Hi, I'm new, and never joined a support group for drinking.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Saginaw, MI
Posts: 3
Hi, I'm new, and never joined a support group for drinking. I'm Josh, I'm a single 35yo male with no kids and a good job. I like socializing and meeting women, and the bar on weekends has always been my method to satisfy those things. I started drinking at 16, but didn't start getting drunk on a regular basis until I was 19. For the past 12 years, I have been completely wasted at least once a week. It's always with other heavy drinking friends, and usually at a busy bar. For the past few years, my blackouts have become so common, that they happen almost every time I drink. Like most of you, once I start, I can't stop. I have been sober for over 3 months now, and have not been to a bar, nor hung out with my drunk friends.
My problem now, is that I feel like I'm going to go back to it. I have almost no social life now. Most of my interactions have always been at the bar, or with friends that go to the bar. Now that I don't have that, I'm left with internet dating, which is horrible. I go to the gym 3-4 days a week, have been getting in better shape, and love the fact that I don't spend most of the weekend on the couch hungover. But, I don't know how I'm going to meet people in my small town without the bar. Loading up Facebook, and looking at people posting pics of themselves drinking and having so much fun makes it even harder. I feel like I have some kind of disability. If someone asked why I didn't want to go to the bar, I don't think I could tell them I am an alcoholic. My weekends are so boring, and lonely now, I don't know if I can take it anymore. I have this voice in my head that tells me I can go out, and just have a couple beers, but I know what it will eventually lead to. I'm trying hard to stay sober, and I hope some support on a site like this will help. Thanks everyone who read this, and I appreciate any help you can give.
My problem now, is that I feel like I'm going to go back to it. I have almost no social life now. Most of my interactions have always been at the bar, or with friends that go to the bar. Now that I don't have that, I'm left with internet dating, which is horrible. I go to the gym 3-4 days a week, have been getting in better shape, and love the fact that I don't spend most of the weekend on the couch hungover. But, I don't know how I'm going to meet people in my small town without the bar. Loading up Facebook, and looking at people posting pics of themselves drinking and having so much fun makes it even harder. I feel like I have some kind of disability. If someone asked why I didn't want to go to the bar, I don't think I could tell them I am an alcoholic. My weekends are so boring, and lonely now, I don't know if I can take it anymore. I have this voice in my head that tells me I can go out, and just have a couple beers, but I know what it will eventually lead to. I'm trying hard to stay sober, and I hope some support on a site like this will help. Thanks everyone who read this, and I appreciate any help you can give.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Southeast US
Posts: 332
Welcome to SR, dopethron3. I definitely think that you will get something out of this site. I'm marking 20 days of sobriety and it's been enormously helpful to me.
I have been dealing with the same issue in feeling that I have no social life - - at least I don't hang around the same people that I used to be with. I have missed part of that life, but I also recognize that I am older now and that I don't need to do things (like drinking) that I don't want to do anymore. I am slowly but surely replacing my old "friends" with real people that I can hang out with in non-drinking settings.
A lot of people here report feeling "bored" during their first days of sobriety. I actually find that my new life has a certain peace to it. The best feeling is not feeling ashamed from drinking too much and hiding it from people. Hang out here online for a while and read peoples' stories. I think that you stand to gain a lot from this community.
Best of luck to you,
~b
I have been dealing with the same issue in feeling that I have no social life - - at least I don't hang around the same people that I used to be with. I have missed part of that life, but I also recognize that I am older now and that I don't need to do things (like drinking) that I don't want to do anymore. I am slowly but surely replacing my old "friends" with real people that I can hang out with in non-drinking settings.
A lot of people here report feeling "bored" during their first days of sobriety. I actually find that my new life has a certain peace to it. The best feeling is not feeling ashamed from drinking too much and hiding it from people. Hang out here online for a while and read peoples' stories. I think that you stand to gain a lot from this community.
Best of luck to you,
~b
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Cleveland, OH
Posts: 1,191
Hi dopethron,
I and millions of others have found not only lasting sobriety, but also a wonderful fellowship through AA. I dont recommend going there to look for dates, but as far as friends, Ive met my best ones in recovery. HAve you given any thought to AA?
I and millions of others have found not only lasting sobriety, but also a wonderful fellowship through AA. I dont recommend going there to look for dates, but as far as friends, Ive met my best ones in recovery. HAve you given any thought to AA?
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 557
Like you, when I was drinking I met lots of women. Took advantage of lots too, to which I'm eternally sorry. Had lots of relationships, but what I realize now is that they didn't last because who, in there right mind wants a lush as a companion.
I met my wife in AA and it's actually a blast going through life with someone who understands my alcoholism. There are some extremely beautiful people in sobriety and I can actually see their external ... and internal ... beauty as a sober individual.
