walkingwithgod

I hate this time of day, 3 hours left of work and all I can think about are my after work beers. I hate this feeling. I want to make it sober today.

Purplecatlover

You can do this! Don't believe the addictions lies.... It is All BS to keep you feeding it.
I was the same as you. I am a law abiding wife, mother w/great career, church going. No one knew I drank except my husband. It started off a few drinks on weekends to a quart of vodka daily. I should be dead right now but God WAS with me. I just didn't see it. I was blinded by alcohols lies.
I didn't think I could get thru a day. It freaked me out. I was so miserable & became suicidal from self loathing, failing again & again.
I had to make the decision that I was done, that I could never drink again, that I would be okay. SR kept me going. The first 2 weeks were hard but I just put one foot in front of the other. Focused on the hope that I could & would get better. For me, my daughter, my husband. Each day got easier, now almost 7 months later I am free. I am happy & love who I am. The shame, guilt, misery, anxiety, depression, self hatred are gone.
I am a new woman, all b/c I fought back, I took my life back.
You have the power to choose if you will continue down this road or turn back. Cry out to God & EXPECT Him to deliver you.
I'm praying for you. Life can & will get better, I promise you.
Just don't drink today.

freshstart57

Nothing happened for me until I accepted the fact of my choice: I can never drink again, and I will never drink again. How are you doing on that end?

Don't think I can't do this, you most certainly can, and you will. The only real question is when? Is it going to be now? Tomorrow's 'now', next Tuesday's 'now'? The easiest one to pick is the right now 'now' because this cr@p only gets harder to kick. You know what to do.

walkingwithgod

I feel so weak as I get closer to my drive home. It is a beautiful day out, and I can think of is having a drink. I know this is not normal to think like this, but it is taking over my thoughts. Today I cannot do what I normally do after work.

Purplecatlover

I had to want to be sober more than I wanted to drink.
When you get to that point, you will succeed.
Best wishes to you.
No one deserves the punishment we put ourselves through.
Jesus died so we could be free.

Dee74

What you and I normally did was killing us WWG.

It gets easier...but think about all the avenues of support open to you - recovery groups, doctors, books, counselling, SR...

Use as much as you can...and if you think you need more support, add it

D

walkingwithgod

I made it home without stopping to pick up beer. I just read with my toddler and went over flash cards with her. Sober now, feel a little weird and off.

hypochondriac

Glad you're managing to stay sober Walkingwithgod. Don't worry about those nagging fears that your addiction tries to feed you. Probably the best advice I got was to set my confidence arbitrarily at 100%, or I suppose 'fake it til you make it'. I don't think anyone really sets out on this journey completely convinced that everything is going to be better sober and that they're gonna be able to handle emotions and stressful situations just fine. Most of us, like you, are worried about that drive home and what we're going to do when we're home alone.

It may be a good idea to talk to someone about what you're trying to do...if not your wife then at least your therapist. For me that made it more real. When I was keeping it all to myself I felt like the doubt would get to me and I would end up using the fact that no one knew as an excuse to drink sometime in the future. Despite the fact that no one knowing about my drinking was the source of all my shame and guilt. It's not nice to live a lie. The relief of being open about this with a select few people is immense.

Glad you are here. This is a good place x

walkingwithgod

What I also worry about is my sex life with my wife. The only time I feel confident at all is when i have had a few. This also worries me very much.

CardinalSin

The greatest fear I have for giving up drinking is not being drunk, it's being boring at parties and other events where I hang about with my friends. And being bored.

I know it goes against the AA ethos and I hope I'm not breaking any rules, but I'm generally more fun when I've had a few drinks. I'd love to be able to have a "few" drinks, be the life and soul of the party and then wake up the next day without a hangover or shame.

And then the spend the rest of the week sober doing useful and thoughtful deeds.

I symbolically chucked the remainder of my beer down the sink after joining this forum. But I know it's not as easy as that

hypochondriac

If you carry on drinking you'll have bigger problems with your sex life than just confidence Walkingwithgod x

Try to focus on some of the positives of sobriety for now, like being able to watch a film with your wife, or playing with the kids...

It's so easy to feel overwhelmed to start of with thinking about how you will cope with certain situations etc... but you can't fix everything all at once. Just try not to drink and the rest will follow x

MetalChick

I thought like that too, but the longer I am sober the more I wonder why I thought being drunk made things more fun.

You said you are too scared to go to an AA meeting; Many of us walked in there shaking on the verge of a panic attack. Trust me, those people in AA are great and they understand.

Alcohol caused my anxiety and depression to increase drastically and I could not really be treated for it until I stopped drinking.

Take care

walkingwithgod

Sorry to post so much. Just took the dog for a long walk, and had a dance party with my daughter. I need to enjoy the simple things in life.

walkingwithgod

I made it over 24 hours so far, feel good. Going to a football game tonight, and that is going to be tough. I am going with a non drinking friend. I can use prayers and good vibes.

freshstart57

Hypochondriac stated a simple truth of this business: you must believe that you can do this in order to do this. Make the fact that this is absolutely within your power into your reality because believing it will make it so.

I made my plan like this:

1. I want to stop drinking.
2. I must stop drinking.
3. I can stop drinking.
4. Stop drinking.

walkingwithgod

I always wondered if I was an alcoholic. I was drinking at least 6 beers a day and maybe more, with maybe a day or 2 of soberness a year. I always felt like I could control it.

walkingwithgod

I said to my wife I went 24 hours sober, she did not seem that impressed. But, I am and don't feel all that bad.

Jeni26

You're doing well. Take one day at a time. Make that decision not to drink today, and see it through. Wishing you well x

benice

Congrats on day one. Like many here have said, make your decision firm. Have you read your child the story of the little red engine? I can, I can, I know I can, I can, I can, I will! You are lucky that your football buddy isn’t a drinker. Have a great day and a great sober game!

walkingwithgod

The cool part is that two people that I have become close to at work either don't drink or drink very rarely. The funny thing is that I just told someone that we were going to the game and not going to drink, and they said we were "nerds and losers." I have never been to a game sober, why must going to a game result in getting trashed?