amy55

Didn't want to post here again, and admit this. I almost made a year. Was doing really good. Bought a foreclosure that needed a lot of work, and it was work that I couldn't do. So my contractors were here often. In a way, it was a reason not to drink. They got here at 8:00 am, so I had to be up. I was eating right, lost the extra weight that I wanted to, only problem that I think I really had, was I wasn't really going out. My contractors were here, I had company, was around people.

Even was invited to contractors wedding, and I didn't drink there. Went many places where there was beer, I didn't drink, I don't even like the way beer tastes anymore, but yet I am drinking it now. I guess, I want to say that I don't even know why, but I do know why.

I was in an extremely abusive relationship for over 25 years. I tend to isolate myself, afraid to meet people, but the funny thing here, is when I do meet people, we hit it off immediately, almost all the time. In fact, I don't remember once, that I didn't hit it off,or get along with someone, or them with me. But yet, I still hide, I still isolate. Almost like I am "feral".

So my reason or excuse to drink again was because, and this is really stupid, I don't like to be alone. Contractors are here, I am not alone, landscapers are here, I am not alone, now, my money is running out, so really no reason to get up. I go to my friends house almost every weekend, and stay with them for 1 -2 days. I come back and feel all alone, and I drink. I miss having a family. I never in my life lived alone till last April.

I'm 56 yrs old, and never really lived alone. Ok, when I was married it was almost as if I lived alone, I'll give you that. He was/is an alcoholic, and he would disappear for weeks at a time, but I had my dog.

I live in a really great private community here. There are lots of things to do, we have a lake, an inground swimming pool, exercise room, sauna room, etc..., but I almost never make any use of this.

I'm not an AA person, tried it. Then came home alone, got depressed and drank.

So, was thinking of adopting a mutt. This way I wouldn't be alone, I would be responsible for another life again, would have to get up early, damn, sometimes even without drinking I can just sleep till noontime. About 1 1/2 months back into binge drinking. Also thought that a dog would make me go out and walk around and meet the neighbors. Feel like a dog can help me as much as I can help him.

So any suggestions? Am I crazy to think a dog may help me? I'm just so lonely.

suki44883

I was going to suggest adopting a dog, then when I got to the end of your post, I see you are thinking the same thing! Yes! If you are physically and financially able to take care of a dog, then by all means, get one! Not only will it help you, you will be doing something wonderful for a previously unwanted animal. Great idea!!

amy55

Thank you so much Suki. I have been going back and forth about this for at least a month. Also I was looking into the dogs being rescued from the south to no kill shelters in the north. I am able to do this financially. Would be financially easier with giving up the booze.

2granddaughters

Amy, that really is too bad. I'm retired and love the AA scene. It's a win-win for me. I need it, I love it, I want it.

I suggest you give it another try, get to know some of the good old gals and guys at the groups. It will keep you with people and likely keep you sober as well.

You don't get a dog to get sober. You get sober then get the dog.

All the best.

Bob R

suki44883

Animals bring such joy into our lives. Both of my dogs were adopted. One from the local shelter and the other from a rescue group. I am so totally in love with both of them. I, too, live alone and having these great little mutts to come home to makes me so happy. Their love is unconditional and I think we could all use a bit of that.

CarolD

Not crazy at all Amy....

Pet's are often good for you in many ways
I think that is really a positive idea.

My health and finances are now such that I have no pets.
I do live alone....and love the freedom
to do as I wish with my time.

Sorry you feel AA was not helpful...I find it to be an awesome adventure
I started whem I was 53 ..and went to a noon meeting today...years later...

AA is certainly not the only way to find sobreity.
Even our text book...Alcoholics Anonymous states that.

Please do find something that allows you joy and peace.
Welcome back to SR....

MissLou

Sometimes I think I like dogs better than most people...lol

But they are great company. Now that my kids are grown my dogs give me a good reason not to drink. I'm involved in so many activities with them that can't be done with a hangover!

amy55

I didn't try AA when I first stopped drinking. I was doing OK. I tried it when I thought I needed to be around people. But it made me drink more, because I always felt lonely inside. I think I need to deal with this first. Being around people, then going home to an empty house is my biggest trigger. It's like I get to leave depression behind for a little, then I just get smacked in the face with it again.

I have nothing against AA. Rather enjoyed it. Just didn't want to be alone after it, and didn't want to bring someone home.

Don't know how to explain that

Anna

Well, I'd suggest a cat, preferrably Siamese. Seriously, I think a dog would be a great idea to help you have a positive reason to get up and get going. The love of a pet can be the best thing ever.

RidingHood

volunteer at an animal shelter instead

backbeat

My two little cats bring me all the joy in the world. We're a little family and I love coming home to them. The house never feels empty with them. One is blind, I adopted her that way, and the other is like her "guide". She has a little bell so Lucy can find her. So I guess we're all a little closer than many others are, since Lucy needs a little help. But they love me and I love them and I come home and we eat dinner and play and take weekend naps together When I was drinking I would feel guilty for not really having my stuff together enough to play with them and be home at night.

suki44883

I have a cat, too! Or should I say, I am staff for a cat.

amy55

Actually, eventually, wanted to add in a cat. I was thinking Maine Coon. They are horizontal cats, don't jump much. Reason I am not going with a cat right now is because I do have a screened in porch, on the upper deck. It needs much repair. Wanted to have that repaired first, and possibly plexi glass on the bottom, so that the cat can go out there. This will be done next year.

