scared to stop
justme
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: ottawa, ON
Posts: 2
scared to stop
Hey everyone,
Today I realized that I couldn't stop at just one glass of wine. I finished the whole bottle. Again. I think I have had about a bottle of wine a night for the last 3 weeks. Before that it was a lot more sporatic and the change has scared me. I am also afraid to stop. What kind of effect will withdrawl have on my job? I don't feel like I have the willpower to stop. I told myself I would wean myself off over the next week with two bottles of wine. The last 3 weeks I have been on vacation and now I am back at work and I do not want to suffer from withdrawl at work so I keep drinking 'some' every night to keep from going thru withdrawl, however, I went through those two bottles of wine in two days instead of the week and now, what do I do? Do I buy more wine and hope next time I will be able to stop at one glass or do I admit that if I buy a bottle of wine I will not be able to stop til it is gone. If I do that, am I ready for withdrawl? Can I keep performing my job?
By the way, I am new here and scared to death. This is the first time I have admitted that I am an alcholic. I have thought about it and brushed it off for a long time because I do not fit into my definition of an alcoholic. My father was an alcholic who went thru the dts and later died, possibly, of suicide, when I was five. What I do remember was that he was very angry and violent when he was drunk. In my time before he died, I quickly came to despise labatts (the beer with the money on the box) that he drank. I hated the beer store and, to this day, I cannot stand the smell of beer.
My stepfather (from age 11 on) was also an alcoholic. He drank beer and rum. He got very angry and depressed when he was drinking. I learned to hate the sounds I could hear when he was drinking and became very good at hiding. He was not physically violent but emotionally so.
Recently, I found out he has liver disease and is suffering quite a bit. I am torn between loving him as a father and hating him for my life under his roof. He is no longer allowed to drink and I had a really hard time with that. It is almost as if I need to have an alcoholic in my life. If it isn't him, do I have to take up that role...have I?
I have never been violent or emotionally abusive while drinking. I love the taste of wine and, of course, love the buzz. But when I think of an alcoholic, I think of my father and stepfather, not me.
It seems to me that there is an amazing group of people here and I look forward to your thoughts and advice.
Tammy
Today I realized that I couldn't stop at just one glass of wine. I finished the whole bottle. Again. I think I have had about a bottle of wine a night for the last 3 weeks. Before that it was a lot more sporatic and the change has scared me. I am also afraid to stop. What kind of effect will withdrawl have on my job? I don't feel like I have the willpower to stop. I told myself I would wean myself off over the next week with two bottles of wine. The last 3 weeks I have been on vacation and now I am back at work and I do not want to suffer from withdrawl at work so I keep drinking 'some' every night to keep from going thru withdrawl, however, I went through those two bottles of wine in two days instead of the week and now, what do I do? Do I buy more wine and hope next time I will be able to stop at one glass or do I admit that if I buy a bottle of wine I will not be able to stop til it is gone. If I do that, am I ready for withdrawl? Can I keep performing my job?
By the way, I am new here and scared to death. This is the first time I have admitted that I am an alcholic. I have thought about it and brushed it off for a long time because I do not fit into my definition of an alcoholic. My father was an alcholic who went thru the dts and later died, possibly, of suicide, when I was five. What I do remember was that he was very angry and violent when he was drunk. In my time before he died, I quickly came to despise labatts (the beer with the money on the box) that he drank. I hated the beer store and, to this day, I cannot stand the smell of beer.
My stepfather (from age 11 on) was also an alcoholic. He drank beer and rum. He got very angry and depressed when he was drinking. I learned to hate the sounds I could hear when he was drinking and became very good at hiding. He was not physically violent but emotionally so.
Recently, I found out he has liver disease and is suffering quite a bit. I am torn between loving him as a father and hating him for my life under his roof. He is no longer allowed to drink and I had a really hard time with that. It is almost as if I need to have an alcoholic in my life. If it isn't him, do I have to take up that role...have I?
I have never been violent or emotionally abusive while drinking. I love the taste of wine and, of course, love the buzz. But when I think of an alcoholic, I think of my father and stepfather, not me.
It seems to me that there is an amazing group of people here and I look forward to your thoughts and advice.
Tammy
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: AZ
Posts: 183
All I can tell you is you're in the right place! I'm 5 days into stopping and have a similar history, only I like tequila (but anything would do...). Didn't have someone die when I was young, but had an alcoholic father and I chose men who were alcoholic. I got good at hiding, too, and had emotional abuse as well. The legacy....
So what helped me was to read what other people have written. I do have some prior experience w/ AA and Alanon, and although it's not totally "my thing," the principles are sound and there's true recovery there. There are other disciplines here, too, and the bottom line for everyone is to Not Drink. Everyone has been there - so lean on us
There are some incredible tools and lots of wisdom here.
Hang in there! You're in the right place!
So what helped me was to read what other people have written. I do have some prior experience w/ AA and Alanon, and although it's not totally "my thing," the principles are sound and there's true recovery there. There are other disciplines here, too, and the bottom line for everyone is to Not Drink. Everyone has been there - so lean on us
There are some incredible tools and lots of wisdom here.Hang in there! You're in the right place!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: co
Posts: 329
Hi readytotry.. alcoholics come in all shape and sizes. If you met me on the street you wouldnt think im an alchy. Doesnt matter what other people think. sr has been a god send to me. I do belive there is a reason you took the time to find this site.... i know why i did. If there is a will, there is a way.. Good luck to you
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
It's always best to have an honest talk with your doctor about how
best to de tox. It can be dangerous to do alone...and usually
it's uncomfortable for the first few days.
Please read this link...note that not everyone had the same expereinces
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html
Welcome to our recovery community...
best to de tox. It can be dangerous to do alone...and usually
it's uncomfortable for the first few days.
Please read this link...note that not everyone had the same expereinces
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html
Welcome to our recovery community...
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Southeast US
Posts: 332
Welcome to our community, readytotry. I can identify with your story somewhat having lived for several years with an alcoholic stepfather. Unfortunately, he was physically and mentally abusive to me and my younger sister. It has taken me years to sort out these feelings, including the realization that I was "taking up the role" as you say, or just re-victimizing myself.
You are absolutely correct that this is a wonderful place to be. I am marking three weeks of sobriety tomorrow and I have not skipped one day of logging in here to read people's stories and connect. I hope you will do the same.
Best wishes to you.
You are absolutely correct that this is a wonderful place to be. I am marking three weeks of sobriety tomorrow and I have not skipped one day of logging in here to read people's stories and connect. I hope you will do the same.
Best wishes to you.
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