I can't change my mind :(
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Coastal Massachusetts
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I think the issue is drinking has been a large part of everything I do in my spare time, and I cannot see life being fun sober. When I think of AA all I see are bums in a basement complaining about how life was not fair (I know that is not accurate.) In a way I feel that I am not good enough and if I did die my family would be better off. My wife could marry someone richer, and my daughter is so young at 3, she would easily forget me.
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Austin, TX
Posts: 61
Originally Posted by walkingwithgod 
I guess I should give up and accept this is me.
Try reading Rational Recovery. There is a lot of great advice in there, including how to handle spouses.
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Join Date: Jul 2012
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Originally Posted by benice
Like Grace said, "If you really want to do it, you will. If you don't you will find an excuse."
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: co
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wwg..
Why would you choose to give up on something as important as this? Its you beast talking. I hope its doesnt take you where it took me. But it is your choice. Good luck and i hope you dont hurt to many people along the way down like I did. Not trying to be mean hearted. I do feel bad for you and your family.
Why would you choose to give up on something as important as this? Its you beast talking. I hope its doesnt take you where it took me. But it is your choice. Good luck and i hope you dont hurt to many people along the way down like I did. Not trying to be mean hearted. I do feel bad for you and your family.
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Midwest
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Sad you want to give up
Polite question....where did you get this view of AA being bums in a basement? I attended AA during the summer of 2010 - the parking lot was crammed with Mercedes , Lexus's etc......I personally just drive a Honda....but you get my point.
Polite question....where did you get this view of AA being bums in a basement? I attended AA during the summer of 2010 - the parking lot was crammed with Mercedes , Lexus's etc......I personally just drive a Honda....but you get my point.
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Originally Posted by walkingwithgod
I think the issue is drinking has been a large part of everything I do in my spare time, and I cannot see life being fun sober.
For the last 5 years it hasn't defined me - I've found a lot more things to define me...I'm happy, I'm healthier and I look forward to every new day. I can look at myself in the mirror again and not be ashamed
Believe me WWG- recovery not about losing anything - it's about gaining everything
In a way I feel that I am not good enough and if I did die my family would be better off. My wife could marry someone richer, and my daughter is so young at 3, she would easily forget me.
When we think poorly of ourselves it's easier to drink, cos noone cares and nothing matters.
But it's nonsense - you have a family who needs you, cares for you and I'm sure loves you very much....and what you do, right now, matters very much too.
Don't throw all that good stuff in your life away. Make good decisions.
D
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: Cheshire, N.W England
Posts: 6,803
Hi again wwg
I've tried many times too, believe me. I didn't mean to sound uncaring in my previous posts, I was just trying to tell you, in my own way, how it is. You have a lovely wife and family and it would be a shame to lose them for the sake of a bottle. Just don't want to see you in 20 yrs at the place where I am now. Life is too short and too precious.
You can be strong enough to do this. You would probably need to make a few life style changes, let fo of some old friends and make some new. Honestly, you can turn your life round and you have all us here to help and talk to.
Hope you come back soon
Big hugs
Gxxx
I've tried many times too, believe me. I didn't mean to sound uncaring in my previous posts, I was just trying to tell you, in my own way, how it is. You have a lovely wife and family and it would be a shame to lose them for the sake of a bottle. Just don't want to see you in 20 yrs at the place where I am now. Life is too short and too precious.
You can be strong enough to do this. You would probably need to make a few life style changes, let fo of some old friends and make some new. Honestly, you can turn your life round and you have all us here to help and talk to.
Hope you come back soon
Big hugs
Gxxx
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 1,145
You didn't fail to say no, walkingwithgod, you chose to say yes.
For me, that's important. I'm not trying to make you feel guilty, but it's so important to take ownership of our choices and actions and believe in ourselves. We choose to drink or we choose not to drink, and lasting sobriety is dependent on the latter. It's time to believe in yourself and your ability to say no. I'm not saying it's necessarily easy to say no, but practice it - go through the scenario in your mind before arriving. Practice saying 'no, thank you' when someone offers you a beer. Get used to choosing to say no. It doesn't come naturally at first, of course it doesn't... we have to replace old habits with new ones and repeat until our new behaviours are the norm.
You are the only person who can get yourself sober. You're the only person who can turn your life around. There are hundreds of people here who've managed just that, and I'm sure if you ask a lot of them then they'll probably say they never thought they'd be able to do it before they did it. The only way you can get sober is by getting sober and sticking with it - that's when you'll find that it gets easier and easier as time goes by.
You do NOT have to drink if you don't want to. Urges, cravings - they're not commands, they do not direct your actions. You are in control if you believe you are in control.
You can do this, wwg. Believe in yourself.
