Alcoholic at the age of 21
 

Hello everyone,

I am 21 years old and I consider myself to be a severe alcoholic. It has been 9 months since my 21st birthday and during this time period I have drank, heavily, nearly every single day. I can perhaps recall only 4 or 5 days within these past 9 months where I have not drank. Currently I am drinking roughly a fifth or slightly more of 80 proof whiskey every night. Tonight being no exception, I am heavily intoxicated as I write this.

Honestly I have no idea how I got here. Before turning 21 I drank only on occasion, usually at college parties or social events, and very sparingly. Perhaps once or twice a week at the peak of my drinking back then. Things changed however on my 21st birthday.

I was planning on celebrating at a bar in the traditional fashion, only things fell through. All of my friends were either busy or under aged so I ended up buying a 12 pack of cheap beer at 12:05am at the local grocery store to drink myself. I still remember the cashier checking my ID and saying, "couldn't even wait 5 minutes huh?".

I got home and I remember being excited. I could finally legally buy alcohol. I was now officially a responsible adult... hell was I wrong. I ended up drinking every single bottle, in rapid succession, alone in the kitchen that night. The rest is history. Since that night I have hardly gone a day without alcohol. My tolerance quickly progressing from beer to wine to hard liquor.

I now find myself here. An empty fifth, among many others, on my desk, blabbing to strangers on some forum of which I have no idea what to expect from. I'm not sure if I need support, or others to relate to. All I know is that I need help.

Fortunately not many things have been negatively affected as a result of my drinking thus far. However I am not naive enough to ignore the serious consequences my drinking will most likely bring in the near future. I guess I still am not sure what to expect by posting here tonight. Quite honestly I think I am just scared. I know I can't persist on this dangerous path any longer, I just don't know how to change it.

-Irrelevant

Hi Irrelevant :)

You'll find a lot of help and support here - a few ideas about what to do too :)
My advice is to stick by SR as much as you can - read around, post - look what other people have done, and find the way that makes sense to you :)

Outside of that tho, seeing a Dr is often a good first move. Withdrawal can be rough, especially if you've been drinking regularly for a while.

good to have you with us.
We've all been where you are.

There is another way to live :)
D

I'm so happy for you that you recognized your problem and are seeking the solution.

I've found the community here at SR indispensable to my recovery. The hope, experience and support I receive here helps me stay on track and live free.

Welcome to SR!

Wow I can relate. I got sober at 25. I remember feeling scared because I knew my drinking was not normal. I made the choice not to drink for the day on so many mornings only to be opening a bottle of Makers Mark in the car on the way home from work. I consider myself to be among a very fortunate group of people who got sober at a young age. Many folks go on drinking into their later years and it just gets harder and harder and worse and worse. You obviously recognize you have a problem. Are you ready and willing to do something about it?
I found a new life through AA. Its common for us young folks to feel like there is no fun to be had if we sober up. I have found the complet opposite to be true. I have found real friendship and have experienced the best 4 years of my life since sobering up. Have you considered AA at all? You can find the Big Book of AA online at AA.org. I would suggest reading the beginning chapters to see where you can relate.

There are a lot of folks around here on SR. Undoubtedly many who share experiences similar to ours. Hopefully you can find the answer you need. Wish you the best.

I did the same thing, I was out just after midnight buying beer on my 21st. I drank everyday since. I am 29 and have finally gotten sober.

It's good you are tackling this early on. Welcome.

I feel that God put alcohol in my life in order to bring me through the doors of AA. I found God when I walked in those doors, after searching my whole life for God. I usually call God the Creative Forces, or the LAW, but I am so happy to be an alcoholic right now, or I may never have found that connection.

Irrelevant,

It sucks that this happened, but at least you recognize it and can realize your body/mind was not meant for casual drinking. You can save yourself a lot of grief by choosing to work on your sobriety from this point. I think you are amazing for coming here and realizing you have a problem.

Best to you.

The risks to our health alone is scary, considering our poor livers... But many have recovered and seek sobriety. I work the Alcoholics Anonymous program and their found my freedom from alcohol..

Irrelevant,

It's good that you are recognizing this now. Nip it in the bud before your life spirals out of control. Drinking a fifth of night will end you up no where good. And don't worry about your young age. The first time I went through the DTs when I was 20 or so.

As for stopping I'd suggest making a list of reasons you want to stop and doing some hard core research on where your life is going if you keep drinking. Read through the posts on here and meet with an old alchy if you have to. Do as much as you can to fully understand what is going on and why. That has helped me to stay sober tremendously.

