Day 7
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Join Date: Jun 2011
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Day 7
Today I have one week of renewed sobriety. 
I've been rather sad/depressed but I think it's mainly because of my miscarriage and still not knowing what's going on with that. I just tell myself that drinking won't make anything better, even if it does sometimes appeal to me mentally, as a temporary escape.
To be honest I'm not sure how I'm going to make it once my bloodwork comes back. It's been "easy" to not drink because I have the excuse of a possible new pregnancy. But I don't think I am pregnant and when I find out I'm not, I know my boyfriend will be like okay now we can go have a drink together! I need to find the strength to not drink no matter what he wants to do.
Last night I went to my writing group and he went out with his brother and their friend who has been in town from out of state. This friend keeps extending his visit and they keep going out and drinking every day with the excuse that the friend is in town. He invited me out after my group was over and I said no, I'm not feeling great and I'm tired and I still have a lot of work to catch up on, I'm just going to go home. I was pretty proud of myself for that because in the past if he was out I would want to be out too. I did feel rather depressed and sad but I was still glad I wasn't out.
He came home a bit after 10, and bragged to me that he only had 3 beers. I sarcastically said yeah right and he said well one was 22 oz. but I really only had 3. I told him that when I didn't hear much from him I thought he was going to stay out late and/or not come home due to being drunk. He has done that in the rather distant past but he said, "I'm sorry I made you worry. My phone kept dying and I kept charging it in the car between bars." [He had told me this earlier and his brother sent a text saying his phone had died, so I know that it was true but I still worry when I see patterns from the past.] He also said, "I'm done with that, I won't do that any more." He didn't seem very drunk at all, and we were able to have a conversation about how I've been feeling and some things that are going on with my parents etc.
So maybe my worries are overboard-- he really has shaped up from the time when he was the guy who always wanted to go out and drink until he was falling down. I really do want this relationship to work, but am trying to stay focused on myself and find a way to not drink even though he does and wants me to. I know that this is about ME and not about HIM.
Thanks for listening.
I've been rather sad/depressed but I think it's mainly because of my miscarriage and still not knowing what's going on with that. I just tell myself that drinking won't make anything better, even if it does sometimes appeal to me mentally, as a temporary escape.
To be honest I'm not sure how I'm going to make it once my bloodwork comes back. It's been "easy" to not drink because I have the excuse of a possible new pregnancy. But I don't think I am pregnant and when I find out I'm not, I know my boyfriend will be like okay now we can go have a drink together! I need to find the strength to not drink no matter what he wants to do.
Last night I went to my writing group and he went out with his brother and their friend who has been in town from out of state. This friend keeps extending his visit and they keep going out and drinking every day with the excuse that the friend is in town. He invited me out after my group was over and I said no, I'm not feeling great and I'm tired and I still have a lot of work to catch up on, I'm just going to go home. I was pretty proud of myself for that because in the past if he was out I would want to be out too. I did feel rather depressed and sad but I was still glad I wasn't out.
He came home a bit after 10, and bragged to me that he only had 3 beers. I sarcastically said yeah right and he said well one was 22 oz. but I really only had 3. I told him that when I didn't hear much from him I thought he was going to stay out late and/or not come home due to being drunk. He has done that in the rather distant past but he said, "I'm sorry I made you worry. My phone kept dying and I kept charging it in the car between bars." [He had told me this earlier and his brother sent a text saying his phone had died, so I know that it was true but I still worry when I see patterns from the past.] He also said, "I'm done with that, I won't do that any more." He didn't seem very drunk at all, and we were able to have a conversation about how I've been feeling and some things that are going on with my parents etc.
So maybe my worries are overboard-- he really has shaped up from the time when he was the guy who always wanted to go out and drink until he was falling down. I really do want this relationship to work, but am trying to stay focused on myself and find a way to not drink even though he does and wants me to. I know that this is about ME and not about HIM.
Thanks for listening.
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: SAN FRANCISCO
Posts: 1,176
Congratulations on your 7 days!
