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Old 08-21-2012, 07:36 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Insecurities


Coming up on 8 months here. I still have tons of insecurities. I'm in AA, working the steps, etc., but these are still there. I would LOVE for them to be lessened. I feel insecure at work, around my peers and supervisors, insecure at social functions.

I've been invited to a girls only party this Friday (fellow alkies) and I'm totally nervous about it! To the point that I really don't want to go, I'd rather just back out of it and head home with my husband as usual.

Anyone else feel this way? What to do?
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Old 08-21-2012, 07:48 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Yeah Lost...I felt that way and still do to a point. I think a lot of it was just that I cared too much about what other people think about me, instead of just being myself, take it or leave it. Personally, I think how you feel is pretty normal for us alkies. Have you considered talking to a therapist about it? What does your sponsor say?

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Old 08-21-2012, 07:48 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Eight month sober is effing awesome. That doesn't sound like an insecure person to me.

There will always be doubts and minor insecurities and groundless fears. They can be dealt with. If you don't want to go out this Friday, don't. But I bet if you overcome this fear you'll have a great time.
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Old 08-21-2012, 07:56 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Many of us in recovery have problems with self-esteem. I was consumed by self-loathing before I came to recovery. I'm still new to this life, and I also feel that fear of being judged or insecurity. But it is a lot less than it used to be, and if I can push past it I almost always feel better for it. Your own thinking can often be your worst enemy.
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Old 08-21-2012, 08:31 AM   #5 (permalink)
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I still get that fear when going around new people. I say a little prayer before and I usually have a wonderful time. I think if you go on Friday, you will have a blast.
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Old 08-21-2012, 08:40 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Hey - thanks everyone. On the positive side, eight months feels great. I'm really proud of myself, and really happy to be where I am in sobriety.

I'm going this Fri, no matter what. I'm telling myself that I can make an excuse and leave if I need to, just show up for 1/2 an hour or something. I'm sure I've blown it up way worse than it really will be.

I hate feeling insecure. I'm trying to work through it though. I see my sponsor tonight and will talk to her about it.
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Old 08-21-2012, 11:32 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lost3000 View Post
I'm sure I've blown it up way worse than it really will be.
This is often where my sick thinking takes me. I project the worst possible outcome and quit before I even start something. Things usually go better than I think. Even if they don't, all you have control over is how you respond and react to a situation.

Good call on talking to your sponsor about it.
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Old 08-21-2012, 11:40 AM   #8 (permalink)
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I had the same issue with insecurities for a short while. My sponsor told me that even though I'd gone through the motions of "Humbly asking my Higher Power to remove my shortcomings" I hadn't trusted Him with them, so I kept taking them back. Wasn't until I became willing to let them go totally that they mostly disappeared. Seems strange to say that I wanted to hang on to them, but considering I'd had those insecurities and shortcomings all my life, they were part of me.

Let them go.
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Old 08-21-2012, 12:21 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Seems strange to say that I wanted to hang on to them, but considering I'd had those insecurities and shortcomings all my life, they were part of me.

Let them go.
Not strange at all. We are used to living a certain way for a LONG time. One guy in my meeting said he didn't want to let them go because he was afraid of nothing being left.

