Dee74

Welcome

Prayers for you and your family Daughter511....I hope your dad will get the care he needs. In my experience, most places are very good at working out what people need

I think Anna's idea about counselling for you is a great idea - I hope you'll think about it.

D

least

Your dad lives with you? Isn't there anything you can do to keep him in a safe place? Safe for him and for you, I mean. I hope you can see a counselor. You have so much on your plate right now.

Live2Run25

My dad called me drunk saying he was going to kill himself. He thought know one loved him. Once I assured him that wasn't true, he turned himself around, went to rehab, and is almost 3 months sober. Make sure he knows no matter what you love him. He needs that right now.

427

Daughter511: My heart goes out to you. I haven't read all of the posts yet, but this situation is very familiar to me. My ex-husband went through it as well -- 3 back surgeries, alcohol, methadone, etc., and suicide threats (to the point of having SWAT and CERT and the media at our home...). Your dad is hurting, physically and psychologically. Totally agree that you MUST tell the docs that he's suicidal and had a plan (the rope). They will put him on a Hold and observe him. He'll likely kick and scream initially, but once he gets some help he'll likely thank you deeply. He's in a tough position, and so are you guys.

Go to an Alanon meeting or post on here and get some support. It's essential. At least he's in a safe place now.... AND, you really need to take One Day At A Time. Today he's safe so focus on you right now. Drink a lot of water, get support, eat and try to maintain your routine, and lean on friends/family. You'll get lots of support here, for sure.

Sending you huge hugs, my dear! Hang in there!

SettingSunset

I am pretty familiar with alcoholics. Not very good about being the daughter, sibling, or mom of an alcoholic. Don't know what to do because I want to make my son 'better' and I know he has to make himself better. I can't do anything about him and his alcoholism. Very sad.

I read your post and would wonder if your dad is addicted because of the pain? Your dad may have some mental disorder that truly need treated with medication. He is drunk now 24/7. I would wonder if he shouldn't go inpatient to be treated by a psychiatrist and also alcoholism.

tswhite

Just said a prayer and sending lots of positive vibes your way. you guys are in my prayers.

enjoytheride

I'm so sorry to hear about your dad's current situation. You sound the same way I did when I was 21 and my parents were going through the same things - and it's true that he needs help and the hospital is at least a place to start BUT he'll have to want to "change" before anything "works."

Don't let it get you down (easier said than done I know) - the logical part of you clearly knows that he isn't really himself right now!

On a lighter note - one day hopefully your dad will be able to do the same - my father finally hit rock bottom when he went to jail and was forced to go through withdrawals for only 5 days and decided that was it. We are working on getting our friendship back - I had a great relationship too with my dad before the drugs really got to him and I can see it to be possible again. Different, but possible!

Unfortunately the best advice I can give, because I'm still not sure if I've ever handled any situation with my parents correctly, if there is a correct way... is to not be afraid to remove yourself. It sounds like nothing that he's blaming on you is actually your fault and it's probably not your responsibility to fix these things, his health and happiness.

As hard as it is, do not be afraid to remove yourself. I know I repeated myself but it's so important for us to remember that our parents are adults. He doesn't want to be told what to do anyway - One thing I've learned is that trying to offer help or suggestions only sounds like you're giving orders and being controlling to the addict.

Giving him space may be something consider and he will eventually come to his senses. He may not apologize but he will eventually want to stop the madness too.

And I just read your post again so I'll have to say in closing - He can try to lie to and manipulate the doctors all he wants but they know what's up, they went to school for this. The only thing really you can do is hope he's ready to take physical and mental treatment. Good luck to your family!

Daughter511

Thank you everyone for the advice and prayers. My dad stayed at the hospital 24 hours and was mentally evaluated. The psych nurse said that he passed it and that the majority of his feelings/thoughts were due to the alcohol. Some how maybe she is our guardian angel because it turns out she had the same back problem and was in the same route as my dad. She had her back nerves infused and she has never had back problems since. She also enlightened him that there are other medicines out there that are acceptable for his job and she gave us a referral.

My dad is sober for the first time in weeks. I can actually talk to him seriously. He realizes what this has done to our family. My mom and him made an appointment with a new doctor and he is going to get his back fused too.

I pray that he really has saw the light. My mom and I did warn him though that if he starts acting out again that we will have him picked up again and since now it is on record he will have consequences.

When we got home he hugged me and said he was sorry and that he loves me and I'm what he lives for.

But like I said I hope he follows through and it is not only an act. I'll keep you all updated!

Thank you very much <3

Jeni26

Oh I really hope this works out well for you all xx

Daughter511

I also wanted to answer Sasha's question. My dad was prescribed the methadone medication but since his job position at his work was a truck driver(even though he's been off the road for a couple years) he needs his truck license in order to drive trucks in the work yard. In order to have his license he couldn't be on methadone and somehow even though he had been on it for 6-8 years his work told him he had to be off it or he'd lose his job. That's why he cut himself all painkillers and resorted to drinking.

Daughter511

It never made him "act different" or be delirious or unable to function it just stoped all the pain he felt. But since legally he couldn't be on it and have his truck license at the same time he chose work to support us instead of the pills.

427

Daughter511, very glad he got some help. It's so difficult to manage pain, especially w/o drugs! Sounds like you had a fantastic nurse, too! What a blessing! Back surgery is difficult and painful, but a lot of people have been helped by it. Just FYI, too, there's a pain management forum here that I haven't personally checked out, but you might check it to see if there's any helpful info there. Hugs to you guys!!!