Weasel1966

I really like the idea of writing how I feel down at this moment and I did do that.

I am going through all the same things each time I slip. None of this is worth it.

With each mess up recently I have notice changes in me. I am going longer between them and I do forget this feeling. The panic I have. The sense of fear for my future.

Maybe I can share a few of the low lights.

I drank a whole bottle of vodka.
Don't remember anything I did after a certain point.
I am shaking.
I am scared.
I am light headed.
I am disappointed

This is a list we read of everyday here. I thought I was not going to have to post about another slip. But I have some more work to do.

gincognito

Sounds like a helluva weekend. Try not to hang onto the shame and guilt it doesn't really do anything for ya. Keep moving forward and do what you need to do to get where you need to get. I don't know what works for you but for me it's more meetings and networking in the program. Sounds like you need to take a realll close look at the relationship too. As much as I complain about being single I think it's made it easier to get close to people in the program and consequently find strength there...

Jeni26

Big hugs being sent your way Ken xxx

Hevyn

Ah yes, I remember it well.

It never has to happen again, Ken. Thankfully, our disease doesn't doom us to an early death - the way some others do. You may be stronger and more determined than ever after this.

Needsassistance

Weasel,
What your describing is a frame of mind I remind myself of everyday as a positive in sobriety. I the 30days I've been sober. Haven't had that hung over feeling, quickly followed by the what the hell did i do last night anxiety, whic would be followed self hatred and guilt. Hang in there, yesterday's over, learn from it and move on dont beat yourself up...Here to support in any way I can....

NoFireWater

Hey Ken, The sadness and guilt are just feelings, and they will pass quickly. They don't have the power to make you abandon a great plan that has worked 98% of the time for you. It's like water skiing, at the beginning you fall when you're trying to learn. Then one day you get up and stay up because you've got the hang of it. The falls become a distant memory and you soar across the water-wonderful feeling! You'll have that again soon.

Drink some water, make a list of where the plan went awry, take a nap, and
get back on track. Write down how miserable you feel after slipping and use it as a future reminder-it's easy to forget how bad we feel physically because after a few days not drinking we feel great again. It's the sneakiest part of the disease in my opinion. We all know you can do this!!

As for the friends, it's a shame that you have to eliminate friends to make this work. I really hate that about this process. It may be a temporary thing while you become stronger. I agree with others though, if the friend is that selfish that they can't support you in your efforts then maybe the break is a good thing.

candi7

First off, don't be too hard on yourself and live in the moment-moments at a time-don't try to have to many expectations other than 1 day at a time.

Weasel1966

Thanks everyone. The plan was to not associate with drinkers this weekend. That means plans made a while back should have been cancelled. That's what I did wrong.

I would never have drank this weekend if I cancelled with those friends.

New plan.... Everything from the old plan and actually execute on what I already know.

Getting to the angry part of the day after.

candi7

I feel as long as we learn from our mistakes, learn something from each day-they we are growing and moving forward. It's not how many times we fall-but if we get up. I'm so glad you got up!

Hollyanne

Building on NoFireWater,
"It's hard to soar like an eagle, when you fly with turkeys"
Just really like that saying, had it on my pencil-case as a kid.
You just keep at it Weasel.

mecanix

drinking like that could kill you anytime at all, you have so much of a glorious life and love to give to this world, experience to share with those only starting out .

Be bold, don't look back, choose life and choose to live free, ride those up's and downs, it's the ride of a lifetime .

Reguards, M

Weasel1966

I am starting to feel better physically. I stil feel weak, nauseous and shaky but coming around.

Mentally I went easy on myself today. I will go easy on my partner tonight.

Next time someone keeps asking me to drink I will totally remove myself from the situation. But they are the last of the drinking friends so hopefully that will not be the case.

New friend requirement: must be sober

K

benice

Oh I feel your frustration Ken. So here's what I did this weekend - brought my own. First we went to a friend's house and I walked in with a very large lemon water (Vitamin Zero) and it was a good thing. She knew I was not drinking, but had nothing other than alcohol to offer. It just didn't cross her mind. So, I had my own and no harm done. The next event was a party where no one would have noticed what you were drinking, but I just felt safer having my own in hand as I arrived.

Sending prayers...

neferkamichael

Hi weasel, you are always here and you never give up so it just a matter of time before you get it all behind you.

CaiHong

Glad you are feeling better Ken. You will get ther, I can feel the determination in your posts.
Follow the program read the BB.

Love
caiHong

ReadyAndAble

Good. Because in my opinion, guilt and shame are counterproductive to the point of qualifying as AV. You're no less qualified to succeed than you were before this happened. If you take away the right lessons, you'll actually be stronger for the experience.

I'm really sorry those guys let you down. I'd feel completely betrayed in your position. To push it on you, knowing what they knew? Unbelievable.

As for being around people who are drinking, I avoided situations like that during the first couple of months. I later became comfortable being around it. In the long run, I've found that recovery opens many more doors than it closes. Keep your eye on the prize. This isn't about giving up; it's about getting back.

Weasel1966

RAA

Thanks... i have matured in my understanding of myself in this process with regard to drinking. I am better able, in this situation, to see what the dynamic was that got me there and what I needed to avoid.

I feel great today... back on track in my head and heart.

What has done it for me is I have said no enough times now that it feels better to say no and get that reward than it does to say yes and feel the pain.

That balance and learning has never been there before. This was a reminder.

The support and love I felt yesterday and always from people here is worth more than I can express. I am back on my feet because of it.

Have a great sober day!

Ken

Grace2

Hey Weasel

I am in just the same boat. Back on day 3. Someone once said to me 'Falling down is not failing, staying down is failing'.

Like I am trying to do, put yesterday behind you and focus on today.

We will so do this!!

G

MuttisGirl

Hi Weasel.... this post you put up hit me square in the face. It has put some things into perspective for me. My fight is not so much letting go of those who do not understand or support... but having the guts to accept and embrace those that care about me. Over the past while I've realized I'm starting to isolate and this is not good.

Thanks for your post!

Weasel1966

Mutts.... Good for you!

I never thought about it the way you just said so I get something out of this too.

I need to accept good people that love me and get rid of the ones that could care less about me.

At the hieght of my addiction I would only surround myself with "lesser" mindsets.

I could not accept that I was lovable so I rejected healthy relationships.

Thanks for making me thomk of that today. I needed it.

Ken