycle of drinking, drugs, hangover, and then dragging myself to do things that I had to do. It was indeed very taxing. I am glad I am sober today through the grace of God go I. No matter what today I choose to be sober and if I do the right thing and pray I don't have to eat out of trashcans. |
I used to feel the same way and have come to believe that my discontent was a symptom of my alcoholism. For normal people, the divide between Drinking and Not Drinking is simply not that great. If you tell a normal person they can't drink for whatever reason, they just don't care that much. But tor me drinking was always a BFD. That might as well be my personal definition of alcoholism. have you tried anything other than Aa? I used rational recovery. I haven't had a drink in 2 years (exactly. Today is my soberversary) and I still don't buy step one of AA. there are alternatives! |
Originally Posted by SSIL75
(Post 3545431)
I used rational recovery. I haven't had a drink in 2 years (exactly. Today is my soberversary) and I still don't buy step one of AA. there are alternatives! |
Originally Posted by septemberlass
(Post 3544834)
Please, don't give me platitudes. Don't tell me to stick around till it gets better, or 'wait for the miracle to happen'. I'm delighted if it has for you, but it hasn't for me, and I don't think it will. AG |
Originally Posted by septemberlass
(Post 3544834)
...but being sober sucks. Believe me, I have tried both. I don't know what to do, because both are as unpleasant as the the other, IMO. Here's where I am: Been in AA for a year, got my one, two, and three-month chips. Never made it to six months. And, yes, I joined a group, got a sponsor, said the prayers, attended meetings, did service, shared at meetings, etc... I also am in weekly therapy, both one-on-one and group. Here, IMO, is how alcohol sucks: No, I never had hangovers, nor blackouts, never ended up in jail, never physically hurt anyone. But hiding (which I seem compelled to do) is becoming something of a full-time job. And each time I'm caught (but to be truthful, moreso each time I 'get away with it') is a horrible, humiliating, soul-crushing, soul-killing experience. I'm constantly on edge, fearful that my loved ones will detect my drunkenness. Here, IMO, is how being sober sucks: Again, no hangovers, no blackouts, no jail, no assaults...lol. But being sober day in and out is a dreadful, drab, colourless, humourless, blah existence where I try to convince everyone (mainly myself) that I'm happy. That I'm free. That I'm whatever they need me to be. But every experience is like a vibrant sweater that's been put through the wash cycle 27 times and only retains a hint of its original coulour. And again, I'm constantly on edge, fearful that my loved ones will detect my desire for drunkenness. Please, don't give me platitudes. Don't tell me to stick around till it gets better, or 'wait for the miracle to happen'. I'm delighted if it has for you, but it hasn't for me, and I don't think it will. For years I felt the way you feel when sober. Thats why I drank. It was a quick fix for my problem. Alcohol itself was never the problem. If it were, my life should get better when I just stopped drinking, but it didnt. I needed to treat my disease. I was incapable of living a sober life. I was fearful, anxious, depressed, angry, lonely etc unless I could experience the ease and comfort which came from a drink. So take the drink away and you have taken the only answer I know. Now I am left with alcoholism and no alcohol to treat it with. That is where the steps came in. That has been my treatment. Havent had the desire to drink nor have I experienced boredom in the last 4 years. A miracle can and will happen, if you take the actions necessary. It is not a matter of length of sobriety, but a matter of doing the work. I wish you the best. I know you are in a tough spot and hope you can get out of it. |
I found sitting in the area outside cardiology hearing the alarms sound and seeing the doctors run made me appreciate my sober life a whole lot more , life seemed quite precious and rather too colourful then . Bestwishes, M |
Ziggy- ? re brain damage Ziggy: I started having neurological problems and it became apparent that something was wrong, so an MRI was done. While this could be Multiple Sclerosis, the lesions are not typical for MS and other diseases have been ruled out, with a neuro at Yale saying that alcohol has played a role. In the image below, there is too much black space at the top (cerebral atrophy). Some brain cells should regenerate with abstinence.The white roundish spots are lesions; there are at least 14 (not all appear in this image) with the largest one being over .35 inches. There is not a definitive diagnosis for the cause of these lesions, which have been tracked over a 5 year period and thus it is not known if neurological deficits will improve. [IMG]http://i1091.photobucket.com/albums/...2/Picture1.jpg[/IMG] |
I didn't buy AA either, after 9 years of AA pain I found Rational Recovery, and now have meaningful sobriety. I'm 100% self recovered, NO GOD, NO MEETINGS, . . . ROCK & F*UCKING ROLL :rotfxko |
SlimSlim - I'm so sorry... this is a good reminder to all of us to stay away from alcohol abuse. :( What were your symptoms? I started having migraines a while ago with odd flashes of light, haven't had any since I've cut back on the booze. |
Originally Posted by Huey
(Post 3545470)
I didn't buy AA either, after 9 years of AA pain I found Rational Recovery, and now have meaningful sobriety. I'm 100% self recovered, NO GOD, NO MEETINGS, . . . . ROCK & F*UCKING ROLL :rotfxko |
PippoRossi, Here's a very good thread you might find interesting. RR and AVRT helped me loads! http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...iscussion.html I believe the thread is up to five generations now and all are worth reading, I think. love from Lenina |
What a pitty party.. This is 100% your decision. One can choose to be free or chase being free. Or IMO this case sit on the side and wish you were free. No feeling sorry for you here. Just I wish you well in this CHOICE of yours. |
:agree to Freshstart |
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