Weasel1966

To those that know me..... I let myself down.

To those that don't.... This is just another post from someone that drank and is regretful.

Not much more needs to be said. Not much can be.

Move on with it.

Try to live life and not simply get through it.

There are so many pressures that I need to eliminate. That means carving out a bigger part of my life so it does not continue to infect what I have left.

I have to dig deeper and get rid of more that I thought was safe.

I feel a deep sense of loss for this but when you have to look at it and say its either them or me..... Well.

Bigger change is needed apparently. No one knows me as a quitter.

So there ya have it.

bbthumper

I feel your pain. Way to get back on your feet again. Many find that in order to stay sober they really need to get to the root of the problem. That root is seldom the drink or the drug. Seems that there is always bigger problems and the drink is the solution. AA showed me a new solution. Not only did I see what my real problem was, I was given the answer to that problem. Havent had a drink or the desire to drink in 4 years. It is possible. Keep reaching out for help. Hopefully you will find the answer you need.

Jeni26

Here for you Ken. Always.

Get back up. It's the only way.

Jen xxx

Anna

I know you're not a quitter and I understand what you're going through. I changed everything it seemed, from the inside out. I had to let go of my beliefs about myself and about others close to me. I had to start from the ground up and figure out what I needed and wanted in my life.

Take the leap of faith and know that you will be able to do this and you'll be okay.

Someguy23

Sorry to hear it Weasel, hope you're not too depressed (or hung over).

Back in the saddle man. You're nobody's slave, least of all some chemical's.

MyTimeNow

((((Ken)))) It's not an easy ride is it? You're definitely not a quitter, reading your journey here has shown this.

Back in the saddle. Onwards and upwards. I know you can do this

Weasel1966

Thank you.

This one hurt a lot because I was so close to a perfect weekend. This is a pattern for me. I need to come at weekends differently. I understand how to help myself on the weekdays.

I posted this weekend about some friends we have and also about being in a relationship where both drink and are trying to get sober together.

I decided the friends need to go. Period. It's a shame but they asked me over and over to drink with them when they knew I was trying to be sober. They are not friends if they do that. I needed to learn that and I got the message this weekend.

Is this their fault? No. It's mine. But they are out and done with.

As for my partner .... Well.... We are working at it. But ultimately if this pattern continues I need to examine the relationship.... That's to sad for me to contimplate fully.

So for now.... Clean house of friends and pick myself up.

Another tough day by my own hand. This is not what I want.

Weasel1966

The worst part of slipping is the guilt. It was so incredibly hard to post this today. Almost impossible.

But had I not I would be alone. Like as in alone alone. And that's not something I can cope with well.

I'd rather put it all on the line.

Jeni26

You will never be alone Ken!!

Never ever stop posting here. Please.
This was never going to be easy. Living with a drinker adds another dimension onto what is already a difficult journey.
You need to be amongst us.

I'm so pleased and proud of you for having the courage to post honestly. And I truly believe you can do this xx

Weasel1966

Jeni.... I won't stop. I cannot stop coming here until I am solid in my efforts. I don't have many in my life that can hold me accountable.

I have to minimize this in my head. Cannot let it get any teeth.

So I will smile... Go in to my meeting today. And try not to feel shame when I look people in the eye.

K

hypochondriac

Guilt isn't a useful emotion Ken. I'm glad you posted

I think being honest with ourselves and setting firm boundaries is really important in recovery. It never ceases to amaze me how I would let other peoples expectations become an excuse for drinking, no matter how subtle it seemed. Don't feel guilty for cutting people out of your life who are bad for you. *Hugs* x

Weasel1966

Thanks hypo.... You said to me what I say to other I am trying to support. It's very much something I need to hear today.

I don't feel guilt cutting them out. In fact I am angry at them for their selfishness in asking me nearly ten times to drink. She is insecure and selfish for it. I did not see this in them until this weekend.

Ultimately I am my own keeper.... So I will say goodby to them and move for myself.

BruceJ

Prayers your way Weasel.
Have you considered jotting your feelings down about this while its fresh in your memory? In time, when things are going great, or not so great, it might be helpful to refer back to your notes to renew your motivation.

Just a thought....have a good day.

Needsassistance

Ken, as other have said, keep our head up. I too am still learning abut myself, my drinking, and my sobriety. It's early for me, but I do know I'll be unsuccessful if I don't have knowledge of my drinking triggers and my offsetting supports. To me so far it's all about being on guard, never resting on my sobriety, and always having a plan... Understanding that i cant plan for everything is where the support is most needed. This forum is a part of the support I'm going to need going forward. Yesterday is over, make today a good day!

tomsteve

guilt is terrible. i was a great one for saying " its my fault. i',m a f**kup" even when i had no part in it. i had to drop the word fault from my vocabulary and accept accountability for my part. i didnt do what i did and make the choices i made because i was a stupid, dumb, or bad person. i made them because i was a sick person.

there is a major difference between quitting and surrendering and the only way i could win the battle with alcohol was to surrender and there aint a darn thing wrong with surrender. its the only way i could get weller and stronger.

fallingtogether

i slipped up again last night too. but its done and over with... pick yourself up and move on. we are human, we make mistakes. we can get thru this!!

Hevyn

Ken, sending you love and encouragement. There's no doubt that you can figure this out and get it done. Regarding the guilt, please do not go there. It held me down for so long - it's a useless emotion.

As for being reluctant to post this - it's what SR is all about - sharing the journey, no matter what. You are never alone, and I commend you for reaching out. It says so much about you - and what the end result will be.

You're doing this thing, Ken - it's all part of the process - be patient & kind to yourself.

MyTimeNow

I'm really glad you posted Ken. I know from experience how easy it is not to want to admit it, to cut yourself off and before you know it - back on the slippery slope. Well done for being brave and addressing it straight away.

Certainly sounds like you are better clear of your 'friends' It screams to me that they (or she) has an issue too and feels oh so uncomfortable drinking when other's aren't.

You've got this figured. You will get there

Weasel1966

I cannot tell you how much your support means to me. I have been doing so much better in almost every aspect. I will continue to improve.

This will not hold me back but it is something I needed to share.

I think the emotion I feel is not guilt as much as it is sadness.

I am a strong person. Just yesterday I had no more strength when I was faced with things.

I even executed my plan many times this weekend. I will amend the plan and go at it today. We all know we only have this moment.

Love you all!

Ken

Hope4Life

Leaving behind your drinking buddie's is a necessary part of your sobriety. It is hard to leave behind the folks you once considered friends but when you get down to it.... if they would do that to you they are not your friends.

A few years ago, when I walked away from the bar scene, I redefined my criteria of what a true friend is. At that point, I was sick and tired of all the drama and bs that goes along with being a bar fly. Anyone who would talk to me or drink with me was my friend at that point. When I walked away and NO ONE called, it taught me a lot about friendship. I finally realized that, in fact, you CAN have too many 'friends'.

Take a look at what your definition of a true friend is.

Thanks for sharing with us. Keep your chin up today and know we are here.