Someguy23

I've got an important deadline approaching fast and it's causing me some insomnia. Leads me to ruminate on all sort of things.

Last night, I remembered something a friend told me when my drinking was at its worst. My friend is a fellow D student and his advisor does research in the same field as I do, though from a different perspective. I attended a few of his special topics classes and on a number of occasions, I felt we were intellectually very much in synch.

One night, when both my friend and I were pretty trashed, I asked him what his advisor thought of me. He replies that they'd talked about me on a few occasion, that his advisor thinks I'm "legit" but has the feeling I have a drinking problem.

At the time, I thought it was funny. Now, I'm not so sure. I never bothered hiding that I drank but I always thought I was handling it well, not letting my guilty little pleasures get in the way of my life. Always was very proud that I could handle my liquor.

But the guy in question was one of my teachers, not one of my hang-out buddies. How come even he had a feeling I have a drinking problem? Was I really handling it well?

Today, a guy I work with told me he thought I had slimmed down a lot. Especially my face, he says it used to be really puffy. I looked in the mirror and pulled out a photo and my face was, indeed, puffy and a bit bloated. It's about back to normal now.

Was it even visible on my face that I was drinking too much?

I'm not going to lose any sleep over it (I've got better things to lose sleep over), but it's bothering me. A lot...

... and I seem to have written a novel again. Sorry guys, had to vent.

sugarbear1

When we drink, we live in a world of delusion, believing our own lies. We get sober and have a hard time trusting others because of all of our lying, manipulating, cheating, etc.

We're usually the last to know what everyone else already suspects; we have a problem with alcohol. oops.

Just know you have nothing to hide today, you have no drinking problem today!

Lost3000

I think you were privy to hearing something I would LOVE to hear (or so I think). I bet a lot of us wonder - was I hiding it well? I wonder too if my bosses and others noticed me then, notice me now. Unlike you, no one's said one word to me as to my demeanor, physical appearance, etc. So I have no idea! Consider yourself lucky to know this nugget. I'd remember it, in the event one day your brain tells yourself you weren't that bad, had it under control.

hypochondriac

I'm with lost, I'd love to know something like that too. When I look in the mirror at work I often wonder what my colleagues think... they know I've given up drinking and there is no way they haven't noticed the difference between me now and the former puffier version! Not to mention the change in my functionality.

Now I consider myself an expert alcoholic spotter. There are so many tell tale signs. I wonder how any of us thought we were fooling anybody!

Lost3000

I know, huh? It seems so obvious. I still think OP was lucky. Probably not fun to hear, and I can see why it'd bug you so much. Just remember, you aren't doing that now! And soon, after some time has passed, it won't be an issue anyway, just a blip in the past.

instant

The answer is E (all of the above). With time I gained a so much better perspective on where I had been. Alcohol distorts our self perception.

Keep going the rewards keep on coming

kittycat3

Perhaps the exact story was not evident, but if you are making healthy choices now no doubt others have noticed a positive change in your demeanor as well as positive physical changes.
And, any chance your friend that was trashed was projecting HIS opinion onto his advisors?
I would do my best to let it go. Focusing on it now will only bring more negative energy to the situation. Stay sober and let that part of yourself shine through, old perceptions will die with time...

Someguy23

Have a follow-up to this.

I went to take a little walk around town today and nearly lost my pants in the street. Seriously, they almost slid off. I had noticed for awhile that I was losing weight but... Anyway, I ducked into the closest cheap clothing store and discovered that I've gone from a size 34 waist to a 31.

The weirdest thing about this is that I was working out way more when I was drinking. I was up to swimming 1.5-2K a day, these days I just do a few push-ups and pull-ups on a strict "whenever I feel like it" basis. However, I took a look in the mirror when I got home and I'm currently in the best shape I've been since I was 19-20.

I've been saying for years that I'd drop the weight quickly if I gave up beer but I always thought I was bs'ing. I admit I'm posting mostly to brag, but I was pretty stoked about it.