Jeni26

Thanks HRB.
That's what I want to do, keep trying until there is no other option.

Jeni26

Thanks blueshades.
Not easy but real. I'm not going to drink but I remember why I did.
But this isn't about me, I don't want to make it about me,
It is about a sick old man who is sitting there in his closed in alcoholic haze and suffering torment when there is no need to.
Why would a loving god want that?
Why???

SeekSobriety

Jeni,
Thanks so much for your post. I had to deal with family today and have lots of similar feelings as you.

I truly believe that when one goes through what we have gone through as children that we suffer from forms of PTSD, in my case this was a big reason I turned to drugs and alcohol to mask my pain. I am not sure if you have found a good therapist to work on these serious issues with. I truly believe along with a recovery program, it is very important and has been a real life saver for me.

When it comes to pain inflicted by others I honestly look at them as sick people, I cannot expect someone who is blind to suddenly be able to see. To be honest, someone who can inflict pain and suffering on there own family and children, have severe mental problems, the only way he can continue to even live is probably to drown it out with drugs and alcohol. We can truly only pray for those people and hope that they find help. We do not have to forgive them but I believe we have to remind ourselves that they are sick individuals and are not able to see or even begin to repair the damage they have inflicted. We can truly only work on our own selves. To tell you the truth I have to distance myself from family, it brings up too much pain and suffering. I have to protect myself and my sobriety along with my own family now. I can only learn from how not to act towards others and work on being a better person and parent.

For me that means working on my internal issues that were no doubt in large part caused by the physical and mental abuse during childhood. I need to get help to not take out my anger on others. So many times I can be depressed and my moods can take others down as well. I need to work hard to overcome these moods. Utilizing CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, 12 step meetings, and this website) I am slowly becoming the person I want to be.

Alcohol and drugs was much crutch, it helped me get through the day, it masked my depression (for a short while) of course it also helped create chaos and destruction in my life. When I decided to give up drugs and alcohol if I did not get the root cause, the pain would be to intense. It is why so many people go back to drinking and using. That is why for me it is so crucial to work through the "root cause" with a expert. That way I can grow and face the day without needing to resort to getting #$* faced and hiding , only to awaken in a worse state.

I am so sorry you are going through such a hard time right now,
I am praying and hoping that things get better for you and your family.

Do you have any group therapies around your area you can connect with?

As for the question about Why God would let people suffer, that is the age old question. There is not a good reason other then there are some things that we as humans just cannot comprehend. God has a master plan.

Thankfully God has helped many people heal as well. God has helped bring sobriety to us so that we can help others. Some people choose not to be helped or cannot be helped due to lack of will or severe mental disease. Hopefully one day these people will have a moment of clarity. We all have made choices at one point or another and we continue to make choices which have consequences, If we drink and smoke all our lives, there is a good chance we will suffer the health consequences. That I can understand more then the suffering people go through not due to any part of there own, such as childhood and adult cancers and diseases from people who never smoke or drank etc. There is no good answer about why so many people have to suffer. Although Again I truly believe God has a master plan, that we cannot comprehend. If one does not believe in God, I would say that the Universal energy works in ways we cannot truly comprehend and there is not always a answer to the important and valid questions of why some suffer and some do not.

Thank you for your post and thanks for letting me share.

Jeni26

Thankyou for your post seeksobriety.
My head is muddled and I'm tired and overwrought right now, but I will re-read it in the morning, along with everybody else's lovely and thoughtful replies. Thankyou all.
Without SR, the urge to drink would have returned tonight I'm sure of it.
It's now getting on for 4 a.m and I'm so thankful I had this place to come and off-load on. You are all so vital to me, Thankyou xxx

Jeni26

I've had a couple of hours sleep and have re-read your post seeksobriety.
I can relate to so much of what you wrote.
Thankyou very much for sharing, it means a lot.
Jen xx