HELP PLEASE! My dad's an alcoholic and suicidal and was taken to the hospital - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
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Old 08-22-2012, 11:58 AM   #1 (permalink)
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HELP PLEASE! My dad's an alcoholic and suicidal and was taken to the hospital


I'm 21 my dads 51. He has 5 bulging discs in his back. Was addicted to methadone for 6 years because of it. His work found out and told him he would get fired if he didnt go off it. He went off it a couple months ago and instead resorted to drinking . He's been drunk 24/7 the last month. To the point of black out drunk in bed. He kept talking about ending it all and killing himself. He was saying just give me my pistol and shut my door. Last night he had a rope in his pocket and was going to hang himself. When he drinks he's the devil he told my brother and I that he doesn't love us and doesn't care. My mom called 911 this morning because he was passed out on the floor in their room.

His blood alcohol level was 2.87 and the nurse said it will be 11 hrs before the dr will evaluate him because he has to be completely sober.Im afraid that they will release him. We hid all the guns and knives in the house so he won't hurt himself. He went to anger management before and has had a nervous breakdown in the past. He needs help and I'm afraid he's not going to get it. I'm afraid he'll get out and kill my mom or himself. I dont know what to do. I love my dad but that guy at the hospital who's been living at my house the last couple months are not him.

He's a manipulator and puts on a very good front. I'm afraid he will convince the doctor and they'll release him.

What do we do?
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Old 08-22-2012, 12:03 PM   #2 (permalink)
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So sorry. He is lucky to have you. I have no words of wisdo,, but lots of love.
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Old 08-22-2012, 12:15 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Thank you. I just don't understand. My dad was my best friend I was his everything. People would tell him they envied or relationship and wish they had one like that with their daughters. Now he says he doesnt care. He doesn't care about me, my mom, my siblings, or himself. I just dont understand why he hates himself so much to hate us. It's not fair and it hurts
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Old 08-22-2012, 12:17 PM   #4 (permalink)
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He doesn't hate you honey. He is sick, and scared. He needs real help. He loves you, I just know it. But right now he feels defensive. I have known many like him. Just keep loving him. He won't forget it. But love yourself, too. You need gentle care. This is not easy.
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Old 08-22-2012, 12:18 PM   #5 (permalink)
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I'm so sorry, Daughter511. This is a very sad and stressful situation for you and your family. My father is also an alcoholic and has threatened/attempted suicide in the past.

First and foremost, take care of yourself right now! Your dad is in the hospital, where he is being taken care of. You and your family are suffering more right now than he is. The hospital won't let him out if they know he threatened to kill himself.

This is a very good site for you to find out more about addiction and alcoholism. Take some time to read the "stickies" in the Friends & Family forum, as well as in the Adult Children of Addicts/Alcoholics forum. There is some very useful information there.

We will be here for you.
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Old 08-22-2012, 12:19 PM   #6 (permalink)
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I would think he is very depressed and needs mental support. But he has to be willing
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Old 08-22-2012, 12:23 PM   #7 (permalink)
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I know you're right <3 it's just the whiskey talking but it's hard to keep that in mind. When he got to the hospital earlier somehow he got on a phone and surprisingly remembered my cell phone number. Then said to me "I had a heart attack and now I'm at the hospital. You all did this to me." he didn't really have a heart attack. Then when my mom and I got to this room he said "look at me I want you to remember this because you did this" even though we never did anything! It's such a horrible thing to hear from him (even though I know he's wrong and "sick")
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Old 08-22-2012, 12:26 PM   #8 (permalink)
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That's a terrible thing for him to say! That must hurt so badly. But you have to remember that it is his disease talking. He is so blessed to have a family that loves him. I hope he can wake UP and see that, and stop this path of destruction.
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Old 08-22-2012, 12:30 PM   #9 (permalink)
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I hope he wakes up too before its too late :/
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Old 08-22-2012, 12:31 PM   #10 (permalink)
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I hope that your dad gets the help he clearly needs.

It sounds like counselling for you would be really helpful. I think it would be good for you to have someone to talk this through with. This is an awful situation for you.
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Old 08-22-2012, 12:42 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Daughter:

I'm so sorry about your dad and how this is effecting you.

Your mom, and perhaps you, should talk with the doctor and explain the situation completely, including the fact hat your dad is suicidal. This should be done today. Chronic pain, alcoholism and depression can lead to suicidal thoughts, so this is nothing to be ashamed of and certainly not something new to a doctor. The doctor also needs to know the full extent of your dad's drinking.

Right now your dad needs to detox from his heavy drinking and it needs to be medically supervised. Since he has been admitted to the hospital, it would seem that he should not be discharged until he has gone through alcohol withdrawal.

If your dad is suicidal, he is a danger to himself. Once the hospital knows this, they should have a mental health professional talking to him when he is sober. While he may be good at manipulating people, the professionals are also trained to look for this, so try not to worry about him fooling the doctors.

