Back again, with some reflections on my life. 3 days sober
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 9
Back again, with some reflections on my life. 3 days sober
Over the last few months I've hit many low points. After some self reflecting time I know it's time to change.
Some truths that I've come across from listening to others and my own experiences.
A highly connected director from NYC once told me that the more you use, whether it's drinking or other drugs, the more you'll become disconnected from that spark deep down inside you that gives you your gift, your talent.
This director then went on to talk about a very talented individual who had everything but threw it away because of drugs, spent thousands of dollars in rehab and may never again be the talented person that they once were because of the damage.
Over the last few years I've had many ups and downs, many encounters with death and have left people disappointed in me.
In this time I've learned that in this community I'm in, us fellow actors, drinking and drugs are a huge part of the life style. While I've never been a drug user I'm fully aware of the problems alcohol can cause.
Not only that, but being a gay male I've came to realize that the same addictions seem to define a huge part of the gay culture. Parades, clubs, etc. drinking is usually a major part in the activities.
No wonder myself, part of these two worlds and with an addictive personality would get caught up in drinking.
Over the last few years I've had many accomplishments in my career and I've turned around and had many missed opportunities because of my addiction to the bottle. The longest I've gone was 15 days and that was last year when I first posted on this form.
After a stable period in the spring this summer I've let it go again and have been in some pretty dangerous and embarrassing situations.
I've spent a lot of time reflecting on myself as a person and the things I can accomplish. It keeps me going back to what that director said, which is so true. I've been three days without a drink now and I can already feel myself going back to my old self, full of creativity and yearning to start new projects, go audition, etc.
Just needed to vent about what's been going on recently in my life. Here's to a new sober me and I'll be on here a lot in the times to come. Thanks so much for the help so far.
Some truths that I've come across from listening to others and my own experiences.
A highly connected director from NYC once told me that the more you use, whether it's drinking or other drugs, the more you'll become disconnected from that spark deep down inside you that gives you your gift, your talent.
This director then went on to talk about a very talented individual who had everything but threw it away because of drugs, spent thousands of dollars in rehab and may never again be the talented person that they once were because of the damage.
Over the last few years I've had many ups and downs, many encounters with death and have left people disappointed in me.
In this time I've learned that in this community I'm in, us fellow actors, drinking and drugs are a huge part of the life style. While I've never been a drug user I'm fully aware of the problems alcohol can cause.
Not only that, but being a gay male I've came to realize that the same addictions seem to define a huge part of the gay culture. Parades, clubs, etc. drinking is usually a major part in the activities.
No wonder myself, part of these two worlds and with an addictive personality would get caught up in drinking.
Over the last few years I've had many accomplishments in my career and I've turned around and had many missed opportunities because of my addiction to the bottle. The longest I've gone was 15 days and that was last year when I first posted on this form.
After a stable period in the spring this summer I've let it go again and have been in some pretty dangerous and embarrassing situations.
I've spent a lot of time reflecting on myself as a person and the things I can accomplish. It keeps me going back to what that director said, which is so true. I've been three days without a drink now and I can already feel myself going back to my old self, full of creativity and yearning to start new projects, go audition, etc.
Just needed to vent about what's been going on recently in my life. Here's to a new sober me and I'll be on here a lot in the times to come. Thanks so much for the help so far.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Milton Keynes UK
Posts: 3
Hello Cydonia,
You know, I have been sober for the past couple of week's, after year's of drinking and I never thought I could stop. I have, and so can you. I worry about the future, but as I have been told by many alcoholic's take it day by day. You will find that inner strength and turn away from the temptation, 3 day's gone already that in itself is triumphant. You have a great career and as you have said you can see your old self shinning through, just keep on shinning and let your creativety become your new focus. Next time you go clubbing/pride take a stand and go for a soft drink, you do not need to explain to anyone but your partner and friends and true friends will support you. I drove home from work today and it actually hit me that I am going to die if I continue to drink,end of. I am off to pride this weekend and my strength will be my desire to control my destiny, not the drink controlling it, this is a terminal illness, but its the only terminal illness WE can stop and regain full recovery.
Take care and be stong.
Alexis
You know, I have been sober for the past couple of week's, after year's of drinking and I never thought I could stop. I have, and so can you. I worry about the future, but as I have been told by many alcoholic's take it day by day. You will find that inner strength and turn away from the temptation, 3 day's gone already that in itself is triumphant. You have a great career and as you have said you can see your old self shinning through, just keep on shinning and let your creativety become your new focus. Next time you go clubbing/pride take a stand and go for a soft drink, you do not need to explain to anyone but your partner and friends and true friends will support you. I drove home from work today and it actually hit me that I am going to die if I continue to drink,end of. I am off to pride this weekend and my strength will be my desire to control my destiny, not the drink controlling it, this is a terminal illness, but its the only terminal illness WE can stop and regain full recovery.
Take care and be stong.
Alexis
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,308
welcome back Cydonia,
I am over 14 months sober with the support of AA and SR. My creative side has really come to the forefront since being sober but I could never stop for long on my own I needed the support of a program.
CaiHong
I am over 14 months sober with the support of AA and SR. My creative side has really come to the forefront since being sober but I could never stop for long on my own I needed the support of a program.
CaiHong
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,564
Thank you for a heartfelt post, Cydonia. I'm so happy you're doing some thinking and figuring out what you want from life. Nothing's made better by being numb and foggy. I wish I'd realized that decades ago.
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