Back to day one
 

So, I'm back to day one here. Feeling pretty humbled.

Three weeks ago I had 48 days. Not the best I've ever done. But, was feeling pretty good.

On the morning of the 22nd I got a text saying a friend had killed himself. Ended up using it as an excuse to drink. I think it started out as, "well, we'll just drink today." Then, "well, just this week and then after the funeral it's time to get back to business."

Anyhow. Now it's time to get back to business. I know it will get better and I can do this. But, based on my track record I'm having a hard time trusting myself right now. Feeling pretty down. Good to be here and read posts from people in the same place or who have gotten through this.

Good for you for stopping the descent and getting back on track! I'm sorry to hear about your friend - that would be a challenge to anyone in early sobriety. Having gone through this experience can be useful, though, and give you insight into how to do it differently the next time.

Welcome back to sobriety!:c011:

Starting again is incredibly difficult, but leads to the most rewarding feelings in the world. Every new sober day you get under your belt will get you deeper into sobriety. Go to meetings, hang out with sober people, do whatever you need to do to get through the next few days. You've done it before and you'll do it again. Hang in there!

Strawberrygirl, I used the suicide of someone very close to me to drink, too. I used it for years. I used a lot of different reasons to drink: sad, stressful, good, boring. There was always an excuse to drink. I would get sober for a short while and something would come out of nowhere - a piece of news or something to celebrate, etc, and I'd be back to where I was before... maybe worse. I had to really believe that I would never drink again for it to work... had to be completely behind that decision and know that no matter what is out there in the future, I will deal with it sober. I'm so sorry you lost your friend, especially so in that way - I know that nothing quite comes close to how heart breaking that is. But, all I can say is this - your friend will not want you to drink, especially not with him as a reason. I hope I am not out of line saying this - I don't mean it to come across as harsh - but that is the reasoning that really got me on track. And the way I look at it now - the person I lost through suicide actually saved my life!

You can do this.

I'm sorry for your loss, but I'm glad you're back Strawberrygirl.
How did you make the 48 days last time?

D

"I had to really believe that I would never drink again for it to work... had to be completely behind that decision and know that no matter what is out there in the future, I will deal with it sober. "

I like that a lot, Mrs. King. Thank you for your kind words. And no, you were not being harsh. Even the best of excuses is still just that - an excuse.

You have done it before and will do it again..
don't be to hard on yourself..

Strawberrygirl,

I understand where you are at...been there. I am glad you are back on track. Take car.e