Also, it's funny, I had bad experience (but not really) with Siamese. When I was a child, about 10, I would sleep over my cousins house, they had a Siamese. That cat would jump on my chest while I was sleeping, and wait for me to open my eyes, then he would bite my nose. (lol)

amy55

Actually thought about that, and still considering that, whether I get a dog or not. It will give me something to do.

I love animals, and they always come right over to me. Is it "animal attraction"?

amy55

I know what you mean. At one time I had my Australian Shepherd, and 3 kitties. This was when I was married. And I must say I felt so guilty when I was drinking. They were looking for love and affection, but so was I. I was looking for it though in all the wrong places. I had it right there, and I couldn't see that.

So all I really did then was to make sure that they were fed, let them out when they needed to go out, cleaned the litter box. I know I wasn't giving love then, but they were giving it to me. All the time.

But, thanks for bringing this up. That was the flip side of the coin. I do not have depression, have situational depression. Looks and acts like the same but it is different.

I love animals, they are just so cute, loyal, trustworthy, but I am afraid that I might hurt one. Don't think I will. But I was depressed when married, I would make sure that they got everything that they needed, but at times I really couldn't give love. I wasn't being loved, I felt unlovable, so therefore, I just made sure that they were OK, but I wasn't really loving.

I haven't seen that part of me since I left my relationship, but I do know that I went there !!!!!!

LoftyIdeals

I'm glad you are back, Amy. Sorry you have had a slip, but its good you are seeking sobriety again.

I love pets, and my 6 mo old Irish Setter, Rosie Red, has a secret nickname I've given her of Rosie Recovery. She's a big part of my recovery and that of my family, although they don't know that's why I wanted her. She's showing us how to love again.

But, I have to agree with some of the comments, like those of Bob's, that a pet won't be the cure. It will be a nice source of companionship, but I wouldn't look for it to be more than that.

Isolating is my comfort zone. And, it sucks. Socially, I'm sometimes like my oldest son, who has to be pried from his room to go out to a restaurant. But, once there, he marvels how the meal is the best he's ever had. It never fails.

I hope you'll reconsider AA. You can make great friends there who will understand you. I get your reluctance to let them too closely into your life. I'm the same way. So do it on neutral ground until you are comfortable enough to get closer. Bottom line, don't isolate.

I hope your kitchen turned out as good as you described! And that your landscaping is awesome as well.

Peace to you, my friend. Keep posting!

Jasmine1313

I love dogs and think they bring so much fulfillment to our lives.

But when I drank too much several years ago, I would tell myself it was because I was lonely. I began rationalizing it all in my mind: Once I met someone, I would ease up on the drinking. It made perfect sense. Why wouldn't I want to drink the loneliness away? Hmmm. I'm married now. I'm not lonely. I don't live alone. And here I sit today with a hangover

amy55

Hi Lofty,

Haven't really been here for awhile, mostly hang out in friends and family, but weren't you in my class of Aug 2011? Could be wrong bout that.

Think I might consider AA again, but woman only. I still have a lot there to work through. I didn't go to woman only, the times that I went, well, it didn't go that well. I was being hit on at every meeting. It gave me the heevie jeevies. It made me afraid !!! So I stopped because I wasn't drinking then without it. But I would go, and I got afraid again. I'm afraid of men, just have a few male friends that I trust. I am feral.

amy55

I went through this also. I see that you just joined here this month. Not trying to analyze or anything like that, will tell you bout me.

I always felt a need, a thirst, for someone to be with me. I somewhat felt abandoned when I was growing up. Felt like I was by myself. Thought if I was married everything would be OK. You're right. pets don't leave. They offer true unconditional love.

I am still in the process of making myself a whole person. Someone who loves me, and doesn't need another person to love me, so that I can feel whole. I'm not quite there yet. But once you can love yourself, and be OK with yourself, then you are free.

Still working on that here

LoftyIdeals

I question whether you are feral or burned. You are doing what I wish my sister had done before her second husband, and subsequent beaus. That is, take time for herself to get to know herself, and examine her soul a bit. Every human needs to do that. Too many don't.

Yes, I was a class of August 2011, and a class of March 2011 before that. I made my year, and so did two others who are in the One Year and Over thread now. Piotr and rs2. I was wondering where you've been.

I hope you'll find a woman only meeting near you. Sorry about the bad experience at your others. I think I remember you saying that now. You may have to go back to another just to find other woman who can tell you the good ones to go to. One of my meetings has a bunch of guys that crowd out the women. I sit there and question whether their interest and compassion for the newcomer is genuine.

I've also seen a non-addiction site called meetup.com, not a dating site, but an interest site, where you can look for things like book clubs, etc.

On the other hand, I've enjoyed miles of desert and lonely highways in my life as well. Reading, contemplation and prayer, etc., have gone a long way. Just be wary of that devil depression, which can pounce if you don't have your guard up.

Again, glad you are back. My avi is my 6 mo Irish Setter, Rosie.