I was not very successful at keeping my relationship alive with my active A. when I wanted us both to cut down on our drinking. As they say, you cannot control anyone but yourself. In the end him hanging out at bars drinking all the time drove me nuts, you do want to be with someone who thinks you're more important than a beer, know what I'm sayin'?
Anyway good luck!
I was not very successful at keeping my relationship alive with my active A. when I wanted us both to cut down on our drinking. As they say, you cannot control anyone but yourself. In the end him hanging out at bars drinking all the time drove me nuts, you do want to be with someone who thinks you're more important than a beer, know what I'm sayin'?
Anyway good luck!
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 557
"Not very drunk" - is still drunk.
For me ... the most important individual or thing in my sobriety, is me! My wife, my job, by mom, my brothers, sisters and all my friends are secondary.
Without my sobriety ... everthing else will disappear ... pooooof
For me ... the most important individual or thing in my sobriety, is me! My wife, my job, by mom, my brothers, sisters and all my friends are secondary.
Without my sobriety ... everthing else will disappear ... pooooof
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Midwest
Posts: 8,334
HiPigtails,
Congratulations on your week of sobriety. You sound sad, which is so very understandable. It might be helpful for you to look to your future...the things you want....a child, a good relationship and sobriety. Remaining sober now, is a step towards the future you want.
Congratulations on your week of sobriety. You sound sad, which is so very understandable. It might be helpful for you to look to your future...the things you want....a child, a good relationship and sobriety. Remaining sober now, is a step towards the future you want.
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Originally Posted by Pondlady 
HiPigtails,
Congratulations on your week of sobriety. You sound sad, which is so very understandable. It might be helpful for you to look to your future...the things you want....a child, a good relationship and sobriety. Remaining sober now, is a step towards the future you want.
Congratulations on your week of sobriety. You sound sad, which is so very understandable. It might be helpful for you to look to your future...the things you want....a child, a good relationship and sobriety. Remaining sober now, is a step towards the future you want.
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,494
I believe that everything happens for a reason and I think you're probably right. This experience has been painful but has helped you to see what matters to you.
Congratulations on Day 7.
Congratulations on Day 7.
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I have not heard back from the doctor's office who was supposed to call me with my test results. So I went to the lab and picked up the results myself. It appears that, like I thought, I'm not pregnant-- the pregnancy hormone is still there but went down quite a bit. So I guess this is just the slowest miscarriage ever and my body is just expelling the pregnancy really really slowly. This sucks because every day I have to deal with the symptoms, and feeling crappy both physically and emotionally, but also of course having to work and do errands and live my life. I called the doctor's to see if there is a next step, they had mentioned medication or surgery to finish expelling the rest of the fluid if I'm not pregnant again (but now that the hormone level has gone done rather significantly, I would just wait it out if it's not going to be too much longer!!), but they just took a message for the nurse to call me back.
Right after I got the test results I said okay I want to go get some coffee and my boyfriend said "and a beer right?" I told him no, if I drink alcohol right now I will just get really depressed and cry. I was so proud of myself, because honestly before we went to get the results (over lunch), he was having a beer and I really wanted one too. I am just trying really hard to remember that it will only bring more misery! And I was honestly annoyed that he brought up alcohol but then I just tried to tell myself to focus on myself and not him. He could line up 7 shots for me in a row but it would be my decision whether or not to drink them.
Right after I got the test results I said okay I want to go get some coffee and my boyfriend said "and a beer right?" I told him no, if I drink alcohol right now I will just get really depressed and cry. I was so proud of myself, because honestly before we went to get the results (over lunch), he was having a beer and I really wanted one too. I am just trying really hard to remember that it will only bring more misery! And I was honestly annoyed that he brought up alcohol but then I just tried to tell myself to focus on myself and not him. He could line up 7 shots for me in a row but it would be my decision whether or not to drink them.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,424
I'm sorry for your sadness PT...but congrats on your week.
