Where I'm at :-/
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Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: New England
Posts: 604
Pigtails I'm so sorry for your loss. What a sad chain of events that you had no control over. It's not fair. No wonder you're feeling hopeless,helpless, and discouraged. Very normal reactions to your experience.
You did really well with not drinking, I'm sure you'll come back around to that again. Maybe with AA maybe not. There are certainly plenty of options, but with any of them I think you'll feel more clear headed and in control, and will be able to grieve your loss with full emotions which will help you heal.
You did really well with not drinking, I'm sure you'll come back around to that again. Maybe with AA maybe not. There are certainly plenty of options, but with any of them I think you'll feel more clear headed and in control, and will be able to grieve your loss with full emotions which will help you heal.
Came to Believe
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Montgomery AL
Posts: 507
Pigtails...I just wanted to say that I'm so very sorry for what you've been going through. In my early twenties, my girlfriend of five years found out that she was pregnant. Shortly before our first ultrasound appointment, she miscarried. I didn't know how to help her through her pain, or how to express mine, and it was pretty much the end of us (and the end of us was pretty much the beginning of my drinking). Don't let this drive a wedge between you and your boyfriend. Take care of each other. Your presence on this board has always been a comfort to me because you tend to see things as they really are. If you use that ability now, you'll see that drinking through this will only prolong the pain. God and peace be with you; you'll be in my thoughts.
--Fenris.
--Fenris.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Midwest
Posts: 8,334
Pigtails,
You've suffered a loss, of both your baby, and the anticipated life you'd share. You mentioned in your post you felt more sane and stable when you weren't drinking. Grab hold of that thought as a starting point. Being more sane and stable will help you move forward.
Thank you for sharing .....we are here
You've suffered a loss, of both your baby, and the anticipated life you'd share. You mentioned in your post you felt more sane and stable when you weren't drinking. Grab hold of that thought as a starting point. Being more sane and stable will help you move forward.
Thank you for sharing .....we are here
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: nh
Posts: 90
I'm sorry you lost your baby. 
I lost two and I know how much it hurts. And the first loss sent me on an awful bender. It just prolonged the pain. I promise-the hurt does ease up, maybe not completely, but it gets better.
I lost two and I know how much it hurts. And the first loss sent me on an awful bender. It just prolonged the pain. I promise-the hurt does ease up, maybe not completely, but it gets better.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 1,193
Thank you everyone for all the support. It helps so much.
I actually spent today in the hospital. :-/ I had bad cramps in the morning, went into the office to meet with a client despite feeling horrible physically and wanting to stay home, and never got to meet with the client because I started hemmoraging!! This was after I went to the doctor's last Friday and had a negative pregnancy test and was told everything should be over. ?!
They kept us in there for over seven hours doing tests and are still stumped b/c everything checks out fine but my hormone level is at 145 when according to the test on Friday it was at 0 or around there. So maybe the test was wrong and my hormone levels are just taking a very long time to return to 0 (which they say is normal for a natural misarriage) or maybe I am pregnant again. :-0 I have to wait to have further blood work done next week to monitor the levels.
At least they ruled out some scary possibilities and at least the horrible part stopped. I was in so much pain!!! I am just taking it easy tonight and I am not drinking. This is probably the first day since I was diagnosed with the impending miscarriage that I'm not drinking anything. :-/ I can't say I dont want a drink. Of course a big reason is the small chance I'm pregnant. But I don't think I am and I am mainly abstaining just to get back on that track and try out sobriety again. Thanks everyone for being an inspiration to me.
I actually spent today in the hospital. :-/ I had bad cramps in the morning, went into the office to meet with a client despite feeling horrible physically and wanting to stay home, and never got to meet with the client because I started hemmoraging!! This was after I went to the doctor's last Friday and had a negative pregnancy test and was told everything should be over. ?!
They kept us in there for over seven hours doing tests and are still stumped b/c everything checks out fine but my hormone level is at 145 when according to the test on Friday it was at 0 or around there. So maybe the test was wrong and my hormone levels are just taking a very long time to return to 0 (which they say is normal for a natural misarriage) or maybe I am pregnant again. :-0 I have to wait to have further blood work done next week to monitor the levels.
At least they ruled out some scary possibilities and at least the horrible part stopped. I was in so much pain!!! I am just taking it easy tonight and I am not drinking. This is probably the first day since I was diagnosed with the impending miscarriage that I'm not drinking anything. :-/ I can't say I dont want a drink. Of course a big reason is the small chance I'm pregnant. But I don't think I am and I am mainly abstaining just to get back on that track and try out sobriety again. Thanks everyone for being an inspiration to me.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 1,193
Sapling - yes i stopped going to AA before I knew I was pregnant. I stopped going at 5 months or a bit thereafter. I found out i was pregnant at about 6.5 months sober and to be honest i was probably really close to drinking but then i "couldnt" due to the pregnancy And you're also right that I was starting my fourth step. I guess that step and the whole step process is very scary to me. :-/
Sorry for typos or errors as I'm on my iPhone.
Sorry for typos or errors as I'm on my iPhone.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 1,193
I'm sorry to hear that this happened in your past Fenris. Thank you for sharing your story. He is almost always quite supportive, and sad too, and I do try to think about where he's coming from and realize it's not exactly the same place that I am since that would be impossible.
Originally Posted by Fenris 
Pigtails...I just wanted to say that I'm so very sorry for what you've been going through. In my early twenties, my girlfriend of five years found out that she was pregnant. Shortly before our first ultrasound appointment, she miscarried. I didn't know how to help her through her pain, or how to express mine, and it was pretty much the end of us (and the end of us was pretty much the beginning of my drinking). Don't let this drive a wedge between you and your boyfriend. Take care of each other. Your presence on this board has always been a comfort to me because you tend to see things as they really are. If you use that ability now, you'll see that drinking through this will only prolong the pain. God and peace be with you; you'll be in my thoughts.
--Fenris.
--Fenris.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
My heart goes out to you Pigtails.... I'm so glad you shared this with us, as hard as it must be. Knowing that people care and want to be there for us is what it's all about. Give yourself lots of TLC, OK?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 1,193
Thanks artsoul and paperdolls.
It's really nice to know I was missed.
This morning so far I feel so much better than yesterday. I am so glad and grateful that my symptoms have subsided a lot since yesterday. I hope it will be all over soon.
I also feel good that I didn't drink yesterday. I guess emotionally it is an accomplishment, and physically I really do think it helps.
It's really nice to know I was missed.
This morning so far I feel so much better than yesterday. I am so glad and grateful that my symptoms have subsided a lot since yesterday. I hope it will be all over soon.
I also feel good that I didn't drink yesterday. I guess emotionally it is an accomplishment, and physically I really do think it helps.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 1,193
Originally Posted by PaperDolls
So, what's the plan now Pigtails? Heading back to AA?
For some reason I am incredibly hesitant to go back to AA. I guess a big part of it is realizing I have to change certain aspects of my life that involve more than just not drinking and I fear I will get so wrapped up in AA that I won't focus on the other stuff. I also want to be strong enough to do it on my own. I'm sure these are stupid reasons and I'm also probably just afraid of AA or resistant to it for some reason. I'm trying to be honest but I can't really explain why I don't want to go back to AA right now.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
Originally Posted by Pigtails
And you're also right that I was starting my fourth step. I guess that step and the whole step process is very scary to me. :-/
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