walkingwithgod

I hate to bother people with my posts, but I feel the need to write. I am so ashamed of myself and seem to be getting worse. I have sober days and love them, and the way I feel the next day. Then I have days where all I do is think of alcohol, and I drink. At 34 I feel an embarrassment to myself, wife and daughter. I have no idea why I don’t stop even though I know what it is doing to me. Sorry I had to post.

Sapling

Let me ask you a question....You seem like you want it bad enough....What are you doing to get alcohol out of your life for good?....Better yet...What are you willing to do?

walkingwithgod

I have no idea what to do, so lost and embarrased. I hate admitting I have a problem and scared to live sober.

Weasel1966

The very nature of addiction is expressed in your post. Our drinking or thoughts of drinking when we don't want them. Please know theat you are normal in many respects.

Never be sorry to post. That's why each of us is here. That's why I am here.

Embarrassment and shame are things that come along with being an alcoholic. They are the emotions that keep us in the bad place. If you can over the next few days out them as far down as possible. Let them go. Try to focus on your wife and daughter... And most important yourself.

Does your wife know of your struggles? If not maybe not hiding it will relieve you a bit.

Are you doing anything actively to stay sober? aVRT AA any program? It is a tool that most need to get and stay sober.

Again... Post post post all you need or want! We are hear to listen and help.

Ken

B

Sapling

You know....For me....Finally admitting it to myself was the real start for my recovery...And I was hopeless....I thought I was done. I walked into an AA meeting and introduced myself as an alcoholic....Then I went for 90 meetings in 90 days...Found a sponsor to show me how it works and I haven't had a drink in over a year....I couldn't live like that any more...It was killing me. So I'm telling you....If you want it bad enough...This works.

MrsKing

walkingwithgod, in the beginning it is normal to think about alcohol a lot. I probably thought about it 10 times a day, maybe more. The thing is, you just have to come to terms with the fact that this is going to happen... what makes the difference is how you deal with those thoughts and cravings because they are bound to be there, no matter what you do. The only way I was able to get rid of those cravings was by understanding that they were the addictive side of me, whereas the rational side of me didn't want to drink (like you say - you love your sober days, so that is clearly what you really want) - cravings are not commands and you don't have to act upon them. You can listen to them and you don't have to fight them... but that doesn't mean that you have to do what those cravings want you to do. The longer you stay sober, the less you will crave and think about alcohol. Trust me on that. You just need to have some good sober time behind you and everything will seem a lot easier.

Wishing you all the best.

mecanix

For me shame and guilt play no useful role in recovery other than to point me towards those things that I need to learn about, work on and resolve. I believe this to be a universal truth .

Keep on posting, I believe it's only by sharing and learning new ways to deal with stuff that we make progress .

In my experience my alcoholism only got worse untill i accepted i was an alcoholic and all of my life was out of my control. Only when i was willing to humbly beg for a way out , only then did i have an epiphany and i realized i never had to drink again and it "lifted" off me.

348 days later and as long as i stay humble in acceptance and work on making my life as glorious an affirmation of love and hope i can, i've found alcohol's call as annoying as a house-fly .

I hope you find your way, If i can do it so can you ,

Bestwishes, M

walkingwithgod

I am taking my daughter to my parents a few states away for 3 days, because my wife is going away with friends. I guess this will give me a chance to stay sober, and can maybe be the begining. I hate the way my wife and parents and others look at me when I am being me. But, no one says "hey you are a drunk, you need help."

2granddaughters

Today's "24 hrs A Day" addresses your original post......

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...hours-day.html

This has been my experience and I daily get down on my knees to surrender.... not fight.

All the best.

Bob R

2granddaughters

I'll say it... you should say it too.

I wish you the best.

Bob R

RobbyRobot

I didn't initially stop because I hungered for what drinking did for me, which was get me drunk. As a drunk, my life just made more sense to me, I felt I was me, you know?

Of course, alcoholism takes its toll, and eventually, its die as a wasted drunk or sober up, and get on with the business of living a sans-alcohol life.

My alcoholism created a mental obsession to staying drunk. I had to face my problem, and my problem was not just getting drunk. I also had a living problem that i escaped from into alcohol to be drunk so as not to face up to my living problem.

Alcohol was a working solution for me until it wasn't.

Sounds like alcohol is not working as well as it once did, yeah?

Keep posting and sharing.

doggonecarl

I think you do know what to do. You've had hundreds of replys to your posts. Many offering the same advice, over and over.

And there it is. The reason you can't act on what you know you have do. Come out of the shadows, my friend. If you keep up the facade that you don't have a problem with alcohol, the problem festers, gets worse. Your shame will get worse, the drinking worsens...believe me, I know.

Do the things you have to do to further your recovery, which means you have to let go of this secret and the embarassment it is causing you. There is no shame in getting sober.

Prayers out to you.

mfsteve1

For me shame and guilt play no useful role in recovery other than to point me towards those things that I need to learn about, work on and resolve. I believe this to be a universal truth .

Keep on posting, I believe it's only by sharing and learning new ways to deal with stuff that we make progress .

Amen! I have never found shame or guilt of any value (YMMV).

I wanted a peaceful mind as a reward for abstinence. I have that now. The only thing I have to do to keep it is not drink today. There is only today for me.

walkingwithgod

I feel like how can I be or have the same addiction that I see in street people. I have this issue that only the poor and low class are alcoholilcs. I know that is dumb, but I can't admit it.

Weasel1966

Humility is a key factor in addressing addition.

Additcion knows no boundaries. For you to say lesser peoPle only deal with it is to allow additiction to continue for you. That right there is additiction telling you don't give me up.

I am no street person. Neither are most all of us. They tend to not have commuters to post with.

You are not a low life for addiction. Look at the many prominent people who have it.

Put that aside.... Put your head up. And ask for help. You are not alone!

MrsKing

For a long time, I didn't want to admit that I was an alcoholic either. Like you, I had the typical stereotype of what an alcoholic was in my mind and I didn't think I was that person. But look around you on these boards... can you not see how there are alcoholics in all walks of life? Of all ages? Of all races, sexes and social classes?

Admitting that I was an alcoholic and that I had no other option but to quit drinking was the moment that my life changed, and instead of resisting change and sobriety I embraced it. It was no longer something that I didn't particularly want to do, was worried/scared/anxious over ... it was urgent and actually, admitting that I was an alcoholic was the most liberating thing I've ever done.

RobbyRobot

How interesting. I'm from the street. Surprised?

Its not dumb to think what you're thinking okay? Its just not enough of a reason to not open up your mind to the possibilites of what kind of a life do you really have now, and what kind could you have without alcohol.

An open mind is a wonderful thing to aquire in its own right.

mecanix

Perhaps it's possible you've got the rich high class alcoholism like Eric Clapton or Betty Ford ?

RobbyRobot

soberjim

Walking...I understand exactly what you are going through. Admitting to yourself that you have a problem is hard. Your addictive side doesn't want you to come to that conclusion. It obviously wants you to keep feeding it.

While I am very new to recovery I can say from my experience and reading others posts that many people get caught in this stage. Personally I have spend the last 2 years in this dance. I am finally ready to admit to myself that my drinking is a problem. I think this is important because acknowledging this allows you to move forward.

The sober mornings are great aren't they. You wake up with no guilt.

You have several days to yourself coming up. This can be a time for self reflection; however don't be surprised when the AV (addict voice) in you wants to rationalize this as an opporunity to drink.

Best wishes, and keep posting.

Jim