When I broke it down into fundamentals, I realised I could be who I wanted to be, leading the life I wanted to lead - or I could drink...but I couldn't do both.
It seems to me you're at a similar crossroads PT?
D.
When I broke it down into fundamentals, I realised I could be who I wanted to be, leading the life I wanted to lead - or I could drink...but I couldn't do both.
It seems to me you're at a similar crossroads PT?
D.
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The doctor called me back and I have to go in tomorrow morning for another check-up and most likely some medical intervention to get this over with. I also had to go in for more bloodwork tonight, which took an hour and a half out of my day. I did not handle any of this well. I guess I had a break-down of sorts, crying and feeling so mad and hateful and depressed. I feel so unproductive and overwhelmed. It's like this miscarriage has been consuming my life/thoughts for 2.5 months and I am at a breaking point. I feel bad because I yelled at my boyfriend and told him we just want different things. To my credit this was after he made a "joke" that was in horribly bad taste. But I just could not handle it any more.
The only thing I'm proud of is that I haven't had a drink, even though he suggested it twice and was suggesting places to stop somewhere to have one after the bloodwork was done. At first I told him I would get depressed and cry if I drank. Well, I did that anyway!!!! Oops. :-/ So then I told him maybe I just needed to cry and yell and maybe I'll start feeling better. He looked into a counseling place for me and that was really sweet of him. It has a 2 - 3 week wait time but I feel a little bit of hope thinking maybe I can help myself with counseling, and not drinking.
The only thing I'm proud of is that I haven't had a drink, even though he suggested it twice and was suggesting places to stop somewhere to have one after the bloodwork was done. At first I told him I would get depressed and cry if I drank. Well, I did that anyway!!!! Oops. :-/ So then I told him maybe I just needed to cry and yell and maybe I'll start feeling better. He looked into a counseling place for me and that was really sweet of him. It has a 2 - 3 week wait time but I feel a little bit of hope thinking maybe I can help myself with counseling, and not drinking.
Self recovered Self discovered
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 5,148
Pigtails, your anguish comes through loud and clear, and I can hear your deep sadness through your words. You seem to have the instinct to find your way forward through all of this-the questions you are asking yourself seem to be the right ones to me.
It might be helpful for you to tell BF to never offer you alcohol, ever. This might help him to understand the depth of your commitment to your future without alcohol.
Yes, Pigtails, you have the power to choose. This is where it begins - this realization opens the door to you for that new life that is waiting for you.
Here is another idea to consider. Do you think that, considering the facts of what has happened to you recently, that you are exactly where you are supposed to be? Do you feel that you are reacting and behaving in precisely the right way for you? I think you are 100%, doing so very very well.
There is this question remaining for you to answer however. You have power, you have choice, you have freedom, you have ability, to make this present moment into what you want. This 'now' belongs to you. What do you choose?
It might be helpful for you to tell BF to never offer you alcohol, ever. This might help him to understand the depth of your commitment to your future without alcohol.
He could line up 7 shots for me in a row but it would be my decision whether or not to drink them.
Here is another idea to consider. Do you think that, considering the facts of what has happened to you recently, that you are exactly where you are supposed to be? Do you feel that you are reacting and behaving in precisely the right way for you? I think you are 100%, doing so very very well.
There is this question remaining for you to answer however. You have power, you have choice, you have freedom, you have ability, to make this present moment into what you want. This 'now' belongs to you. What do you choose?
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Dallas, TX
Posts: 325
Pigtails,
If you were to post facts about your BF and his friends on a bud light drinking forum, everyone would talk about how cool they are and how they must be the best drinking buddies ever. The reality is that if you are truly trying to stay sober for the long haul, do you really think that this time you can handle the pressure of someone you love offering you a beer multiple times a day, everday?
If I were in your shoes, I would at the very least set a strong boundary that you will not be driniking at all until further notice. I would be very clear not to offer me a drink even once, even jokingly. There is not a single sober person in the world who would enjoy someone drinking around them everday and offering them drinks.