Your dad will need the love and support of both you and your mom over time. I hope that he gets the help that he needs and you and your mom get back the person you love.

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Old 08-22-2012, 12:57 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Thanks Anna <3

SlimSlim, we had to fill out a form because my mom wants him hospitalized. On the form we stated everything but we forgot to put on there how deceiving he can be. The form stated that he will need a 72 hr evaluation if the doctor says so. I just hope my dad doesn't trick him because like I said he is a wonderful actor. No one else besides us knew what was happening or what he is like.

Hes hooked up to an iv to get him sober and they put a calming medicine in there because he was loud, using terrible language and kept trying to rip the iv out and leave (even though he couldn't walk).

He kept saying to my mom "you can't keep me here. I can only be here if I want to be here. You can't go against my will"
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Old 08-22-2012, 01:00 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Oh honey, I am so sorry. You got some good advice here. Hang in there. You are strong.
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Old 08-22-2012, 01:09 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Sweetie, so sorry you have to go through all this.

Your dad is still drunk and is very agitated. If he's been drinking 24/7 for a while, I don't know how he's going to act when he sobers up.

I'm glad to know that you have a high opinion of the doctor; they will do everything they can to help the whole family. You can always give them new information and if you are concerned about his behavior at the hospital, you or your mom can go talk to someone at the nurse's station while the other one stays in your dad's room.

Stay in touch with us here and let us know how you and your family are doing.

Will prayers help?
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Old 08-22-2012, 01:32 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Daughter, your father's behavior is very typical of an active alcoholic. In fact, I've heard almost those exact same words many, many times. And the doctors have treated patients like him before, and they know what to do. It's good that you and your mom gave them his history.

Unfortunately, unless your father gets sober, and gets the treatment he needs, this scenario will be repeated many times in the future. I don't mean to scare you, but I want you to realize the seriousness of the situation and prepare you for what's ahead. It's very important for him to stop drinking.

Have you discussed all of this with your mom? How does she seem to be handling it?
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Old 08-22-2012, 01:34 PM   #16 (permalink)
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Sounds like your father is dealing with a heck of a lot. Chronic pain and addiction is a double-whammy that can bring down the best. My father had serious back pain too and he often said he doesn't want to live the rest of his life with the pain he was in. He also drank to relieve it. He had a surgery a few years ago that really helped him and he is pain-free and no longer depressed. Has your father received proper medical attention for his back?
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Old 08-22-2012, 01:55 PM   #17 (permalink)
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Was your Dad legally prescribed methadone for his pain problem by a doctor?

Why was your Dad's job at stake because of the methadone? Was it because he cannot do his job on methadone due to safety issues? Or was it becasue he was abusing it or obtaining it illegally?

I don't understand why some people who have severe chronic pain problems that responds to opiate treatment, claim they are addicted and have to come off it? As long as their dose does not escalate or they start to abuse it then often there is no other treatment option. Thats not medical advice, just my opinion from experience. I wouldn't expect you to know the answer. It' not your job to so, it's your mums and dad's.

To me he has replaced the pills with booze.
And surely he is at risk of loosing his job through drink more?

He does not mean what he says at all.
He is probably so exhausted from the pain that is relebtless that he is lashing out and know's he should'nt. He's also self medicating with booze which makes everything a lot worse.
To be in pain all the time and having someone (not saying you) questioning his use of painkillers and booze must be hard for him if he struggles every minute.

With the greatest of respect I also think that you need to leave this with the professionals and your mom. I know you want to help and you can, but you need to help yourself first. To have this on your shoulders is not fair, your young.

Have you anyone you can talk to? A friends parent, a counsellor etc who might be able to help you understand all your feelings?

I wish you the best xxxx
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Old 08-22-2012, 02:19 PM   #18 (permalink)
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I just wanted to send you my love and prayers for the future.
I, too, lived with an alcoholic Father. He was prone to incoherent rages and we would come home from school to find him threatening or attempting suicide on numerous occasions. I was seriously scared for his safety and my own. It was a traumatic existence and I can totally understand your pain, fear, hurt and feelings of bewilderment.
Your Dad is very ill. As hard as it is, try and remember that those aren't his real feelings, he is lost to his alcoholism. Don't allow yourself to believe the words he is saying to you.
Please make sure that you have support. Friends, other family members, professional help. Anyone who can listen to the way you're feeling and help you through this time.
You are obviously a very caring loving person and I wish you the very best at this dreadful time xx
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Old 08-22-2012, 02:49 PM   #19 (permalink)
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Prayers your way
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Old 08-22-2012, 05:12 PM   #20 (permalink)
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My Father is drunk every day and I don't even talk to him anymore. It is sad to see how alcohol can completely ruin relationships. BE strong and just remember that it isn't your fault. I have blamed my problems on others many times, but I know understand that The choices I have made are mine alone.
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