I stopped by going cold turkey at home and white knuckling it. It was hell and in hind sight I probably should have seen a doctor before I did that. Once you detox, you will need to find a "program" to keep to you sober. A lot of folks on here use AA or something similar. I personally use my family and friends as my program. I also keep my self super busy with activities so I don't drink. This wouldn't work for some people; you're gonna have to find what works best for you.

Keep asking questions and posting on SR. It really does help!

Thank you all for the support.

For some reason I still cannot get over how upset I am with myself. The thought that I may never be able to responsibly drink, to have a beer with a buddy after work or at a sport's game, to have a glass of wine at dinner or at a wedding, seems to bother me the most for some reason. I am so pissed at myself. I don't blame anyone or anything for what has happened besides myself. I feel like there is something wrong with who I am and I guess the thing that really scares me is that abstaining from alcohol my entire life only fixes the consequences not my inherent flaw.

I feel lesser of a person for even being an alcoholic in the first place, upset that a few stupid decisions have lead me potentially to a point of no return. Even if I never had another drop of alcohol in my life, it wouldn't change the fact I will always be an alcoholic. I never asked to be an alcoholic. I don't want to be an alcoholic. Hell I don't even have a good reason as to why I am one.

I'm just so confused. This problem has hit me like a ton of bricks. I feel as if I am doomed forever, regardless of my actions.

-Irrelevant

Irrelevant, I wish you luck. I wish you so much more happiness than I'll ever be able to find, myself. And I agree with others that it is absolutely amazing and awesome that you have discovered this problem so early on. "Lowering the bottom" is what I often hear at meetings--in other words, preventing youngsters from the decades or so of hell we experienced ourselves (I won't speak to the blatant text contradiction of absolutely needing to hit bottom to recover, but not needing to, as we can conviently lower it for others).

But, I will say this, I think we are all doomed. All of us born with this malfunctioning chip in our heads. Whether we die in the gutter with a bloated liver and no loved ones, or 'white-knuckling' it for the rest of our lives without a program, or making meetings in church basements a mandatory part of your existence for the rest of your entire freaking life so that you dare not drink, and will always be reminded of your disease. Well, let's face it--all options suck.

You will either join the carefree crowds enjoying a drink on the patio, knowing to do so will cause you and others pain. Or you will dutifully walk by them, wanting to join in but knowing you cannot, because to do so will cause you and others pain.

It's really not your fault the way your body reacts to alcohol, the first drink sets up a craving in you and you can't just stop at one. In AA they say it's like an allergy and who can blame themselves for allergies... Sobriety is not such a bad thing, although it is hard, it is doable... many are going down the same road and we understand exactly where you are...

Alcoholism is not a behavioral issue. No sense in beating yourself up if you are an alcoholic. Its like a diabetic beating themselves up for their condition. No one chooses to become an alcoholic.

I know the way you are feeling. I had a really hard time at 25 accepting that my drinking days were done. But I am now living a life beyond anything I could have planned for myself. AA has done so much more for me than solving my drink problem. It has shown me how to be more content with my life than I ever have been.

Your best years lay ahead of you if you take the actions necessary to recover.

I got sober when I was 17 through Alcoholics Anonymous. It surely sucked that my drinking career had to end so early but for me it was a matter of life and death. I had already made the jails and institutions. The blackouts were frequent, and when I tried to cut back, I found I couldn't. I am now well into my third decade without drinking. Not drinking hasn't prevented me from doing anything I want to in life.

Do you think any of us said "I want to be an alcoholic when I grow up."? None of us have a good reason as to why we became alcoholics. Sometimes in life, there are no answers to the question why, just acceptance of the fact.

Your feelings right now are all a part of the process of coming to terms with alcoholism.

Alcoholism does not discriminate and to be an alcoholic is not a sign of a character flaw or innate weakness; let that ignorant stigma go. Do some research and you will find some incredibly gifted, intelligent and privileged people who have had problems with alcoholism and/or another addiction.

Alcoholics are not the only people who have to abstain from drink in order to preserve their health. Those with liver disease, such as hepatitis, cannot drink. A girlfriend of mine did volunteer work in a prison and contracted hepatitis from an inmate. She had been a social drinker, but can no longer drink. The difference between her and me is that she did not have the emotional and psychological attachment to the importance of drinking.

You are not doomed. Your life will be what you make of it and right now you are miles ahead of many of us here in that you are recognizing things at a young age and have the opportunity to make that big difference in your life.

Go for it!