keeponkeepingon

Hi all. I've become aware of these forums through a few Google searches over the last few years, and last night I decided that I would finally make my first post. Through the posts I've read, and all of the great information that has been shared throughout the site, I have made a big step ... I've admitted to myself that I have an alcohol problem.

A bit about myself: I'm 26, gainfully employed, in a committed 4+ year relationship, and carry a family history of alcoholism (including my awesome mom who is successfully in recovery through AA). About 1 1/2 years ago, I went out with friends and got hammered. I blacked out at the bar, drove my car, and somehow ended up sleeping on a sofa (even worse, the sofa of a male acquaintance who I had some history with). My BF was hurt and furious that I would do something so irresponsible and dangerous and I was ashamed and disappointed with myself. We almost broke-up. I started seeing a therapist for about six months. My therapist did not think I had a drinking problem, but instead was acting out on some other issues I have with anxiety and depression.

I promised my BF that that situation would never happen again and it hasn't exactly. However, about half a dozen times I have gone out with friends, had too much to drink and then driven when I should know better. My BF has called me out on my behavior, and I continue to feel guilty about my lack of self-control ... At this point my BF has said, "This can't happen anymore or we're through." The first time I drove home with a buzz and we argued about it, I told myself I would be more careful. It has become less-frequent but continues to happen. I go out with good intentions and gradually lose my focus; I just end up following the same cycle.

Obviously, I've been worried about my problem with alcohol since my black-out experience. I have a period of good behavior, and then without blinking an eyelash I find myself back in the same place and feel like I'm not trust-worthy. I'm horrified by the idea that I could lose a relationship I cherish just because I can't behave responsibly. After growing up around alcoholism, I worry that I'm falling into a deep problem that runs in my family, but I don't know if I'm ready to seek sobriety. For now I'm seeking help by learning more about the different forms of problem drinking, trying not to compare myself to others and doing a lot of deep thinking. Thanks for listening.

Anna

Hi and Welcome,

I'm glad you posted, but I'm not sure there are different forms of problem drinking, or I guess you're wondering whether or not you're an alcoholic?

To me, the label doesn't matter. What happens to you when you drink? It sounds like, quite often when you drink, you cannot stop. You black out and lose control and do dangerous things. If you cannot control your drinking and it's causing problems in your life, stopping drinking seems like a good thing to do. I hope you decide to live a sober life.

bbthumper

Welcome Keepon!
I am a sober member of AA. Have been drug and alcohol free for 4 years now. AA was just the answer I needed. Millions upon millions of people world wide have recovered from alcoholism through the 12 steps of AA. It may be helpful to you too! Most of the literature is available online. I suggest reading the beginning chapters of AAs Big Book. THere is a PDF version available for download at aa.org. If you can relate to whats in that book, even just some of what is in there, AA may be a good start for you. You can find meeting times and locations if you just google search AA in your area.
Many others have recovered via other methods which you will probably hear about.

Wish you the best!

candi7

Your therapist may not be an alcoholic or may be a normal drinker. Only you would be able to identify if you yourself are an alcoholic. Although you do have some good aspects of your life, if you are not careful, you could lose them all. Boyfriends come and go, some love us drunk, some can't tolerate us sober or we are blessed when they stay by our side and walk beside us. Whether he's there for you or not, you should consider your and your issues with drinking. Maybe you should consider going to an AA meeting...

Auvers

Hello KeepOn, it's good you found this site and have been reading. Your issue with alcohol is causing you to put yourself and others in a great deal of jeopardy since you are driving under the influence. Sure hope you will commit never to do that again, the consequences could be terrible. If you cannot control your decision-making about when you drive and where you sleep and how much you drink, then there are some big bad things waiting to happen. The solution seems pretty simple and the benefits you just would not believe. Over two months sobriety has been the best thing I ever did for myself. Hope you find a road that leads you away from what is causing your problems.

whoa

I'm a week into this and just like you - 27, great job, etc. I was drinking until I blacked out and doing dumb things. Drove drunk a number of times, never got caught and my wake up call was doing it with minors in the car who weren't drinking. I woke up the next day and really thought about what COULD have happened. I could have ended up hurting them, someone else, getting arrested and flushing that great job down the toilet. The way things were going I knew I had to quit before something worse did happen - I've had too many close calls not only with that, possible alchohol poisoning, vomiting in my sleep....I don't want to see the day when that catches up to me and something does go horribly wrong. If I kept it up it would just be a matter of time. I'm quitting for now because I just can't drink like a normal person. Allowing myself to try and moderate an have one or two just leads to those kinds of nights eventually. I'm not in aa, don't drink every day or before work - but alcoholism does run in my family and I've just decided I'm a better person without it. It wasn't helping my relationship, my body, or my job. No more working through hangovers. I'm glad I realized before it was too late and I hope that you do too. I don't think alchohol is evil - but if you can't handle it and it's damaging relationships and putting you into bad situations it's just not worth it. It might have seemed harmless in college - but at 27 I just have too much to lose.

fallingtogether

Welcome keep! We all have had to come to our own conclusions. Personally, I know in my heart of hearts that I am an alcoholic, I have a hard time saying it out loud though. I know I have made some really sh***y decisions when I have been drinking. Things that I would never say or do sober. I have also developed incredible anxiety because of my drinking. I am trying to get the strength to stay on a path of a better life. I am excited to think of how my life is going to change for the better!!!! I have a husband and kids that will reap the rewards of my sobriety, but I am not doing this FOR them, I am doing this for me, because of me. I am back at day 1 again, because I wasnt strong enough to say no, so its a lesson learned. I can do this and you can too! Best of luck and keep posting!!!

