38 days sober and not feeling well
 

Hi all,

I haven't posted in quite awhile but I remember how much support and kindness I've received from the people on these boards and figured I'd post here for some advice, encouragement.

I have been sober for 38 days now having relapsed quite a few times this year. I've been to rehab, a few hospital detoxes and have reached the point where I know that if I drink, I will die.

I have a lot to go through this week. I have court for dui and am terrified. I'm anxious and having panic attacks. I'm not having any cravings and have been going to AA meetings almost every day. I'm also working the steps with a sponsor. I just feel so horrible, sometimes I wouldn't mind dying.

Thanks for letting me vent.

Stay strong....you are going in the right direction and we are all here for you.

Good morning, John - awesome job on those 38 days! Remember we didn't get into this state of feeling awful overnight - we surely can't expect to be well overnight. Be good to yourself during this tender recovery stage. Eat well, rest - rest alot! Stay hydrated (I'm very fond of Wendy's Wild Berry Iced Tea - yum!!) and try to get in some exercise. PAWS is kind of funny - one day nonexistant, next day out in full force. In any case, good luck with your court case - don't drink on it as that surely won't change anything and will only complicate matters. We all care for you and are glad you are here. Keep posting, stay stopped, and know you are not alone - we are all on the same ocean, just in different boats. I know you can do this - you already are! Hugs, NBC

Hi John44,
treat yourself gently, i found with stressful stuff i try hard not to think about the future, just get through the day moment by moment .
I know it's easy for me to say that but it's how i've managed to get through some prity stressful days, like taking my ma to A&E with chest pains.
Time is a great healer, give yourself time to heal .

Bestwishes, M

You are right where you should be... don't give up. What does your sponsor say about how you feel?

If you are doing what you should be doing, you will get what you should get.

The best thing to get me feeling good is working with the other alcoholic.

All will be well down the line.

All the best.

Bob R

Hi John

I know how you are feeling, is this the first time for dui if so you will probably get a hefty fine and a ban.

The system works that way at the end of the day to keep you in cost them as must as 4o thousand per year per person.

The judge has a set of sentencing terms which applies to the case such as:

Previous convictions
Has anyone been hurt
Does the punishment fit the crime

So to speak and they have a vast sliding scale.

The normal process is to give you a scare, then get you to pay a good sum of money.

Possibly give you a suspended sentence which means you cannot bleep up again.

So the fear is a natural state as well as the anxiety although you just need to understand how the system actually works.

Alright it may not be fool proof and it comes down to what you have been doing and the seriousness of the offence but worrying won't help.

You need to stop living in your imagination and come back to where you are and what you are doing at this time.

You are not well? How do I fix me at this exact moment. Nice food - go for a walk - simple things that can occupy your mind as well as exercise your body.

I know how difficult it is for someone to say these things but look for the positive.

You have stopped drinking (fantastic) You are facing your responsibilities.

Commendable. Just take it slowly and go easy on yourself because the darkness will fade and when you are out of the other side this situation would have taught you so much more about the person you are and the person you are becoming.

Keep strong and positive and everything else will take care of itself.

Peace

John:

I'm with Nonblondechef congratulating you on 38 days!

Sorry to hear you are having such problems with anxiety. Studies show that it does go way down with sobriety. It could be that the vicious cycle of your relapses are contributing to your anxiety and panic attacks.

Regular exercise can help to reduce anxiety and thus the likelihood of a panic attack. Staying hydrated, eating a healthy diet and making sure you are getting the right amount of vitamins is also important.

I have had panic attacks and some of the things that I find helpful are:

• Talking myself down from the anxiety. "I have had this feeling before and nothing bad ever happened. It will go away."
• Chewing gum. It helps me to swallow and not feel like I might choke and also helps me to breathe properly.
• Calling someone and talking...that other voice helps takes the focus away from the intense physical feelings of the panic attack.

If you are open to aromatherapy, lavender oil has been found to be beneficial in reducing anxiety. Lavender For Panic Attacks | LIVESTRONG.COM or Lavender - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

I just feel like I'm sinking into a well of negativity, fear, and self-pity. I want to be strong but am feeling depleted.

John, I think once you get through the court date this week, you will feel much better. I'm sure it's a scary prospect, but it will be good to put it behind you and move on.

John, just remember that the emotions you are feeling are normal for anyone -- alcoholic or not -- facing a court date.

Then remember that the feelings are situational, and that after the court date, the situation will change.

It's ok now to feel anxious. I think granting yourself permission to feel that way (without wallowing in it) would be a kind thing to do for yourself. :)

Good luck -- you will be ok. :)

I've found that most AAs don't want to talk about feelings, fears or anything except following the program. Whenever I've shared feelings at a meeting, people will come up to me after the meeting and simply spew cliches; "meeting makers make it", "one day at a time", "let go and let God", etc., etc., ad nauseum.

Don't get me wrong, I've found a lot of good in AA, but having read the big book through a few times, the 12 and 12 and a bunch of other sobriety literature, I really don't need nor want cliches.

At times I feel like I'm dealing with robots.

John are you taking anything for your depression/ anxiety? Like prozac or whatever. Don't be afraid to talk to your doctor.

Sobriety can he very exposing and make us afraid. IME that starts to shift as we rest and learn hew coping mechanisms.

Lol, that's what I'm afraid of!

No. I tried quite a few SSRIs in the past and had bad reactions to all of them. The only thing that ever helped was xanax and I stopped that 7 months ago when I first tried to stop drinking. The withdrawals between stopping alcohol and xanax were horrendous...even after detox.

LOL true. But you'll handle it, whatever it is :)

Congratulations on 38 days. Anxiety is a tough nut for many of us. Do whatever you can to eliminate extra stressors, expect nothing of yourself except sobriety, make sure you are getting the best nutrition, including supplements needed in early recovery. Knowing you are going into court with over 5 weeks sobriety should be helpful, would be far worse to go in there without these weeks of sobriety.

(Originally Posted by 2granddaughters View Post)
What does your sponsor say about how you feel?


That's great, now tell me what your sponsor says about how you feel.....

It's completely normal to feel anxious about court-anyone would. Just be honest and know that you're making every effort to do the right thing and stay sober, and hopefully they will recognize this when it comes time for them to make a decision. Good luck!!

Sorry, I did mean to post that and got carried away. My sponsor's a great guy. He said it's normal to be scared, pray a lot, don't drink about it and go to meetings. All good advice. And advice I've been taking.

John;
sometimes fear of the unknown is the scariest of all.
You have a DUI, hopefully no one was hurt and you're here to post about your anxiety.
going to AA will act in your favor when you go to court.

it will get better after you know what is expected with the consequences.

You don't have to apologize for posting your feelings....that's what we're here for. and many of us do NOT badger or ask repeatedly if you've "been to a meeting". There are different ways to deal with problems, drinking and otherwise.
maybe you would benefit from some one-to-one therapy with a doc. to help you reach for different methods of coping.
(in addition to AA or in place of).

I think you are sincere about wanting to never drink, cos you know your bottom.

38 days is a good start for you. please keep posting.