esco22

I've been staring at this screen for a while now. I don't know where to begin. It seems like my brain tells itself that my situation isn't as bad as others and that I have no right to complain or seek support. I need to honestly tell myself that my situation is bad. I'm 28, I've been binge drinking since 16. The early days were fine because everyone did it and generally you were limited to how little money you had to actually go out. Now I'm older and people meet up for drinks more consistently, I have varied social groups so the drinking seems to be nearly daily. Yet I'm the only one getting wasted. The drinking by myself started last year. I've dabbled with drugs but normally i feel so ****** afterwards that I have huge gaps between when I do it. Normally its only when someone else has them, I never buy them. Fortunately less and less people do them so its been super infrequent. These past four days alone, after telling myself and telling other people I was getting off the booze for a while I got drunk three of the four nights. I've missed out on two days of work because I was hung over, spent way too much money and feel terrible. I'm supposed to be starting a business but I keep ******* it up by getting drunk, spending all my money needed to start and missing out on my obligations.

I've woken up before with what can't be called moments of clarity but with the mindset that today is the day I stop but I always lose momentum. I'm the kind of person that I need to take an action step when I've made a decision. Step 1 is join this forum and let it be known publicly that I'm quitting because I have a problem. Step 2 is cleanse the body. Tomorrow (i feel too much like **** today) I will go to the gym, exercise, sit in the steam room and eat nothing but raw fresh vegetables and drink water.

I can honestly say I'm not fully chemically dependent on alcohol yet. I don't delude myself into thinking it won't happen though. I am habitually dependent. I've been using it to make myself less socially awkward, to avoid making hard decisions and to fill a void. I need to identify the triggers and replace them with positive habits. All behaviours are learned and can be unlearned.

I'm interested in hearing what other people have done to get the ball rolling beside AA.

Live2Run25

Welcome Esco. The last paragraph sums me up too. I am 65 days sober today. I think it's great you are here. If you really want to quit, you can do it, but you have it make it your #1 priority. You will probably lose friends, or lose touch with them, you will have people give cr*p about quitting, you will even have to stand up for yourself and decline drinnks. It's not easy, but once you get some time under your belt, it's alot nicer to have a sober life.