TorontoGuy28

Welcome !

Don't rely on a therapist to diagnose your alcoholism. Majority I've met with in the past were clueless when it comes to this disease.

Sounds like you had enough ?

Alcoholism is progressive and like you, I also had a genetic predisposition to it.

I strongly suggest you attend an AA meeting or two, listen and learn.

Best of luck !

keeponkeepingon

Thanks to everyone for the support. I am seriously considering attending an AA meeting; we'll see how that goes. I've been to AA meetings and Alanon meetings in the past (with my Mom who is recovering). To be honest, I don't feel that it would be a system I could embrace due to my personal beliefs and spirituality. Regardless, I do think that it could be like a "scared straight" sort of thing for me and I think it's time for me to put some serious thought into what my life might be like if my problem with alcohol persists.

I think I've had a hard time being able to admit that I have a problem with my drinking because I'm young, have friends that drink harder and more frequently than I do, and up until recently I thought I was doing well at controlling my drinking.

This forum is encouraging me to re-evaluate what a drinking problem is .. the fact that I'm sitting here thinking about alcohol is relation to my life and my goals shows me that I have a personal problem that I need to deal with. I've never missed work, ruined a friendship, or showed any signs of a physical addiction BUT that does not mean I'm free-and-clear. Big step for me. Again, thanks everyone. I'll be around

suki44883

It only takes one time drinking and driving for a disaster to happen and your entire life can change. In addition to that, you can drastically change the life of another innocent person. You may not have missed work, ruined a friendship, etc., but you are on the verge of losing your 4+ year relationship.

Labels don't matter. It sounds like alcohol is a pretty serious problem with you and whether you identify as an alcoholic or not, things aren't going to get better on their own. You are going to have to take the reins and fix this problem. No one can do it but you.

bbthumper

Glad you are considering giving AA a shot. The great thing about AA is that whatever your beliefs are you are welcome and the steps can work for you. AA does not require you to change your spirtual beliefs at all.
Good luck to you!

benice

Glad you're here reading and posting. I really believe in the designated driver! I tell my kids to Never, Never, Never get in a car with a driver that has had even one. Clearly a mom posting here!

Kudos to you for dealing with this head on.

Hugs and prayers...

hypochondriac

Welcome to SR keeponkeepingon

If you had a problem where you were drinking too much and texting/phoning people I would say fine, think it over for a bit... maybe you're not an alcoholic and you don't really need to 'seek sobriety'... but you drove! This isn't really about you anymore, it's about all the other people you are putting at risk. I'm sorry if I sound harsh but I kind of think this is serious.

Regarding the age thing. I think I knew when I was 17 that I was an alcoholic. And I know there are quite a few people knocking around here who got sober in their early 20's. You don't have to wait for something catastrophic to happen before you consider quitting x

imaginepeace

I agree with you about AA. It's simply not for everyone. I was fortunate enough to find an Agnostic/Atheist group and have my first meeting this week. I'm only 10 days sober, but feeling okay. I wish I had stopped at your age when I knew I was in deep, but I didn't and now I'm in WAY deep. That said, finding a good support system for yourself is really important. I told my kids, husband, parents and best friends that I was checking myself in and going through detox. I do a daily journal email to them to keep me on track. And, one thing I do truly appreciate about AA is the philosophy "One Day at a Time". That is the absolute truth. To think about it for more than even that long is too overwhelming.

You sound very mature and ready to take the steps you need for yourself. Good luck to you!

IndaMiricale

I drank and drove daily for decades.. And am so unbelievably lucky that I didnt hurt or kill someone.

And a reminder of that, and what I need to do everyday, is I attended a funeral of a 25 year old today. He and his friend died due to drinking and driving.

Its a risk that you cant imagine the concequences of...

Pigtails

Welcome. It sounds to me from your first post that you are putting alcohol over your boyfriend. You know drinking is a problem for you yet you continue to do it despite the consequences. I believe that's one of the definitions of alcoholism....

Also, if your therapist said you made these bad decisions based on anxiety and stress, does she/he not realize that alcohol contributes to and/or causes these things?

I'm just trying to give you some tough love. Your second post sounds like you're ready to do something about this. Good for you. Best wishes.

Pigtails

That's a good idea but sadly sometimes the DD ends up getting drunk. :-/ in my group of friends (when I was drinking) we'd take turns saying we'd be DD but more often than not that person would have one too many "one more"s, and/or think we were "fine to drive" when we weren't... And the rest of us would be too drunk to pay attention/care.

Zencat

I'm in AA, I'm also an atheist with a naturalistic spirituality. I have no need to change my worldview because of being in AA. I even work the steps from a secular perspective.

I feel the same, some AA members are a good example of how a life long illness of alcoholism can ravage the mind/body. BTY I'm one of those examples.

Being a regular participant here at SR is a good recovery method. Read, post ,reply, receive encouragement/support and encourage others to progress in their recovery, will all help you reach your goal.