Wishing you all the best.
For me, that's important. I'm not trying to make you feel guilty, but it's so important to take ownership of our choices and actions and believe in ourselves. We choose to drink or we choose not to drink, and lasting sobriety is dependent on the latter. It's time to believe in yourself and your ability to say no. I'm not saying it's necessarily easy to say no, but practice it - go through the scenario in your mind before arriving. Practice saying 'no, thank you' when someone offers you a beer. Get used to choosing to say no. It doesn't come naturally at first, of course it doesn't... we have to replace old habits with new ones and repeat until our new behaviours are the norm.
You are the only person who can get yourself sober. You're the only person who can turn your life around. There are hundreds of people here who've managed just that, and I'm sure if you ask a lot of them then they'll probably say they never thought they'd be able to do it before they did it. The only way you can get sober is by getting sober and sticking with it - that's when you'll find that it gets easier and easier as time goes by.
You do NOT have to drink if you don't want to. Urges, cravings - they're not commands, they do not direct your actions. You are in control if you believe you are in control.
You can do this, wwg. Believe in yourself.
Wishing you all the best.
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Austin, TX
Posts: 61
Originally Posted by walkingwithgod
In a way I feel that I am not good enough and if I did die my family would be better off.
Why don't you ask your wife if she agrees with that silly statement?
Better yet, why don't you watch someone die of cirrhosis. It's about the most horrible thing you can imagine. You will turn yellow, including your eyes, and you will start bleeding all over: in your eyes, mouth, nose, ears, and other places. You do NOT deserve that.
Now, snap out of that silliness and let's talk about getting you sober. What do you think?
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Midwest
Posts: 8,335
WWG,
When I tell myself all the things that are wrong with me and my life, it is like giving myself permission to do nothing, as change seems overwhelming. I find it helpful to pick one thing to improve....today it could be to not drink. Stay focused on not drinking....don't think about clients, free beer, your failures etc.....just think about not drinking today.
When I tell myself all the things that are wrong with me and my life, it is like giving myself permission to do nothing, as change seems overwhelming. I find it helpful to pick one thing to improve....today it could be to not drink. Stay focused on not drinking....don't think about clients, free beer, your failures etc.....just think about not drinking today.
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Southeast US
Posts: 332
Originally Posted by walkingwithgod
I think the issue is drinking has been a large part of everything I do in my spare time, and I cannot see life being fun sober. When I think of AA all I see are bums in a basement complaining about how life was not fair (I know that is not accurate.) In a way I feel that I am not good enough and if I did die my family would be better off. My wife could marry someone richer, and my daughter is so young at 3, she would easily forget me.
My Friday night could have been more "fun," but I did not spend it feeling sorry for myself. Better yet, I'm not spending the next day coming up with reasons that my wife and loved ones could do without me. Your new life will be what you make of it; there's more than one (boring and pathetic) path to building a new life.
I, for one, am glad that I did not wait until I had suffered great loss, or until a doctor told me that I would have to quit, if I wanted to live. For my part, I didn't choose AA as that's not going to work for me. My new life isn't always loads of fun, but it's real, and not skewed by alternate reality that's created by alcohol.
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Coastal Massachusetts
Posts: 1,637
Originally Posted by blueshades
Again, I don't see the "fun" in waking up with anxiety and hangovers, and with dealing with the guilt and feelings of inadequacy that come with the lifestyle.
My Friday night could have been more "fun," but I did not spend it feeling sorry for myself. Better yet, I'm not spending the next day coming up with reasons that my wife and loved ones could do without me. Your new life will be what you make of it; there's more than one (boring and pathetic) path to building a new life.
I, for one, am glad that I did not wait until I had suffered great loss, or until a doctor told me that I would have to quit, if I wanted to live. For my part, I didn't choose AA as that's not going to work for me. My new life isn't always loads of fun, but it's real, and not skewed by alternate reality that's created by alcohol.
My Friday night could have been more "fun," but I did not spend it feeling sorry for myself. Better yet, I'm not spending the next day coming up with reasons that my wife and loved ones could do without me. Your new life will be what you make of it; there's more than one (boring and pathetic) path to building a new life.
I, for one, am glad that I did not wait until I had suffered great loss, or until a doctor told me that I would have to quit, if I wanted to live. For my part, I didn't choose AA as that's not going to work for me. My new life isn't always loads of fun, but it's real, and not skewed by alternate reality that's created by alcohol.
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: Cheshire, N.W England
Posts: 6,803
Been there, done that wwg, too many times. why don't you join our August class? We have a great team on there, some laughs, some tears, but we are all there for each other.
Life is precious, our children are precious.
big hugs
Gxx
Life is precious, our children are precious.
big hugs
Gxx
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