773niki

Hi there,
Ugh. MEssed up again. Went to my first rehab/detox center 2 years ago from August 5. Participated in a 30 day resdidential program and stayed sober for almost a year. Felt great. Then, for the past year, I've been on and off the wagon. I also started taking Antabuse, which will make you sick to your stomach if you drink on it. I tried. Worst feeling of death ever.

Anyway, I recently went on about a week bender. Exactly a week of vodka (anywhere from a pint to 750 ml a day) for the past 7 days. Messed up at work, told my mom and sister off, made my boyfriend just disgusted with my lack of will power and I'm going through winthdrawals that I didn't think would be this bad. It's almost 24 hours since my last drink. Feeling shaky, foggy, like my eyes are floating in my head, sad, anxious and like a real F up.

Since I only drank hard core for a week, I really wouldn't expect me feeling this bad now - would you? I called into work and have my Best Friend's wedding tomorrow afternoon (another person whom I've been avoiding this past week and I need to be there, feeling ok.

I was dry heaving last night and just felt really dizzy. I'm definitely off base, but I feel like I may be able to eat.

What should I try to eat or drink to try to facilitate this process? I'm drinking water with lemon juice and munching on berries. Does that sound like it can help me? Please, any help is much appreciated. Can't believe I am here again...(I'm 30, female, 5'7, 125 lbs) if that helps. THANKS!

MrsKing

A week of drinking upwards of a pint of vodka is a lot, niki, so I would expect to feel quite bad, yes. Sorry, I know that's not the right answer. You might want to consider going to a DR - I'm sure you know this, but detoxing from alcohol can be very dangerous.

I'm glad you're here. SR is a fantastic place for support and understanding. I hope you find all that I have here.

2granddaughters

niki, you sound like me before I surrendered and began attending AA meetings.

Haven't found the need to pick-up for over 23 yrs... AA would likely help you as well.

Please Google and read AA's "The Doctors Opinion", "How It Works" and "The Promises of Alcoholics Anonymous" ..... I don't know what else to tell you.

All the best.

Bob R

bbthumper

The problem with picking up after a period of sobriety is that our disease continues to progress. So not only can you be as bad as you were when you left off, but in a short time you can be as bad as you would have been if you had never stopped in the first place.
Did you do anything else for your sobriety after leaving treatment?

773niki

I used to go to AA, I've read the book numerous times, I get the daily motivation emails, I read books on the topic and I feel great when I am off of it. Then, I fool myself into thinking I can just have a few drinks one night (hiding it, of course, since no one who loves me would ever knowingly let me drink) and the vicious cycle happens again.

I just can't believe how terrible I feel - emotionally, mentally and physically - from one week of stupidity. I deserve it, know, but man am I dissapointed in myself.
Thanks for all your words of support.

departure

Hi niki, I feel for you. Find a meeting. Someone mentioned in a meeting yesterday that you should show up even if your sick so long as you are not projectile vomitting, and even then maybe you should still go.

As for food to consume, maybe try coconut water to drink - lots of vitamins and electrolites. Maybe try the BRAT diet until you feel like you can hold something more substantial down - banana, rice, applesauce, toast (dry).

bloss

Be kind to yourself, no one deserves to feel bad. Pick up what was working, change what you can, discard what did not help. Try again, you deserve to feel good and be sober. For me sometimes just not drinking for one more day is enough! Take care of yourself, sending positive thoughts

bbthumper

If you are going the AA route (which is all I have exerience and success with) reading the literature is great. Essential in my opinion. But unless we take the actions that are outlined in Big Book, we miss out on what AA really has to offer. Did you ever have a sponsor or get into working the steps?

Beetle53

Hi Niki... It's absolutely understandable that you feel like you do. You mentioned that you have been in medically managed detox before. Every time we go through a detox, the side effects and likelihood of seizures increases. I'd definitely suggest going to the doctor right away if you can. I hope you will consider it. I'm so sorry about how I know you must be feeling. :-( hang in there!!

Anna

Hi Niki,

It might be a good idea to talk to a dr at this point. Alcoholism is progressive and I know for me, each time I stopped was worse than the last. Detoxing from alcohol can be dangerous.

Beetle53

Also, do you have a buddy who can stay with you? You aren't alone I hope?

desertsong

Hi Niki,

I just came off a week bender myself after being sober 4.5 months. It's true what they say about alcohol being progressive. If we start back again after some sober time, in a very short time we are just as bad off as we were before, if not worse. Yes, it is possible to have bad withdrawals after just a week of heavy drinking so I would seriously consider medical detox. I just finished 3 days of medical detox and don't know how I would have managed without it. Home again now, Day 4 and still feeling foggy-headed but the worse of it is over. Please consider seeing a doctor for some meds to help you or go to the hospital. You never know how this stuff is going to turn out.

Hugs and love to you. I know exactly what you're going through.

MetalChick

Can't give any medical advice, but water is probably a good thing along with healthy foods, and calling the doc.

A year is amazing!!! You beat this disease for a year, and it sounds like you have learned what happens when you pick up. I don't think you are a failure, but have an opportunity to learn from this and make changes in the future.

Please keep us abreast of your progress, OK?

Hugs, MC

sugarbear1

From zero to 80 in a week, are you trying to hurt yourself? We can't return to drinking what we were once used to drinking, it's just a heart attack waiting to happen. Our tolerance had decreased, we want to drink what we used to, it's the reason so many OD's happen.....

Please see a doctor!

Dee74

Hi niki - welcome.

I'm sorry for your struggle.
I think anyone would feel ill after a week long bender tho - I know I used to.

I also recommend seeing a Dr - it's the best thing to do IMO.
I also recommend sticking around here - I hope you will

D

Deserto

Eat lots of watermelon and take your vitamins.
Stay sober at your friend's wedding tomorrow -- she deserves that.
Then figure out what you need to do to strengthen your sobriety. And analyze the tape that led to your relapse. It likely started days or weeks before you picked up.

Sorry you slipped -- but you can do this.

773niki

Thank you so much everyone!!!!

Haven't had a drink since last week and don't plan on ever touching the **** again! (though, as my boyfriend says, I've said that before). But, I replayed the tape and the relapse definitely happened days before I actually drank. I realized that when I get stressed about something in my life i don't want to think about, I want something else to think about - some other conflict. So, I think about how drinking would alleviate the "pain" I'm feeling. Then, I take the next week or whatever planning how I can drink (instead of thinking/rationalizing what I SHOULD be thinking about). Then, of course I drink. This has been my pattern. So, what I've learned from this phenominally terrible mess up and disgust and guilt with myself is that I have got to learn to deal with my feelings as they come...however unpleasant.

I swear, I need to keep this up on a daily basis. This disease sucks so bad...but I have to find the good in it somewhere.

Thank you everyone for your kind words of encouragement!

Beetle53

I'm so happy that you're hanging in there! Thanks for the update!! You seem to have a really good attitude about everything- a complete turn around from your first post. :-) It's great that you identified how the relapse happened and you're going to work on safeguarding yourself from that issue coming back up. You were super successful before your relapse and if you can stand up and brush yourself off, recognize what happened, and keep working on it- you should be in great shape!! You're rocking it!! :-)