I'm trying, I really am.
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Old 08-21-2012, 12:28 PM   #10 (permalink)
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I have done the "girls night out" stone cold sober. I don't feel like I can or should give advice - as I am coming out of relapse of sorts, but the "girls" were slobbering and loud and so obnoxious that I felt uncomfortable not because I wasn't drinking, but because I was kinda embarrassed for them. Go figure. So, I drove some people home and I felt like a million bucks the next am and went for a long run. Best of luck to you.
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Old 08-21-2012, 01:24 PM   #11 (permalink)
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I have done the "girls night out" stone cold sober. I don't feel like I can or should give advice - as I am coming out of relapse of sorts, but the "girls" were slobbering and loud and so obnoxious that I felt uncomfortable not because I wasn't drinking, but because I was kinda embarrassed for them. Go figure. So, I drove some people home and I felt like a million bucks the next am and went for a long run. Best of luck to you.
Thanks Ashbyee. The "girls night out" is actually being advertised as a "girls night in" and is with my fellow alcoholic friends whom I met in AA.
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Old 08-21-2012, 01:31 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Well done on 8 months Lost x
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Old 08-21-2012, 01:40 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Feeling insecure is why I drank in the first place, so I can completely relate to this post. I'd rather sit at home and be "comfortable" than put myself out there and risk being uncomfortable. Since being sober, i've put myself in some situations I wasn't sure about and i've yet to have a bad experience. I bet you'll have a great time!!
Congrats on 8 months!! That's awesome!!!
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Old 08-21-2012, 02:28 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Well done on 8 months Lost x
Not quite there --- but soon, thank you!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Live2Run25 View Post
Feeling insecure is why I drank in the first place, so I can completely relate to this post. I'd rather sit at home and be "comfortable" than put myself out there and risk being uncomfortable. Since being sober, i've put myself in some situations I wasn't sure about and i've yet to have a bad experience. I bet you'll have a great time!!
Congrats on 8 months!! That's awesome!!!
You have a really good point. Drinking at home alone was something I did everyday. I'm a different person now and need to get out there and do this. Almost at 8 months...thanks!!
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Old 08-21-2012, 03:59 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Wow Lost I cant believe its been 8 months already... Awesome and congrats.

Glad to see your going friday no matter what. I know I would regreat not going if it was me. I do the same thing with over anyalzing things . One that are completly out of my control and two way before they even happen. And most the time it is never as scary or bad as I make it in my silly head.

Have fun, and stay on the beam.
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Old 08-22-2012, 07:45 AM   #16 (permalink)
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Thanks Inda - not quite at 8 months, but almost. I met with my sponsor lastd night and instead of talking about my insecurities, we spent a lot of time talking about my unhappiness at my work. I guess a lot of my insecurities are centered at work. I have huge resentments at my work and am trying to work it out. I'm committed to not doing anything big in the first year of sobriety, so I'm going to stick it out at work until my year is up and then consider a career/job change.

As to the party, I'm playing mind games with myself, coming up with ideas for leaving early if it's really too hard for me. I'm going to give it at least an hour of visiting though. That's fair, right?
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Old 08-22-2012, 08:15 AM   #17 (permalink)
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Lost...I'm on the introvert side, not saying you are. It is hard for me, but I usually find the hardest part is the anxiety we create for ourselves before hand. The actual event is almost almost always not as bad as we make it out to ourselves in our thinking beforehand.

Fellow people such as yourself? I'm betting you want be the only one uncomfortable, initially.

Just my thoughts.

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Old 08-22-2012, 09:50 AM   #18 (permalink)
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Hey Jim, I used to think I was an extrovert, but I don't think so any longer. I think what I thought was extrovert was when I was drinking and thought I was the life of the party. Not so. I'm shy, but do enjoy social situations. So yeah, I'm hoping I'm building it up bigger than it really is, and in the end I'll have fun. Nice to hear from you. Thanks for the post.
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Old 08-22-2012, 10:14 AM   #19 (permalink)
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If these are AA friends, why not confide in them about the way you're feeling? I bet they would be able to relate!

I think everyone (alkie or not) has a deep fear of not being good enough. Sometimes I think of that part of me as a scared little child who needs comfort and understanding. I find it's better to give myself some compassion than judge myself or try to push the feelings away.

I think you're doing great - look at how far you've come already!
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Old 08-22-2012, 12:25 PM   #20 (permalink)
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I think these feelings are pretty normal for anyone in recovery. Some of us take a lot longer than others to over come them. I still have a lot of insecurities but if you work on one of them at a time you'll soon find yourself more confident and one day you'll stop and say "hey! I can do this!"
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