cascade

I don't really have 9 months this month. The truth of the matter is I have been chipping for the past two. A couple days here, then ill go a month clean/sober...then I'll chip for a couple days. I think what's keeping me in this cycle is I haven't told anyone out of embarassment/shame. I finally told my sponsor this morning, and he just asked me what we need to do different. He esssentially told me to quit being so selfish and help someone else. I have been working with him for two years, have had 7 months, 9 months, and 7 months clean time. I do feel a little better that I told him, it's been eating me up. I am going to go to a meeting at noon today at tell on myself also. I have to get out of this mindset that I can't beat this thing. I think the only reason I think that is because I'm only half honest with people (i.e. the good things that are going on), and not telling the bad things (cravings, depression, etc). At any rate, I just wanted to tell on myself. I am going to keep coming back until it sticks.

cascade

This disease sucks!

mecanix

Perhaps being honest about this "chipping" is going to be the boost you need or maybe point to work you need to do to stop the disease from progressing .
Coming clean and being honest sounds like a positive thing to do to me .

Bestwishes, M

LoftyIdeals

Honesty is the best next step. Glad you are there. It took me way too many years to come off the fence and realize I'm done with it. Keep coming back. It will come to you. Hopefully, this is the time. It's up to you!

artsoul

It's part of this disease...... We get used to working around the truth and putting a spin on everything when we're drinking. Denial gets to be a habit after a while.

It takes some courage to face these things about ourselves - good for you!

Weasel1966

Honestly.... I have come to learn, that for myself, when I am dishonest about my drinking I give the drinking more power over me.

No person who understands anything about this would ever put you down for a "chip". So if this happens again. Stand up for yourself and don't give this stuff any more energy than it's got. Own it and move on. Don't let anything slow you down.

You can stay stopped.

andisa

Hey. I know right where you're at. It's good you can come here and state the truth. I do not have a solid track record of sobriety and it's very embarrassing. I'm "supposed" to be clean. I'm "supposed" to have five years of clean time. I cannot claim that because I have not been clean that whole time. However, I do maintain that my "quit date" was October 25, 2006, regardless of what anyone else says about the fact I have used in that time. I quit that day. That I've slipped back into use on occasion does not mean I have not quit. No longer do I use habitually and the plan is to not use again. Though I know I run the risk of using again. Drugs are a powerful force. Some would say I'm not doing it right because I've used, and I might use again. They shame us into silence. It becomes embarrassing to be honest. Whatever. I do the right thing for myself, and that is, to abstain. I might slip. Ironic isn't it, that the thing that most motivates me to use is wanting to hide from the scrutiny of others.

Point of what I'm saying is, don't allow others to negatively affect or influence you. Do what is right for yourself. I say this for you as much as for myself. I appreciate knowing I've got company in my hiding.

Dee74

Embarrassing or not, staying honest and true keeps me free of secrets, keeps my pride from going wild, and keeps my feet grounded in reality...

and all that helps me stay sober.

I hope that's a load off for you, Cascade

that's the way...keep adding things too...you'll get there
D

CraigA

The funny thing is we are only lying to ourselves, but our disease clouds that. Oue ego gets in the way. The beautiful thing is no here or in AA will not judge you (people are people too) but welcome you back with open arms. This disease is cunning, baffling, and powerful and sometimes we need to go through a process to know how serious this is. Be grsteful for another chance- take each day one at a time if need be one moment at a time. Sobriety is precious and it is a gift! Put it behind you and start an honest propram with yourself, honesty is the best policy. God blees you on your journey!!!