AllArise

I recently turned 21 a few months ago, but my friends have been concerned with my drinking habits for years. I rarely drink without blacking out, I've begun wetting the bed at night regardless of where I am (which is mortifying) and have ended up doing risky & dangerous things of every nature during my blackouts. Alcoholism has always been a huge problem in my family, causing the death of many of my relatives.
Admitting I had a problem at 20 years of age was extremely difficult. I was in college, partying with my friends, not yet of legal age, and I still could tell something wasn't right.
I'm losing friends because of my ridiculous drunken behavior - from getting in fights to driving to ruining people's personal belongings. I'm by nature such a nice person, but while I am blacked out, I do so many stupid things.

I'm not sure how to search through the forums here, so I apologize if there are other threads/sections identical to this one. I'm looking for others around my age, or those of you who knew you had a problem at a young age. I've been legally able to drink for not even six months, and the thought of stopping is terrifying and depressing. Having a drink after work is what keeps me going through the day. Still, I wake up every morning hating myself due to regret and shame. I don't understand why I still crave alcohol every moment of the day when I ALWAYS end up feeling horrible the next morning. Maybe that's the definition of the disease.
I'm terrified that I won't be able to even be around alcohol, meaning I wouldn't even be able to hang out with my friends when they are drinking (which is nearly all the time).

I guess I don't really know what I'm asking - I've never admitted this to anyone. I suppose I'm just looking for support from younger alcoholics, but really anyone. I have depression and horrible social/general anxiety, which I feel will skyrocket if I'm unable to drink.
Sorry for the length, but thanks for reading. There's no one I can talk to about any of this; I really need help from people who understand what I'm going through.

sugarbear1

There are many programs that can help you, but if you want to meet others in recovery, find your local Alcoholics Anonymous Young People in AA Group, they do exist. We have one that meets weekly and in a few weeks they are having a Game Night.

We surround ourselves with others who drink, so we don't think anyone "cool" doesn't drink, but they do exist, too, they just don't hang out where we are used to hanging out at (friend's places, bars, bars, or maybe bars).

At 21, you are young, but you aren't the only young person to find out they have a problem with alcohol. You people DO exist!

Welcome to SR! Glad you are here! You can stay stopped, too!

Live2Run25

Hello there. I'm 25. Not quite 21, but when I was your age, I was already having problems, blacking out, waking up in my own vomit, and eventually losing my fiance because of a mistake I made at a drunken party. I will never forgive myself. Alcoholism runs in my family as well. My dad just got out rehab. He's been an alcoholic my entire life, and I didn't even know him until I was 22. It's a wonderful thing that you've realized this at such a young age. It really is a blessing. I'm 71 days sober and life couldn't be better. I'm always here if you need to talk!

AllArise

Thanks for replying so quickly! After rereading my post, I realized it was very stream of consciousness-esque; I apologize.

I'm glad to hear I'm not crazy for thinking what I do. Part of me feels guilty and shameful that others older than I am have been drinking for longer than I've been alive, and here I am upset that I've been drinking for five years. Part of me is somewhat proud that I'm able to realize I have a problem, even though it may not be the most serious. Most of me is just scared to throw away the biggest part of my life - the part that helps me interact with people, fall asleep at night, have confidence, or keep my self-destructive thoughts at bay.
I feel like giving up alcohol would be like losing a close friend, as pathetic as that sounds.

Britt - congratulations on your sobriety! My parents were alcoholics as well - sober now. It's hard to watch a parent go through it, but I wish they best to you and your family. Thanks for your support.
Sugarbear - I'll look into meetings/groups in my area. I'd love to find some friends who don't drink (because I currently have none.) Definitely won't find any of them at the bar though, you're right

Dee74

I'm a looooong way past 21 AllArise, lol...but it's good to have you here

There are a lot of young members here...and some of us oldies sometimes make a little bit of sense too

welcome

D

BellaTeal

Hello! I'm 22 years old and already have been struggling with alcoholism for years (I joined this site in 2008). I can relate to everything you said...except the part about alcoholism being rampant in my family. I only know of one uncle of mine who is an alcoholic.
But anyway, welcome to SR! To realize you have a problem and do something about it when you're still so young is really a blessing. Feel free to message me anytime/read my old posts/whatever.

Prodigy

Man do I feel you on this. I was in the same situation. I was in college partying essentially every night, even though I made good grades and kept it together for the most part. I did do stupid things and deep down I felt I had a problem. It really took a turn for the worse once I hit 21. I started drinking alone my senior year at college, just to get a buzz going before class or before everyone else started drinking because I wanted to start early.

I just turned 24 and have been trying to kick the habit for about a year now. It does get easier, but I understand exactly how you feel about being so young and already having a problem. It is difficult but your true friends will understand if you really do want to quit drinking.

Best of luck

artsoul

Good to meet you AllArise!

I'm an old peep, but I can relate to everything you said. Good job for seeing the red flags now and welcome to a great place!

purpleperson

Hi there!

I'm 30 and finally have come to terms with the fact that, since I was about your age, I have had an abusive relationship with alcohol. Up until the last few years I convinced myself that "everyone" drank as much as I did, even though it wasn't true. Many could go to work happy hours, bars on weekends, football tailgates and drink some, then stop, go home, sleep it off and go on their way. I would always try to get more drinks, keep drinking way past the point of reasonableness, and then hunt for a drink the next day to stave off the anxiety/hangover/panic.

I am happy that I am adressing my issues now, while I can still work towards preventing any long-term health consequences and can still manage to charge forward and lead a productive life. Still, I really wish I would have stopped and evaluated and gotten help MUCH earlier. It would have saved me a lot of heartache, big time losses and pain for friends and family.