Now that you know you're not pregnant again, the excuses to not drink are not there anymore. You need to make some changes quick to avoid going back to the drinking cycle. It sounds like you are hanging on by your fingernails, and that is no way to live. If you really see yourself being with your bf and his friends long term, it's time to take action on how you are going to enjoy being with them while also being the only sober one.
If you were to post facts about your BF and his friends on a bud light drinking forum, everyone would talk about how cool they are and how they must be the best drinking buddies ever. The reality is that if you are truly trying to stay sober for the long haul, do you really think that this time you can handle the pressure of someone you love offering you a beer multiple times a day, everday?
If I were in your shoes, I would at the very least set a strong boundary that you will not be driniking at all until further notice. I would be very clear not to offer me a drink even once, even jokingly. There is not a single sober person in the world who would enjoy someone drinking around them everday and offering them drinks.
Now that you know you're not pregnant again, the excuses to not drink are not there anymore. You need to make some changes quick to avoid going back to the drinking cycle. It sounds like you are hanging on by your fingernails, and that is no way to live. If you really see yourself being with your bf and his friends long term, it's time to take action on how you are going to enjoy being with them while also being the only sober one.
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,964
Honest and harsh here......Don'tcha think a baby would need two grounded non-drinking parents? Keep working on you, maybe boyfriend will work on him, but honestly, this isn't the greatest beginning for a child, pigtails. It just isn't. Dad would be at the bar (if he isn't changing now, do you really think he'll change later?) and mom will be frazzled at home, worried about what dad and his cohorts are doing....and with whom.
Focus on recovery. Maybe then you'll realize who you want in your life, maybe raise the bar a bit. You've allowed another person to bring you down for too long, isn't it time to find someone who will raise you up?
I really wish you recovery and good health!
Big Hugs,
Focus on recovery. Maybe then you'll realize who you want in your life, maybe raise the bar a bit. You've allowed another person to bring you down for too long, isn't it time to find someone who will raise you up?
I really wish you recovery and good health!
Big Hugs,
Run to live... live to run
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Western Maryland
Posts: 1,091
I agree with Sugarbear.. maybe you were thinking a baby would make the BF come around.. it was act as a bandaid so to speak.. I've always wanted kids, but I want kids with someone else who was dedicated. Right now it doesn't seem like he would be ready for that. Work on you right now.
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 1,193
Thanks so much
Thank you everyone. Last night was really hard (to top everything off, my grandmother died!!!!! She's been sick for a long time so it was only a matter of time, but boy what timing. I am going home next week for her funeral). But I am really proud of myself for not drinking. I feel so much better today and I know that would not have been the case had I drank. (My boyfriend didn't drink either last night, which was really helpful, even though I do get that I need to focus on myself and make some choices in that regard). I'm off to my doctor's appointment but will post more later. Just wanted to update. Thanks everyone, and here's to Day 8 for me.
That bell or bike person
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: london
Posts: 4,978
Thank you everyone. Last night was really hard (to top everything off, my grandmother died!!!!! She's been sick for a long time so it was only a matter of time, but boy what timing. I am going home next week for her funeral). But I am really proud of myself for not drinking. I feel so much better today and I know that would not have been the case had I drank. (My boyfriend didn't drink either last night, which was really helpful, even though I do get that I need to focus on myself and make some choices in that regard). I'm off to my doctor's appointment but will post more later. Just wanted to update. Thanks everyone, and here's to Day 8 for me.
Bestwishes, M
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Originally Posted by freshstart57
Pigtails, your anguish comes through loud and clear, and I can hear your deep sadness through your words. You seem to have the instinct to find your way forward through all of this-the questions you are asking yourself seem to be the right ones to me.
It might be helpful for you to tell BF to never offer you alcohol, ever. This might help him to understand the depth of your commitment to your future without alcohol.
It might be helpful for you to tell BF to never offer you alcohol, ever. This might help him to understand the depth of your commitment to your future without alcohol.
