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40 days sober - but this isn't getting any easier.

Being free of alcohol doesn't seem to make anything better - only more miserable.

My wife seems perplexed that I don't want to go to the pub on a Saturday night, stand in a queue for 15 minutes to buy a (non-alcoholic) drink that I don't want (for a grossly inflated price), and then make conversation with a load of drunk people.

I seem to have become very boring....

Willpower still isn't the problem for me - it's the fundamental decision as to whether life is better without alcohol.

How long is it before I feel the benefits?

Why did you quit 40 days ago?

My suggestion is to know that you need to make changes in your life. Stopping drinking is only the beginning. Make plans to do something else on Saturday night. Go to a movie, go for a walk, call a sober friend, do something different and you will see the benefits. :)

Hi again pyjamarama :)

I think this is different for everyone... I know for me I still considered 40 days as hangover recovery. I felt sick and my emotions were all over the place. I certainly wouldn't have been going to any pubs! I would have just sat there feeling sorry for myself because I couldn't drink while at the same time really not wanting to.

I think remembering why you quit in the first place really can help. And some kind of support is vital really, whether you get that from posting more on here or going to AA/SMART or getting some counselling... Or even from just reading a book like Rational Recovery or Allen Carr's Easy way to stop drinking.

I don't thing stopping drinking magically solves all of our problems. I think that it sometimes requires us to put a bit of effort in. I know that I have been trapped in some bad ways of thinking which make drinking seem like the only viable option as a coping strategy. It's not, but I need to work on the other methods before I can just hang out with other drinkers and expect myself to be happy about it.

I also agree that remembering why you quit is a good tool. In addition, can you also figure out why you ever started to drink? Thay may also be very powerful. The reason that you started to drink is likely still somewhere within you and may still requires attention. Only difference is that now you can "feel" it and must learn to deal with it since the alcohol is no longer covering it up. Tough part is that some of us have a hard time understanding why we drank. Discussing with others may help us to figure it out though.

Just my $0.02 cents worth.

What benefits are you seeking ?

Aside from not picking up a drink, what else are you doing to make your life better ?

Never question your decision to quit.

This sort of thinking/questioning is a beginning of a relapse...

Hi pyjamarama.

I think it's natural to feel what you are feeling. Going from spending much time drunk and feeling like the most sociable being on the planet to being sober and not quite sure what to do with ourselves is a transition that everyone has to make. You're not yet used to your new life. Alcohol causes major ups and downs, it makes people chat freely and intensely, it makes people feel that 'connection', and we're bound to feel like we miss that at the beginning... what we don't remember is that it destroyed so much, too. When I first got sober I felt like I'd given up everything 'fun' in my life - my friends, my hobby, my favourite places... etc, but it doesn't have to be like that, at all. What I actually did was give up all the negativity alcohol caused - arguments, depression, embarrassment, shame, guilt... and when I'd come to terms with the fact that I could keep all the positives that alcohol seemed to cause, but just do them sober, I couldn't believe I hadn't given it up sooner.

Whether your life is better without alcohol is only something that you know yourself. But just one thing: go back to the day you gave up alcohol. Try to feel all that you felt and remember all the reasons why you gave it up, what it was doing to you. Are you better off now than you were in that moment?

Since you're new to SR and have just started posting, I don't know much about you and your drinking beyond your age.

You are giving part of your answer in your post..."...it's the fundamental decision whether life is better without alcohol", yet you are not happy to "make conversation with a load of drunk people."

I am also 56 years old and a professional. The biggest challenge I face with sobriety is finding enrichment in my life to fill the time and energy that was devoted to drinking. I am a single parent with the last twenty years dedicated to working and raising a child. As drinking took over more and more of my life, I lost interest in so many things and have a limited social network. This all has to be rebuilt. At a time where most people are settled in their lives, I have to make major changes so that I do have a life.

Part of recovery is introspection. What do you want out of life and how do you intend to get there? Just being sober isn't going to magically change your life; its one piece of the puzzle that will help you to do other things that will in turn change your life.

Congrats on 40 days sober.

You say you are “more miserable”. Just a hunch, but could it be that you were drinking to medicate depression? It would not be unusual.

Living in the uk is a right rip off, in my local pub, its 2.89 for a glass of cola but 2.50 for a pint of beer. And the cola is always nearly flat.

I also was just beginning to start to come out of the fog at 40 days. But my thoughts,emotions, and feelings were all over the place.

For me I use AA and using the steps and fellowship is what taught and showed me a way to happy sober living. And now over a year later I have more friends then I thought a person could have.

:)

Well, yes. If i still went to the pub since I quit drinking, i imagine i'd be pretty miserable too. You have to get away from that scene. It's all the things i'm able to do now that make my sobriety worth it. Knowin i'll never suffer another hangover is an amazing feeling. I don't understand.. does your wife drink? That would be a problem for me.

Hi pyjamarama
keep out of the pub mate,its too early yet,i had a weekend with friends in Poland in the first 30 days i had given up,they were in the pub by 2pm,the Vodka started flowing after the beer.I was sat there with an energy drink,felt sorry for myself,out of place,i didnt enjoy it one bit,the Poles couldnt understand why i was not drinking,it was a nightmare.
It isnt easy mate,i,m 60 days now,still tearfull at times,good days bad days mate.
Just have to keep at it.