I met my wife in AA and it's actually a blast going through life with someone who understands my alcoholism. There are some extremely beautiful people in sobriety and I can actually see their external ... and internal ... beauty as a sober individual.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
What are you doing to find other social outlets? And I don't mean online dating and facebook. Are you pursuing any interests? There are always clubs or groups that cater to specific interests. Take a class. Better yet, volunteer at an organization that would benefit from your new found time.
Three months isn't that long (though it may feel that way). This is your recovery you are talking about. Do whatever it takes to support it. I was prepared to lock myself in a bunker for a year if that's what it took.
Three months isn't that long (though it may feel that way). This is your recovery you are talking about. Do whatever it takes to support it. I was prepared to lock myself in a bunker for a year if that's what it took.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 1,145
Welcome to SR, Josh, and congratulations on being sober for over 3 months. Good for you.
I think it is quite common for people to find that once they've given up alcohol, they have to figure out other ways to be social. I was like you - I did ALL of my socialising in bars, or at people's houses drinking, or... well, anywhere, but alcohol was inevitably involved. Since I've been sober, I probably socialise a lot less... but the way I see it, I wasn't really socialising when I was drunk, anyway, it just felt like I was. I do have my husband, though, which I guess makes it a lot easier for me as I am not alone at home, etc. I do still go to bars if all of my friends are meeting there. Admittedly, I don't find it as fun as I once did, but I do still enjoy being with my friends. I leave before they get too drunk, though. Would any of your friends be willing to do things that don't involve alcohol? Don't let loneliness drive you to drink again... there are many clubs and activities you can involve yourself with. Bars are really not very sociable places, anyway, when you think about it.
I think it is quite common for people to find that once they've given up alcohol, they have to figure out other ways to be social. I was like you - I did ALL of my socialising in bars, or at people's houses drinking, or... well, anywhere, but alcohol was inevitably involved. Since I've been sober, I probably socialise a lot less... but the way I see it, I wasn't really socialising when I was drunk, anyway, it just felt like I was. I do have my husband, though, which I guess makes it a lot easier for me as I am not alone at home, etc. I do still go to bars if all of my friends are meeting there. Admittedly, I don't find it as fun as I once did, but I do still enjoy being with my friends. I leave before they get too drunk, though. Would any of your friends be willing to do things that don't involve alcohol? Don't let loneliness drive you to drink again... there are many clubs and activities you can involve yourself with. Bars are really not very sociable places, anyway, when you think about it.
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,960
Welcome to SR!
The way I see it, if I can't find out what to do when I am alone, and I bore myself, then what in the world do I bring to a relationship?
I'm learning how to entertain myself. I found out that I am fun to hang out with today.
Glad you are here! You can stay stopped, too!
The way I see it, if I can't find out what to do when I am alone, and I bore myself, then what in the world do I bring to a relationship?
I'm learning how to entertain myself. I found out that I am fun to hang out with today.
Glad you are here! You can stay stopped, too!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Saginaw, MI
Posts: 3
Wow, thanks for all the replies. I thought it would take a few days before I'd even get one. I think that volunteering for something could be a great way to spend my free weekend time. I'll start doing some research to see what's in my area. I really like being around people, and having new experiences. I'll try to find something that will allow me to do stuff like that. I had an idea to bar tend on the weekends somewhere, but I think it's a little too soon for something like that! Plus, I'd like to make some friends that aren't big drinkers anyway.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Saginaw, MI
Posts: 3
Originally Posted by sugarbear1 
Welcome to SR!
The way I see it, if I can't find out what to do when I am alone, and I bore myself, then what in the world do I bring to a relationship?
I'm learning how to entertain myself. I found out that I am fun to hang out with today.
Glad you are here! You can stay stopped, too!
The way I see it, if I can't find out what to do when I am alone, and I bore myself, then what in the world do I bring to a relationship?
I'm learning how to entertain myself. I found out that I am fun to hang out with today.
Glad you are here! You can stay stopped, too!
Well, conversations with myself aren't that great because I already know what I'm going to say.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 1,145
Originally Posted by dopethron3
Wow, thanks for all the replies. I thought it would take a few days before I'd even get one. I think that volunteering for something could be a great way to spend my free weekend time. I'll start doing some research to see what's in my area. I really like being around people, and having new experiences. I'll try to find something that will allow me to do stuff like that. I had an idea to bar tend on the weekends somewhere, but I think it's a little too soon for something like that! Plus, I'd like to make some friends that aren't big drinkers anyway.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Water's Edge
Posts: 239
Dopethron, congratulations on 3 months away from alcohol. I had wondered what I would tell people who were accustomed to seeing me drink when they did and so far all I have had to say is that I would prefer a glass of water. I am not sure what I will say precisely when the moment comes that someone asks more in depth about my not drinking, it may be "I don't drink when I'm sober". I'm thinking the further I get away from alcohol, the more varied my choice of activities. It used to be only situations in which I could accompany the activity with alcohol. Being a bartender sounds like a dangerous idea to me.