This is why it's hard for me to examine my relationship with him separately from my relationship with alcohol because they're really mixed up together, although the nature of one relationship can change the other. For instance if I'm not drinking I might feel resentful or angry or worried that he's drinking, and maybe it's because it makes it harder for me to not drink, or maybe it's because I'm jealous that he's drinking and I'm not, or maybe I really want him to stop with me and we can achieve better things together (sometimes maybe it's a mix of these things, or other things, I don't even know), but anyway it's often about ME and my issues rather than truly about him. And when I am drinking obviously I love having a drinking-partner-in-crime, who will never ever chastise me for drinking, even when he probably should (ex. I'm mean to him while drunk or skip out on responsibilities the next morning etc.). So anyway I guess I'm just being super honest and admitting that I know that what I decide to do, and whether I stick to it or not, are my choices, and even if they're made harder by what he does or doesn't do, it's still an issue that's about me, and alcohol.
Originally Posted by freshstart57
Yes, Pigtails, you have the power to choose. This is where it begins - this realization opens the door to you for that new life that is waiting for you.
Here is another idea to consider. Do you think that, considering the facts of what has happened to you recently, that you are exactly where you are supposed to be? Do you feel that you are reacting and behaving in precisely the right way for you? I think you are 100%, doing so very very well.
Here is another idea to consider. Do you think that, considering the facts of what has happened to you recently, that you are exactly where you are supposed to be? Do you feel that you are reacting and behaving in precisely the right way for you? I think you are 100%, doing so very very well.
Originally Posted by freshstart57
There is this question remaining for you to answer however. You have power, you have choice, you have freedom, you have ability, to make this present moment into what you want. This 'now' belongs to you. What do you choose?
I want to keep not drinking even though sometimes I want to-- basically I want to remember that it won't help in the long run and that I really can have the life I want (even though I don't always believe that).
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Originally Posted by Nirvana1
Pigtails,
If you were to post facts about your BF and his friends on a bud light drinking forum, everyone would talk about how cool they are and how they must be the best drinking buddies ever. The reality is that if you are truly trying to stay sober for the long haul, do you really think that this time you can handle the pressure of someone you love offering you a beer multiple times a day, everday?
If I were in your shoes, I would at the very least set a strong boundary that you will not be driniking at all until further notice. I would be very clear not to offer me a drink even once, even jokingly. There is not a single sober person in the world who would enjoy someone drinking around them everday and offering them drinks.
Now that you know you're not pregnant again, the excuses to not drink are not there anymore. You need to make some changes quick to avoid going back to the drinking cycle. It sounds like you are hanging on by your fingernails, and that is no way to live. If you really see yourself being with your bf and his friends long term, it's time to take action on how you are going to enjoy being with them while also being the only sober one.
If you were to post facts about your BF and his friends on a bud light drinking forum, everyone would talk about how cool they are and how they must be the best drinking buddies ever. The reality is that if you are truly trying to stay sober for the long haul, do you really think that this time you can handle the pressure of someone you love offering you a beer multiple times a day, everday?
If I were in your shoes, I would at the very least set a strong boundary that you will not be driniking at all until further notice. I would be very clear not to offer me a drink even once, even jokingly. There is not a single sober person in the world who would enjoy someone drinking around them everday and offering them drinks.
Now that you know you're not pregnant again, the excuses to not drink are not there anymore. You need to make some changes quick to avoid going back to the drinking cycle. It sounds like you are hanging on by your fingernails, and that is no way to live. If you really see yourself being with your bf and his friends long term, it's time to take action on how you are going to enjoy being with them while also being the only sober one.
Today he mentioned how last night he didn't drink, and he said he didn't want to tempt or frustrate me during that hard time and he figured that if I didn't drink then I could probably last forever without drinking and be just fine. He said it like he was surprised, impressed, and stunned.
So I guess I just have to keep going and try not to worry too much about what he thinks about me right now (even though that seems hard to do in a relationship) and realize maybe he's thinking it's a good or admirable thing!
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