Admiral

I don't know what it is, but this summer has been kind of hard. School got out in May, I work about twenty hours a week and I've just kind of fallen into this rut. When I used to smoke pot I would wake up and feel like a rock, I could just sit there and stare at the wall and be zoned out. I've been feeling that way recently, I'm tired, I'm out of it and I started to use again. Not a lot, I was getting drunk with a buddy once a week, started smoking pot again and now I've sank further.

It will be seven days tomorrow, I know I can do it, I'm strong and have no desire to use, but this depression is eating away at me. I just feel so full of negative energy and have no outlet for it. I'm not suicidal or anything, I just feel bad and wish this would go away, blowing eight weeks sober really didn't help either.

mecanix

Hi Admiral ,
Congratulations and much respect on getting back up after findiing yourself falling into a rut.
As for the depression if it dosn't shift it might be worth checking in with a doctor, i know for me drinking and drugs are a problem but i used them to blott out other problems that i'm only getting round to dealing with or even being aware of.

Sounds like you're doing what i didn't do for years which is looking for help and answers,
good luck, M

Jeni26

Hi Admiral, Thankyou for your post.
I would also go and chat to your doc, there may be underlying issues to address here. Drinking and smoking pot just adds to it, and muddies the waters though.
I wasn't sure in the end whether I drank because I was depressed or whether I was depressed because I drank. I had treatment from my doc which didn't work because the effects of the antidepressants were counteracted by the booze in my system. I understand how life seems hard and nothing quite seems worth it.
At least you know that drinking didn't solve it, brilliant that you've given up.
Go and have a chat with your doc, there is help available.
Keep us posted. Good luck x

Admiral

It's been a decade since I last saw a doc, and that was a child pediatrician. To be honest I'm terrified of the doctor, I always have been, the one time I had a full blown panic attack was on the way to the doctors office back in junior high, that's how serious this fear is. I feel like they will find something horrifically wrong with me or tell me I am going to die. There's that and the fact that I am VERY against prescription drugs, especially anti depressants. Honestly I would rather live like this than be on those drugs.

Just thinking about going really stresses me out, I don't even know how I'd go about finding a doctor to see. I'm also on the last year of being on my dads insurance plan, so next year I'm out, it's just a lot to add to my plate, figuring that out and all.

Jeni26

Is there someone who could go with you to the docs? I'm not saying that he/she will prescribe anything at all. They may be able to point you in the right direction for other help if you want to go down that route, therapy perhaps?
Keep posting, there are many people who understand. Sharing helps xxx

mecanix

Just an idea but perhaps you could e-mail or write a letter to a doctor your family know or use, tell then about the anxiety and stuff ?
Coping with fear and anxiety is not easy, it's something you have to chip away at, it's a whole lot easier with help.

I know pot always made me paranoid so that probably ain't helping although it might seem helpful at first,

As for other drugs, well i was on beta blockers and SSRI's and they were a lot less harmfull to me than pot and alcohol.

It's great you got six days

M