Hope you find interesting things to put in your life in place of alcohol.
Hope you find interesting things to put in your life in place of alcohol.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 2,937
I hear you loud and clear.
Just remember that facebook is not representative of real life at all.
It is snapshots of what people consider to be the highlights of their life.
For some it is a way to boast about their lives - be it lots of friends going, a massive clevage, a pouty picture, a big flas car. No-one posts pictures of themselves sat quivering on the sofa after a skinful worrying about all they have done and feeling rubbish.
Being lonely is not good and I am very lonely too. It used to be the case that if I did not make the effort to ring someone or leave my home I would not speak to anyone all weekend.
I have a daughter now so I don't have much free time, but I tried to avoid drinking places and met friends when drinking would not be on the agenda.
I did things like going to the gym to try and keep occupied.
Sometimes it worked sometimes it didn't.
I found other interests too.
I did find that staying at home a lot on my own did not help. I felt punished.
However I do like going to meetings when I get the chance.
I find hanging out with like minded ex drunks who understand and can have a laugh about the challenges we have to face.
I hope you find a solution to yout loneliness I really do xxxx
Just remember that facebook is not representative of real life at all.
It is snapshots of what people consider to be the highlights of their life.
For some it is a way to boast about their lives - be it lots of friends going, a massive clevage, a pouty picture, a big flas car. No-one posts pictures of themselves sat quivering on the sofa after a skinful worrying about all they have done and feeling rubbish.
Being lonely is not good and I am very lonely too. It used to be the case that if I did not make the effort to ring someone or leave my home I would not speak to anyone all weekend.
I have a daughter now so I don't have much free time, but I tried to avoid drinking places and met friends when drinking would not be on the agenda.
I did things like going to the gym to try and keep occupied.
Sometimes it worked sometimes it didn't.
I found other interests too.
I did find that staying at home a lot on my own did not help. I felt punished.
However I do like going to meetings when I get the chance.
I find hanging out with like minded ex drunks who understand and can have a laugh about the challenges we have to face.
I hope you find a solution to yout loneliness I really do xxxx
Run to live... live to run
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Western Maryland
Posts: 1,091
Hello.. I can relate a lot to this post. The only time I EVER saw my friends was when I went out. The only time we got together was when we were drinking. Are you a runner? I found that I met a lot of people through the running community. How about take a class in something you are interested in? Either way, you aren't going to meet a nice woman that you want to be with in a bar. Not saying any of us aren't great people, but if you meet them there, it's not going to be good for you. I do a lot more stuff now than I ever did when I was drinking.. you just have to be open to it!
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,755
I agree that volunteering is a great way to pass the time and do something useful as well. Homeless shelters, animal shelters, the local soup kitchen - there's lots of places in need of volunteers. And you might meet some really good people also.
Welcome to SR!
Homeless shelters, animal shelters, the local soup kitchen - there's lots of places in need of volunteers. And you might meet some really good people also.Welcome to SR!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: SAN FRANCISCO
Posts: 1,176
I'm suffering with the same thing myself, single and trying to avoid the bar scene. I'm doing the internet dating thing here and there myself but it's pretty bad. I have a meditation group that I go to on Sunday nights. I wonder if there is something like Meetup.com available in your area? Volunteering is a great idea. Take a class at the local community college, learn how to do something new, read a book, those are good cures for boredom. Go to church if you're religious and if not go to a meditation group. If things got really boring you could even find a second job.
At times I'm jealous of people who are doing the bar scene but on the flip side, I actually find that their lives seem kind of empty and sad. Good luck with it all... I know how u feel.
By the way 3 months is a great accomplishment!
At times I'm jealous of people who are doing the bar scene but on the flip side, I actually find that their lives seem kind of empty and sad. Good luck with it all... I know how u feel.
By the way 3 months is a great accomplishment!
Stingy athlete recovery method
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: U. S. A.
Posts: 754
I hope you find all success! I was thinking: social life may be puzzling for drinkers and non-drinkers alike. I am not sure the record would show that social drinkers experience greater long-term success in relationships than non-drinkers (are there any studies?).
I also tried to think about the time, place, and setting under which each of these statements might hold true:
Alcohol facilitates the finding of a life partner.
Tobacco facilitates the finding of a life partner.
Marijuana facilitates the finding of a life partner.
Opiates facilitate the finding of a life partner.
Cocaine facilitates the finding of a life partner.
Mel
I also tried to think about the time, place, and setting under which each of these statements might hold true:
Alcohol facilitates the finding of a life partner.
Tobacco facilitates the finding of a life partner.
Marijuana facilitates the finding of a life partner.
Opiates facilitate the finding of a life partner.
Cocaine facilitates the finding of a life partner.
Mel
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