Congratulations for realizing that you have a problem. Seeking sobriety and counseling now will help big time and at your age, you can really take advantage of that sobriety to make the most of your 20s and beyond.

Good luck!!!

hypochondriac

Welcome to SR AllArise

I'm 31 now but I knew I had a problem at your age. I started having blackouts and stuff at 16/17 and I remember reading a book on alcoholism when I was about 21 but I never did anything about it. Except I gave up drinking spirits and and hid my drinking so that no one knew I really had a problem. Sneaky.

It's ace you are doing something about this now. Don't try to take it all on board at once because a life without alcohol will probably sound unbearable right now. I'm 5 months in and I can happily say it ain't so scary anymore Maybe go and have a chat with your doctor, especially regarding the anxiety. There are better strategies for coping with that than alcohol I wish I learnt that sooner!

Glad you're here x

AllArise

Thanks for all your replies! It really means a lot. I'm glad other people have felt the same way I do.
I do feel like it'd be so hard to do right now. I'm dealing with a lot regardless, not to mention the depression and anxiety on top, and being sober sounds so difficult. I'd love to be able to have a few drinks here and there, or ever offer to sober-drive my friends around (because I never can - I know I'll get too drunk).
While I may not attempt to stop completely now, I'm glad I realized I have a problem. I feel like maybe I haven't reached my "bottom" - or maybe I have; I don't know..it's all so confusing. Not quite sure how I'm feeling, or how to put my feelings into words.
Anyway, I'm going to make a real conscious effort to slow down. I'm not expecting it to happen over night, but I'm sick of using the excuse "Oh, I'm not emotionally ready to stop yet". Because I've been using that for years, and I feel like it'll always be my rationalization for drinking.
Thanks so much for everything!

2granddaughters

Hello AllArise:

I stayed out there until it just about killed me (Actually I got so bad I almost killed me).

I suggest you Google and read AA's "The Doctors Opinion". "How It Works" and "The Promises of Alcoholics Anonymous".

Read around the threads here, you will hear your story told over and over.

AA saved my life.

All the best to you.

Bob R

Hevyn

Hi AllArise! Pleased to meet you. I wish I could go back to being 21 - and do what you're doing. My life would've turned out so different. I had many of the same fears that you do, about letting go - but you will never regret taking charge of your life now. You are avoiding so much pain and anguish by stopping this runaway train.

I hope you feel better for coming here and talking it out. Just not feeling alone helps so much.

P.S. Love your avatar

Taking5

Welcome. I am way older than you - 51 - and I drank until my late 40s and it damn near killed me. Looking back on my drinking career, it was clear to me by the age of 25 that I had a real problem, but my life became all about trying to "handle" my drinking. I did it for another 20 years with varying degrees of success or failure, before I found AA.

desertsong

My heavy drinking started in my 20's ... I only wish I'd had the insight that you do at that age. It took me another 30 years to figure out I had a problem.

Drinking is so much a part of the 20's life ... I know ... I did it to near destruction many times. It's a wonder I survived it all.

Consider it a blessing that you see it as a problem NOW and are willing to do something about it before it ruins your future. If you're up for it, find an AA meeting, a counselor, some f2f support .... keep coming to SR and learn from the wisdom of people who have been where you don't want to go. There is help out there, and you can keep this from ruining your future. We're here for you.

wreckingball

Sounds like we have a lot in common.. i'm 23, depressed and socially anxious, get blackout drunk and go from quiet and nice to loud and reckless, want to stop but get terrified thinking about never having another drink.. but it also sounds like we both know what we need to do

Db1105

I got sober when I was 17. I doubt I would of made it to 21. Blackouts, overdoses, getting locked up, involuntary trips to the nuts house were just some of things my drinking and drugging took me to and got me into. I could not picture never drinking again. Thank God I woke up to the fact I would be able to drink if I was dead either.

I'm 52 now and not had a drink for 34 years. I got sober in AA, met some others my own age, and started living. No more arrest, no more od's, no more trips to the nut house. Got a GED, graduated college, got a career, got married, and pretty much happily ever after. Not drinking has enabled me to do everything and anything I want. Sure there's been times when I thought it would be nice to get drunk, but for me, that's a death sentence.

Not drinking is a small price to pay to overcome a fatal disease. May of those people who helped get me sober are still around and living happy normal lives. I recommend contacting AA in your area.

AllArise

I'm also glad I started realizing it, with the help of my friends. I guess it was hard to ignore: I was either drunk, blacked out, or vomiting from a hangover..I'd forgotten what it's like to feel normal. Today was tough, physically, but I did it! Trying to shut that nagging voice up that's telling me I'll just give in tomorrow night.
You guys are all so supportive and helpful. Thanks so much for your suggestions and experience. I'm saving them all in a separate word document so I have them whenever I need them!

kittycat3

I'm older than you now (35) but have been to treatment for alcohol twice, the first time being when I was 20. So I can empathize with you. After I got sober then I started hanging out with the same crowd and started drinking again for 5 years. Had I stayed sober that entire time I would have saved myself a DUI, thousands of dollars in legal fees, many embarrassing drunken evenings out with friends and collegues, and gained back some desperately needed self-esteem.

Get some help now! And you should know that there is an ENTIRE WORLD of activities that does not revolve around alcohol/drug abuse, even for people your age. If you look for it you will find it!!! Keep looking if you haven't. Find new friends, get involved in something you are passionate about, or multiple things! You can do this.